(no subject)
Now that Matt Jackson knows that I'm engaged, I guess it really is open information. For the last month every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have gone to class and carefully twisted the diamond around to face my fist. I was afraid that Jay Black would see it and make a big deal as he is prone to do, and I knew that I couldn't let it happen that way. I had to find a way to talk to my friend myself.
I didn't, in the end. Matt heard from somewhere else along the grapevine. It wasn't good, but it was better than having Jay shout about it in class.
I've had a hard time telling people who were once close to me that I'm getting married. People who don't know me as well are unreservedly happy for me, but there is a whole group of people who can't really hide their thoughts when they hear the news. The immediate reaction is to scrunch up their faces, and sometimes they say the words and sometimes they just think them. The reaction is always, "What, again?"
I admit, some of the conclusions that might be drawn, considering my past behavior, are not very flattering. But I wish to assure my friends that I am not crazy. I am not jumping into things. I am not rebounding.
Let's talk about my past engagement. It's okay. You're all thinking it and I don't mind talking about it. Being with Rich was a mistake. It might be hard to hear that. It's true that we seemed really good together, and I did love him very much. But it was never the right thing. It took me two years to convince myself that it could work. But I don't believe that real right choices work that way. We shouldn't have to convince ourselves of truth. And Rich and I had issues all along. We didn't always share them, and I won't go into details. That wouldn't be fair or kind.
A few of you may recall how traumatized I was when Rich left, but there are a lot of kinds of trauma. Really, the trauma did not come from losing a soulmate. I never did believe in soulmates. I was upset because I felt betrayed. I felt like the world as I knew it had turned upside down. Nothing felt certain. Rich disappeared with no explanation and no clue as to when I might see him again.
It was difficult to come to terms with how things ended, but it took only a few weeks of distance from the situation to realize that things had not been right for a long, long time. That recognition really helped move the healing process along. And I admit that there was more than one night when I found myself in tears, calling my mother at 4 in the morning. She was patient and kept her phone on and talked me through things. I also kept in touch with a close friend from back home who had also been engaged and dumped that summer. Between my family and friends from back home, I had a great support system.
Rich left in July. By August I was getting back on track, and when school started there simply wasn't any time to waste feeling sorry for myself. I have always believed that a person cannot have a successful relationship unless they are happy with themself and can be happy doing things without always needing a boyfriend or a date, so I spent the first part of last semester building friendships with people from church and new friends from school. I'm afraid I let some of my old friends fall by the wayside. Rich and I had a lot of friends in common, and I didn't want anybody to feel that their loyalties were torn, so I just sort of let people go. I'm sad about that sometimes, especially now. I'm afraid that my old friends will think that I am jumping into something and destroying my life. If I had kept these friends in my life they would have seen more of the healing process and would be more okay with things.
By November I was getting restless with school and tired of church dances and decided it might be fun to start dating a little. My roommate and I held a Sadie Hawkins Day date night and invited a few of our girl friends to find dates and bring them over. I asked Andrew. I had met him at a church social some months before, actually when I was still dating Rich. I didn't like him at first. I figured he was some military guy who I would never see again. I could see from the very first that we were very different. Besides, another girl was hanging all over him.
But he was also really funny. By the end of the first evening he had me laughing really hard. I thought he was funny, but had no thought of being friends with him, and wasn't very surprised when I didn't see him again for a few months.
The next time I saw Andrew was after Rich and I broke up. I started seeing him at more and more activities, and soon realized that my original surmise was not entirely accurate. He was really smart and nice and thoughtful. He would bring me food at work on nights when he knew I didn't have a chance to eat during the day. We weren't super close and really only ever saw each other in groups, but we always had a lot of fun in those groups, and he seemed like a nice, non-threatening person to ask to the pressure-free date night.
We didn't jump right into a relationship. In fact, I went on dates with a couple of other guys after I started going on dates with Andrew. We talked occasionally about whether we should do the conventional relationship thing, but decided that would be dumb and we liked the way things were. We called it "recreational dating."
We never did put a label on it. We never really had to. By January neither of us was dating anyone else. By the beginning of March we both found ourselves with the distinct impression that we needed to either get married or break up. I can't really describe the amount of prayer that went into the decision or the way I feel I found my answers. I just hope that my friends can trust me when I say that I'm confident that I am making the right choice.
We've been engaged since March 14. We're getting married in July, but we aren't telling anyone the date. We aren't really having a wedding. We really wanted to elope, but his dad is a church leader and we need his permission to be married in the church. Besides, Andrew is related to practically everyone in middle Georgia and every time I apply for a job it seems that the person who is hiring turns out to be kin. We figured word would get back to his parents despite our best efforts. So we're engaged, but no wedding.
