Fanfiction: I See Red - 09
Title: I See Red
Rating: R - strong language and some violence
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Spoilers: Post season finale
A/N - Oh...I feel drained. I always think of a good A/N way before I write it, then when I'm ready to post my mind goes blank *duhhhh*. I just hope everyone likes this one, even if it is a bit dark. But don't worry, light is on the way, and eventually a little sexy time...maybe...if you're good...
The white walls smear past me as I blow through the precinct hallways; up stairs, down corridors, through doorways, and toward the main office area.
One of our own... I can hardly believe it. A furnace is blazing inside of me and I don't know if I will be able to control myself when I reach the traitor. The son-of-a-bitch who killed my love. Death is too good for him...
As I enter the work area I can see people scattered around me shuffling papers and talking on phones. The sad looks that get sent my way are ignored completely as I search him out: Antonio Blanco. A man I barely know, have barely spoken to, but I know him well enough to recognize his face - a face that's going to be rearranged the moment I reach him.
My eyes fall on him as he stands next to Rita. His arms encircle her as she cries against his chest. Both their eyes are red and swollen as they lament the loss of their friends. Bile rises in my throat at the sight of his false comforting. The fucking liar! The fucking coward!
Without thinking, my feet are racing me towards him. My gun flies out as I rip Rita from his arms, slapping the shaft across his face and slamming him against the wall with so much force the hanging plaques fall all around us. I shove the gun into his mouth, muffling his yells, and cock it back.
"You killed them..." I manage to hiss through clenched teeth in a terrifying whisper.
People all around me are yelling my name and pulling at my shoulders trying to get me off their co-worker. "GET BACK!!" I shout.
Rita is behind me, trying to calm me, "Pepa, what's going on?! Put the gun down! Antonio is our friend --"
"FRIEND?! He fucking sold us out, Rita! Do you all hear me?!! This betraying sack of shit sold us all out. He's a fucking rat, and he's the reason they're dead. He's the reason Silvia is dead!!" I hear the gasps around me, and some murmurs of disbelief. Meanwhile, Antonio can't say a fucking thing to defend himself, I've got the muzzle of my gun shoved so far into the back of his throat he can barely breath.
"Pepa, put the gun down!" I hear Salgado order from behind me. "If this is true, we need to know what he knows."
"I'm sick of wanting information! I'm sick of waiting for justice when I've got justice right here, in my hands. All I have to do is pull this trigger and justice is served. That's justice. None of this bullshit of talking, and waiting, and booking, and trials. Fuck trails!! I'm the jury, and he's fucking guilty!!"
Antonio is screaming against my gun and shaking his head, tears streaming down his face.
"I know you don't believe that, Pepa. Don't do this. Don't become a murderer, like them," she pleads.
I clench my eyes shut, trying to fight off the fury inside of me. Trying to stem the flow of rage burning through my veins. Then I feel her. Silvia. She's melting into me, cooling the heat in my blood and easing the pain in my soul.
Shhhh....it's ok, love. It's alright, I've got you. Just ease off. Ease off and let him go. Let him go, Pepa. It's alright now...
I inhale a shaking breath and loosen my grip on his neck before pulling the gun from his mouth and uncocking it. His feet take a firmer grip on the ground and he is weeping against the wall, thankful he is still standing on this earth. I hear Rita next to me say softly, "Pepa, give me the gun," and like a zombie I hand it over without any thought, only knowing that my rampage is over.
Before I know what's happening, Rita is standing before Antonio, cocking the gun, and pointing it at his head, her limbs shaking wildly.
"RITA NO!!" I scream and shove her arm aside just before she pulls the trigger. A lone bullet blasts a hole through the wall, sending shards of plaster in every direction. Several officers grab her and the gun is knocked from her hand and kicked away.
"They were your FRIENDS!!" She shrieks in pain, the arms about her unable to contain her anguish as they pull her away. One of them quickly handcuffs Antonio before rejoining the others, trying to calm Rita down. Antonio slides to the ground weeping and I just stand there, feeling numb as chaos surrounds me. I scarcely notice Silvia as she drops down to kneel before Antonio.
After a few moments I hear her soft voice call up to me. "Pepa..." I glance down to see her still watching Antonio, hand cupping his cheek like a mother to a child. My mind swirls with confusion and anger. How can she comfort this fucking turncoat? Finally, through his sobs I'm able to make out a few muttered words: "family...no choice...", prompting me to squat down next to my redhead and pull his hanging head up so he can look me in the eye.
"Why did you do it, Antonio?" I ask softly, while the mayhem around me continues.
