hm, i dont usually post emotional posts unlocked but im kinda hopin a certain someone sees it
heh. i fell asleep about 12:30..woke up at 6:30..and havent been able to sleep since. Sux.
Anyway..when no ones awake and you're all alone..you have time to think..
I've just been fucking up with so many people lately. I'm screwing up some of the greatest friendships I've ever had. Some of them are my fault, and some of them arent. Ugh those people know who they are and I'm trying my best to fix them, but it's hard doing it 12 hours away.
I especially feel like I lost one of my best friends...ever. I don't know how that one happened..musta been when i turned my back...i musta been distracted. But now she's gone and i hope not for good. I mean..i knew that it was falling and i guess i just .. i dont know what happened there...but then i thought about it...and i realized that i fucked up a great friendship..and wow...that one hurt. I would call her but i lost her number when my cell phone got murdered...and she's never been online...i do know that if you're reading this babe i'm gonna make it up to you like crazy when i get back. We're gonna catch up and be inseperable again..just like old times :o) I promise
i also know ive distanced myself a bit from all you guys ((talking to pretty much everyone reading this)) and im really going to try to fix that one when i get home too.
ugh, everything is just so frustrating im so worried all the time about probably nothing and i have absolutely no one to vent to. despite the bad things..there's also so many good things happening to me...and all i can do is bring up the doubts and worry about the bad. i should be happy about it and i am a lot of the time but sometimes im just...not. i know im going to end up losing it and i know it...but im also worried. always. there's always that little voice that's like *too good to be true.* there's always this little part of me that refuses to accept that something good .. no strings attached...could actually happen to me.
ugh..and to top it all off you arent online to tell me everything's gonna be okay.
Anyway..when no ones awake and you're all alone..you have time to think..
I've just been fucking up with so many people lately. I'm screwing up some of the greatest friendships I've ever had. Some of them are my fault, and some of them arent. Ugh those people know who they are and I'm trying my best to fix them, but it's hard doing it 12 hours away.
I especially feel like I lost one of my best friends...ever. I don't know how that one happened..musta been when i turned my back...i musta been distracted. But now she's gone and i hope not for good. I mean..i knew that it was falling and i guess i just .. i dont know what happened there...but then i thought about it...and i realized that i fucked up a great friendship..and wow...that one hurt. I would call her but i lost her number when my cell phone got murdered...and she's never been online...i do know that if you're reading this babe i'm gonna make it up to you like crazy when i get back. We're gonna catch up and be inseperable again..just like old times :o) I promise
i also know ive distanced myself a bit from all you guys ((talking to pretty much everyone reading this)) and im really going to try to fix that one when i get home too.
ugh, everything is just so frustrating im so worried all the time about probably nothing and i have absolutely no one to vent to. despite the bad things..there's also so many good things happening to me...and all i can do is bring up the doubts and worry about the bad. i should be happy about it and i am a lot of the time but sometimes im just...not. i know im going to end up losing it and i know it...but im also worried. always. there's always that little voice that's like *too good to be true.* there's always this little part of me that refuses to accept that something good .. no strings attached...could actually happen to me.
ugh..and to top it all off you arent online to tell me everything's gonna be okay.