7 - Kind of a Stream of Consciousness

[supercompacted]

So I think I might've made a break in my dimensional equation. I'm working on....twelve dimensions, now, and it's finally allowing me to really get that correct, almost-randomized shape of the City. I really need to calibrate my detection device, but I think I've accounted for the shift in p-dimensional subspace due to the relative warping of

Comments

[deformiwhats]

Freddles, take a breath between sentences. You make me dizzy and I've got the lung capacity of a small elephant.

[supercompacted]

I don't think I can. It figures the City would make me talk about how much I liked it through a curse. It can be really annoying sometimes. But did you hear that I'm up to twelve dimensions now? I think this is really how many I need, and it's probably going to take me decades and decades to work it out, but I'm on the right track!

How's your day been going, by the way?

[deformiwhats]

Oh, posh. I like it too and I don't make it much of a secret. Twelve, huh? Like uh, like the clock, maybe?

You know, peachy in the way that I told my barista about how I grew up. You'd think living here for awhile would keep a man from running away in terror after being told he was reduced to a cow in my world, you know? Even after I explained that I always had more interest in love over violence.

...Maybe that was why he ran crying.

[supercompacted]

Twelve like the clock! I almost never make symbolic connections like that, but that's exactly it, I bet!

...oh, dear. Sounds like you've had a much worse day than I have- but I haven't gone out nearly at all, since I realized I'm talking to myself way more than usual- not that I usually talk to myself, more just mutter when I'm working over a mathematical problem. I worry sometimes that I'm going to fall into that kind of behavior...you know, the crazy wall-writing behavior, so I try to pay attention to it.

I hope your barista gets that this is a curse thing soon. He must've been a newbie.

[deformiwhats]

Hey, look at me helping. Just call me doc!

You won't, sugarbean. And if you did, we'd coax you back out again, get you back right said Fred.

He'll be all right, as long as he gets my order right tomorrow morning. So, it's okay to miss everyone, you know that right? I miss them too. We're just not whole this way.

[supercompacted]

Sure thing, doc.

I know you guys would. That's why I made sure to talk to you after I got back, because I figured it wouldn't work out, me just staying in that mansion by myself. Angel can handle that sort of thing, I think, but I really can't.

Yeah, the day after is usually easier. And...I know it's okay, I just feel like, if I acknowledge it, the dam is going to break and it will be too much for me to deal with.

[deformiwhats]

We're more social creatures, the cuddly type. He likes to do his mopey thing, he even told me today. Plus, I think I count on you just as much.

I can understand that, too. But if you let it build up too long, won't it break then, too? I'm not sure how many buckets we have to spare.

[supercompacted]

Well then, we can count on each other. But I don't think my parents would've believed you if you went up to them before I went to college that I was a social creature.

It might break later, but I just- Wes and I don't have any future, Lorne. All we had was here, and I don't know if that even counted or-

I feel like I let him down. Like I let all of you down, and I don't think acknowledging that is going to help anything.

...could we try to not talk about this today? Because I really don't know if I'm up to it.

[deformiwhats]

It doesn't count before the 20s darling, you're pretty darn friendly at least. And you're darn sweet, too.

Of course, I'll shut my yapper right away. Won't hear another sad peep out of me. Besides, we got Angel back, right? We'll be fabulous. Peas in a pod. ...I need a drink.

[supercompacted]

Oh- well, then. I guess I'll just count myself a late bloomer.

You know, that's usually not my solution to things, but I think maybe I need a drink, too. And I hope you don't feel bad about it, Lorne- I do think you're probably right, I just would rather not talk on a day where I can't censor myself at all. In fact, it's worse than that. It's like anti-censoring. So I'm just trying to keep myself to innocuous topics and hope I don't spill my innermost feelings...well, not all of them, anyway.

[deformiwhats]

And all the more beautiful for it.

I understand, sweetums. I've been dancing around Angel since he got back, I'm not sure what he'd do if I blurted out what happened with Lindsay. It's a good thing he's not all that great with the technology, or else he could go back and see so much messed up stuff. I might go crawl into my closet without my device until midnight at this rate.

[supercompacted]

You're awfully sweet, Lorne. But you know that.

Oh, boy- yeah, best to avoid Angel today, at the very least. I just told him about me dying, and we don't need to both have awkward and horrible conversations with him today. On second thought, I probably should've chucked my device out the window when I figured it out, but I'm not quite that bright.

[deformiwhats]

Maybe a little, but I also like to play the brutally honest card.

Oh, sugar I'm sorry you two had to go through that. Was he-- how'd he take it? Just as a gauge in case I get into too.

I tried turning it off earlier. Just turned right back around and turned it on again. I'm getting ready to smash it right now.

[supercompacted]

That can be better for people in some cases, too. You usually know the right times. Heck, even I have to do that, sometimes.

He- I think he was pretty devastated, to be honest. I knew how it affected all of you, when I got here, and I heard that in his voice. I think it sort of hit home just how badly our time at Wolfram and Hart was going. It was pretty bad. I think he was crying.

This curse is getting more obnoxious by the minute. Try muffling yourself, maybe? That's the only thing that seems to be half-working for people.