Mumbling through his pain, I'm barely able to discern: "I'm so sorry...He has them. My family." His tears of sorrow staining every word. "I didn't know...I had no choice...forgive me..." I release my hold and rise up, unable to say a word to him. Unable to grant him the forgiveness he so desperately wants. Not now. Not yet...
_____________
Droplets of water litter the ground beneath me. My body feels rigid and numb as the tears roll down my cheeks and silently hit the floor. That I'm still capable of crying shocks me. I thought I'd used up all my tears on my wedding day, but apparently I embody a never-ending well that I wish would dry up. I wish that I could rewind my life and undo these last few days, but it's not possible. I can't change the past, and my eyes won't stop crying.
Silvia crouches before me. I've been sitting here in silence, peering at the ground like a statue, unable to move or speak. She's been kind enough to let me be, knowing that sometimes I just need time to work things out in my own head. Now she's done being quite...
"Pepa? Pepa, listen to me. It's not your fault."
I want to speak, to share what I'm feeling with her, but the lump in my throat feels like it's cutting off my air supply. I simply remain still and try to swallow it down.
"Pepa, no one knew about Antonio's family. No one knew what kind of trouble he was in."
"I was going to kill him Silvia..." I manage to croak out in a monotone voice.
"But you didn't, remember? You didn't do it."
My head raises, my pained eyes connecting with hers. "Because of you I didn't."
"I know you wouldn't have done it, Pepa," she says with heartbreaking confidence, fracturing my stoic facade.
"You don't know anything, Silvia. You don't know what it's like to see the love of your life dying in your arms after trying so desperately to save her. You don't know the pain of missing her so intensely that a bullet in the head sounds like a blessing. All of this, everything that's happened...it's got me so twisted inside, that I...I can't do this, Silvia. I can't..." I just shake my head and drop it back toward the ground, staring at the tiles below.
Silvia scoots closer to me, running her hands over and through me, comforting me the only way she can. "Pepa, I'm right here, with you. You don't have to go through this alone. We'll work this out together, I know we will."
Just then Paco exits the interrogation room and turns my way. I can hear his feet shuffling towards me before he plops down next to me and sighs. There is a long pause before he finally speaks, "Antonio Blanco's wife and two children were kidnapped over a month ago by El Gordo's men."
My eyes squeeze shut as he continues, "Apparently he's been leaking all our communications: radio frequencies, cell phone ESNs, home phones, everything. He made us as vulnerable as sitting ducks." Paco shakes his head wearily.
"Why didn't he tell anyone?" I quietly mutter, not sure if Paco can even hear me.
"He was warned that he was under constant surveillance. That he was being watched, and if he let anyone know about his secret his family would be made accountable." My hands clench together on my lap and Paco reaches over and rests his palm on them. "But luckily, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...if you can call this whole god-foresaken mess a tunnel."
"What do you mean?" My voice sounds foreign to me.
"Salgado has come up with a plan, and it hinges on you."
I glance over at him, surprised at how much I don't care.
"No one but us know about his family. We haven't validated your accusations to anyone. As far as the precinct's concerned, your attack could have been motivated by false information and grief. At least that's what we're betting on. We need you to sell that to them."
"Why?"
"So Antonio can continue as a mole in the department. We can use him to filter false information to El Gordo. If we..."
Paco continues talking, but I hang my head again, not wanting to hear what he has to say. Silvia is in front of me still, trying to pull me out of my stupor as though I were a patient in a coma. Her lilting voice reaching me despite my efforts to block it out.
"Pepa, don't do this. I know you. I know you're shutting down, but you can't. Not now. Not when we finally have an advantage over El Gordo. My instincts are telling me we must follow through on this." I jerk my head up and lock my eyes on hers, my body vibrating with desperation. "Please, Pepa. You need to help them. You're the key to all of this. This is the reason I'm here, I can feel it."
I thrust to my feet, surprising both Paco and Silvia. "I can't do it."
"What? Pepa, I don't --"
"No, Paco! You know I want you to capture the Italians and bring them down. Make them pay for everything they've done, for everyone they've hurt, but I can't be a part of it."
"Pepa!" Silvia is standing next to me, her brow furrowed in confused frustration.
"I won't do it, Paco. I can't be on this case. You saw me today with the suspect. Then later with Antonio, what I almost did to him...I'm too close to this. I'm not safe."
"Pepa, you're being ridiculous. Why won't you listen to me!" I glare over at Silvia, warning her to stop trying to convince me to change my mind.
"Pepa, you're...this doesn't..." Paco stumbles over his words, obviously taken aback by my decision.
I turn to him with pleading eyes. "Please, Paco, leave me out of it. You don't need me." I spin around and start walking down the corridor before whispering again, "You don't need me."