And I guess that's all. If anyone reads this blog anymore and has any questions, I'm happy to answer them.
I didn't, in the end. Matt heard from somewhere else along the grapevine. It wasn't good, but it was better than having Jay shout about it in class.
I've had a hard time telling people who were once close to me that I'm getting married. People who don't know me as well are unreservedly happy for me, but there is a whole group of people who can't really hide their thoughts when they hear the news. The immediate reaction is to scrunch up their faces, and sometimes they say the words and sometimes they just think them. The reaction is always, "What, again?"
I admit, some of the conclusions that might be drawn, considering my past behavior, are not very flattering. But I wish to assure my friends that I am not crazy. I am not jumping into things. I am not rebounding.
Let's talk about my past engagement. It's okay. You're all thinking it and I don't mind talking about it. Being with Rich was a mistake. It might be hard to hear that. It's true that we seemed really good together, and I did love him very much. But it was never the right thing. It took me two years to convince myself that it could work. But I don't believe that real right choices work that way. We shouldn't have to convince ourselves of truth. And Rich and I had issues all along. We didn't always share them, and I won't go into details. That wouldn't be fair or kind.
A few of you may recall how traumatized I was when Rich left, but there are a lot of kinds of trauma. Really, the trauma did not come from losing a soulmate. I never did believe in soulmates. I was upset because I felt betrayed. I felt like the world as I knew it had turned upside down. Nothing felt certain. Rich disappeared with no explanation and no clue as to when I might see him again.
It was difficult to come to terms with how things ended, but it took only a few weeks of distance from the situation to realize that things had not been right for a long, long time. That recognition really helped move the healing process along. And I admit that there was more than one night when I found myself in tears, calling my mother at 4 in the morning. She was patient and kept her phone on and talked me through things. I also kept in touch with a close friend from back home who had also been engaged and dumped that summer. Between my family and friends from back home, I had a great support system.
Rich left in July. By August I was getting back on track, and when school started there simply wasn't any time to waste feeling sorry for myself. I have always believed that a person cannot have a successful relationship unless they are happy with themself and can be happy doing things without always needing a boyfriend or a date, so I spent the first part of last semester building friendships with people from church and new friends from school. I'm afraid I let some of my old friends fall by the wayside. Rich and I had a lot of friends in common, and I didn't want anybody to feel that their loyalties were torn, so I just sort of let people go. I'm sad about that sometimes, especially now. I'm afraid that my old friends will think that I am jumping into something and destroying my life. If I had kept these friends in my life they would have seen more of the healing process and would be more okay with things.
By November I was getting restless with school and tired of church dances and decided it might be fun to start dating a little. My roommate and I held a Sadie Hawkins Day date night and invited a few of our girl friends to find dates and bring them over. I asked Andrew. I had met him at a church social some months before, actually when I was still dating Rich. I didn't like him at first. I figured he was some military guy who I would never see again. I could see from the very first that we were very different. Besides, another girl was hanging all over him.
But he was also really funny. By the end of the first evening he had me laughing really hard. I thought he was funny, but had no thought of being friends with him, and wasn't very surprised when I didn't see him again for a few months.
The next time I saw Andrew was after Rich and I broke up. I started seeing him at more and more activities, and soon realized that my original surmise was not entirely accurate. He was really smart and nice and thoughtful. He would bring me food at work on nights when he knew I didn't have a chance to eat during the day. We weren't super close and really only ever saw each other in groups, but we always had a lot of fun in those groups, and he seemed like a nice, non-threatening person to ask to the pressure-free date night.
We didn't jump right into a relationship. In fact, I went on dates with a couple of other guys after I started going on dates with Andrew. We talked occasionally about whether we should do the conventional relationship thing, but decided that would be dumb and we liked the way things were. We called it "recreational dating."
We never did put a label on it. We never really had to. By January neither of us was dating anyone else. By the beginning of March we both found ourselves with the distinct impression that we needed to either get married or break up. I can't really describe the amount of prayer that went into the decision or the way I feel I found my answers. I just hope that my friends can trust me when I say that I'm confident that I am making the right choice.
We've been engaged since March 14. We're getting married in July, but we aren't telling anyone the date. We aren't really having a wedding. We really wanted to elope, but his dad is a church leader and we need his permission to be married in the church. Besides, Andrew is related to practically everyone in middle Georgia and every time I apply for a job it seems that the person who is hiring turns out to be kin. We figured word would get back to his parents despite our best efforts. So we're engaged, but no wedding.
And I guess that's all. If anyone reads this blog anymore and has any questions, I'm happy to answer them.