Rating: R - strong language and some violence
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Spoilers: Post season finale
A/N - Oh...I feel drained. I always think of a good A/N way before I write it, then when I'm ready to post my mind goes blank *duhhhh*. I just hope everyone likes this one, even if it is a bit dark. But don't worry, light is on the way, and eventually a little sexy time...maybe...if you're good...
The white walls smear past me as I blow through the precinct hallways; up stairs, down corridors, through doorways, and toward the main office area.
One of our own... I can hardly believe it. A furnace is blazing inside of me and I don't know if I will be able to control myself when I reach the traitor. The son-of-a-bitch who killed my love. Death is too good for him...
As I enter the work area I can see people scattered around me shuffling papers and talking on phones. The sad looks that get sent my way are ignored completely as I search him out: Antonio Blanco. A man I barely know, have barely spoken to, but I know him well enough to recognize his face - a face that's going to be rearranged the moment I reach him.
My eyes fall on him as he stands next to Rita. His arms encircle her as she cries against his chest. Both their eyes are red and swollen as they lament the loss of their friends. Bile rises in my throat at the sight of his false comforting. The fucking liar! The fucking coward!
Without thinking, my feet are racing me towards him. My gun flies out as I rip Rita from his arms, slapping the shaft across his face and slamming him against the wall with so much force the hanging plaques fall all around us. I shove the gun into his mouth, muffling his yells, and cock it back.
"You killed them..." I manage to hiss through clenched teeth in a terrifying whisper.
People all around me are yelling my name and pulling at my shoulders trying to get me off their co-worker. "GET BACK!!" I shout.
Rita is behind me, trying to calm me, "Pepa, what's going on?! Put the gun down! Antonio is our friend --"
"FRIEND?! He fucking sold us out, Rita! Do you all hear me?!! This betraying sack of shit sold us all out. He's a fucking rat, and he's the reason they're dead. He's the reason Silvia is dead!!" I hear the gasps around me, and some murmurs of disbelief. Meanwhile, Antonio can't say a fucking thing to defend himself, I've got the muzzle of my gun shoved so far into the back of his throat he can barely breath.
"Pepa, put the gun down!" I hear Salgado order from behind me. "If this is true, we need to know what he knows."
"I'm sick of wanting information! I'm sick of waiting for justice when I've got justice right here, in my hands. All I have to do is pull this trigger and justice is served. That's justice. None of this bullshit of talking, and waiting, and booking, and trials. Fuck trails!! I'm the jury, and he's fucking guilty!!"
Antonio is screaming against my gun and shaking his head, tears streaming down his face.
"I know you don't believe that, Pepa. Don't do this. Don't become a murderer, like them," she pleads.
I clench my eyes shut, trying to fight off the fury inside of me. Trying to stem the flow of rage burning through my veins. Then I feel her. Silvia. She's melting into me, cooling the heat in my blood and easing the pain in my soul.
Shhhh....it's ok, love. It's alright, I've got you. Just ease off. Ease off and let him go. Let him go, Pepa. It's alright now...
I inhale a shaking breath and loosen my grip on his neck before pulling the gun from his mouth and uncocking it. His feet take a firmer grip on the ground and he is weeping against the wall, thankful he is still standing on this earth. I hear Rita next to me say softly, "Pepa, give me the gun," and like a zombie I hand it over without any thought, only knowing that my rampage is over.
Before I know what's happening, Rita is standing before Antonio, cocking the gun, and pointing it at his head, her limbs shaking wildly.
"RITA NO!!" I scream and shove her arm aside just before she pulls the trigger. A lone bullet blasts a hole through the wall, sending shards of plaster in every direction. Several officers grab her and the gun is knocked from her hand and kicked away.
"They were your FRIENDS!!" She shrieks in pain, the arms about her unable to contain her anguish as they pull her away. One of them quickly handcuffs Antonio before rejoining the others, trying to calm Rita down. Antonio slides to the ground weeping and I just stand there, feeling numb as chaos surrounds me. I scarcely notice Silvia as she drops down to kneel before Antonio.
After a few moments I hear her soft voice call up to me. "Pepa..." I glance down to see her still watching Antonio, hand cupping his cheek like a mother to a child. My mind swirls with confusion and anger. How can she comfort this fucking turncoat? Finally, through his sobs I'm able to make out a few muttered words: "family...no choice...", prompting me to squat down next to my redhead and pull his hanging head up so he can look me in the eye.
"Why did you do it, Antonio?" I ask softly, while the mayhem around me continues.
Mumbling through his pain, I'm barely able to discern: "I'm so sorry...He has them. My family." His tears of sorrow staining every word. "I didn't know...I had no choice...forgive me..." I release my hold and rise up, unable to say a word to him. Unable to grant him the forgiveness he so desperately wants. Not now. Not yet...
_____________
Droplets of water litter the ground beneath me. My body feels rigid and numb as the tears roll down my cheeks and silently hit the floor. That I'm still capable of crying shocks me. I thought I'd used up all my tears on my wedding day, but apparently I embody a never-ending well that I wish would dry up. I wish that I could rewind my life and undo these last few days, but it's not possible. I can't change the past, and my eyes won't stop crying.
Silvia crouches before me. I've been sitting here in silence, peering at the ground like a statue, unable to move or speak. She's been kind enough to let me be, knowing that sometimes I just need time to work things out in my own head. Now she's done being quite...
"Pepa? Pepa, listen to me. It's not your fault."
I want to speak, to share what I'm feeling with her, but the lump in my throat feels like it's cutting off my air supply. I simply remain still and try to swallow it down.
"Pepa, no one knew about Antonio's family. No one knew what kind of trouble he was in."
"I was going to kill him Silvia..." I manage to croak out in a monotone voice.
"But you didn't, remember? You didn't do it."
My head raises, my pained eyes connecting with hers. "Because of you I didn't."
"I know you wouldn't have done it, Pepa," she says with heartbreaking confidence, fracturing my stoic facade.
"You don't know anything, Silvia. You don't know what it's like to see the love of your life dying in your arms after trying so desperately to save her. You don't know the pain of missing her so intensely that a bullet in the head sounds like a blessing. All of this, everything that's happened...it's got me so twisted inside, that I...I can't do this, Silvia. I can't..." I just shake my head and drop it back toward the ground, staring at the tiles below.
Silvia scoots closer to me, running her hands over and through me, comforting me the only way she can. "Pepa, I'm right here, with you. You don't have to go through this alone. We'll work this out together, I know we will."
Just then Paco exits the interrogation room and turns my way. I can hear his feet shuffling towards me before he plops down next to me and sighs. There is a long pause before he finally speaks, "Antonio Blanco's wife and two children were kidnapped over a month ago by El Gordo's men."
My eyes squeeze shut as he continues, "Apparently he's been leaking all our communications: radio frequencies, cell phone ESNs, home phones, everything. He made us as vulnerable as sitting ducks." Paco shakes his head wearily.
"Why didn't he tell anyone?" I quietly mutter, not sure if Paco can even hear me.
"He was warned that he was under constant surveillance. That he was being watched, and if he let anyone know about his secret his family would be made accountable." My hands clench together on my lap and Paco reaches over and rests his palm on them. "But luckily, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...if you can call this whole god-foresaken mess a tunnel."
"What do you mean?" My voice sounds foreign to me.
"Salgado has come up with a plan, and it hinges on you."
I glance over at him, surprised at how much I don't care.
"No one but us know about his family. We haven't validated your accusations to anyone. As far as the precinct's concerned, your attack could have been motivated by false information and grief. At least that's what we're betting on. We need you to sell that to them."
"Why?"
"So Antonio can continue as a mole in the department. We can use him to filter false information to El Gordo. If we..."
Paco continues talking, but I hang my head again, not wanting to hear what he has to say. Silvia is in front of me still, trying to pull me out of my stupor as though I were a patient in a coma. Her lilting voice reaching me despite my efforts to block it out.
"Pepa, don't do this. I know you. I know you're shutting down, but you can't. Not now. Not when we finally have an advantage over El Gordo. My instincts are telling me we must follow through on this." I jerk my head up and lock my eyes on hers, my body vibrating with desperation. "Please, Pepa. You need to help them. You're the key to all of this. This is the reason I'm here, I can feel it."
I thrust to my feet, surprising both Paco and Silvia. "I can't do it."
"What? Pepa, I don't --"
"No, Paco! You know I want you to capture the Italians and bring them down. Make them pay for everything they've done, for everyone they've hurt, but I can't be a part of it."
"Pepa!" Silvia is standing next to me, her brow furrowed in confused frustration.
"I won't do it, Paco. I can't be on this case. You saw me today with the suspect. Then later with Antonio, what I almost did to him...I'm too close to this. I'm not safe."
"Pepa, you're being ridiculous. Why won't you listen to me!" I glare over at Silvia, warning her to stop trying to convince me to change my mind.
"Pepa, you're...this doesn't..." Paco stumbles over his words, obviously taken aback by my decision.
I turn to him with pleading eyes. "Please, Paco, leave me out of it. You don't need me." I spin around and start walking down the corridor before whispering again, "You don't need me."