books 2008: Talk to the Hand, by Lynne Truss
Full title: Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door. Truss wrote Eats, Shoots and Leaves, which I loved, and which is really a very well thought out and well researched rant about how people should use correct punctuation and how the lack of correct punctuation both contributes to and is a result of illiteracy, and therefore by using good punctuation and correcting bad punctuation we are supporting literacy efforts in society. I picked up this book because I was excited to see her name on it. In essence, Truss rants about rudeness for the same reasons that she does about punctuation: that the lack of good manners and the escalation of rude behavior both signals and contributes to the downfall of society. She makes a good argument for just being nicer to each other, for pity's sake.
Truss covers all varieties of rudeness, from drivers who cut you off on the highway and give you the finger, to loud cell phone conversations on the train, to the endless automated menus you get when you call your bank, to retail clerks who can't be bothered to be pleasant, let alone helpful. She also covers the "Universal Eff Off Reflex", by which any person's response to any sort of criticism is to tell the other person to "Eff Off", rather than considering whether maybe just maybe oneself might have been at fault.
Truss talks about how in modern society we've lost all the social niceties that characterized, say, upper class Victorians, and in a way that's a good thing, because a lot of those "manners" were there to exclude and mark out the lower class people who didn't belong. However, nothing has really replaced those old rules--we don't have a new set of social values to act on. Everybody has their own set of rules they think are correct, and everybody's set of rules is different, and everybody thinks they're right and everyone else is wrong. Everyone disagrees about what constitutes "good manners". Also, Truss argues that people are becoming less aware of each other, and less aware that other people deserve respect, and so don't notice or care when they are rude.
One thing I liked was the following list (pp. 152-3), which Truss describes as "twenty (mostly lapsed) reasons to show special politeness to other people that have nothing to do with class":
1. they are older
2. they know more than you do
3. they know less than you do
4. they got here first
5. they have educational qualifications in the subject under discussion
6. you are in their house
7. they once helped you financially
8. they have been good to you all your life
9. they are less fortunate than you
10. they have achieved status in the wider world
11. you are serving them in a shop
12. they are in the right
13. they are your boss
14. they work for you
15. they are a policeman/teacher/doctor/judge
16. they are in need
17. they are doing you a favor
18. they paid for the tickets
19. you phoned them, not the other way around
20. they have a menial job
For me personally, I am courteous in the vast majority of situations on that list just by instinct. Clearly my mama raised me right. It comes as a shock to me that (for example) someone would not be polite to a person who had been kind to them all their life. I have always been horrified to hear stories of people being rude to someone while in that person's house, or after that person had bought the tickets, or to someone who's doing them a favor. I think one of the scariest aspects of those situations is that the rude person has no idea that he's being rude, and it's rude to tell him so, and he'd tell you to Eff Off if you did, so in essence you're helpless. I find that really horrifying. I think it's really sad that Truss needed to make a list of these reasons to be polite to others. I thought it was an interesting and useful list, and that we can all use some reminding to be kind to the people on that list, so I am posting it without an LJ-cut even though it's long. I hope you have all read it.
A line I really enjoyed:
After discussing the many, many role models in pop culture for rudeness, crassness, and nastiness, Truss states, "Count the role models for respectfulness, on the other hand, and after a couple of hours you will have to admit there is only one: Babe. That's it. Just one small sturdy imaginary sheep-pig stands between us and total moral decay." (pp. 172-3) It's true. And I absolutely adore Babe, I can't help it.
Truss is remarkably funny and sharp in her writing. As in her earlier book, she is also extremely British, and focuses on the British specifics of the problem, but I'm okay with that because most of what she writes is completely applicable to Americans as well, and also because it's such fun to read her.
Conclusion: definitely a worthwhile read. I enjoyed Eats, Shoots and Leaves more, but this book is also highly recommended, particularly to old fogies who will enjoy having someone to rant about those hooligans with. I don't know if the hooligans in question would get anything out of it, but I would recommend it to them as well in the hopes that they would.
Truss covers all varieties of rudeness, from drivers who cut you off on the highway and give you the finger, to loud cell phone conversations on the train, to the endless automated menus you get when you call your bank, to retail clerks who can't be bothered to be pleasant, let alone helpful. She also covers the "Universal Eff Off Reflex", by which any person's response to any sort of criticism is to tell the other person to "Eff Off", rather than considering whether maybe just maybe oneself might have been at fault.
Truss talks about how in modern society we've lost all the social niceties that characterized, say, upper class Victorians, and in a way that's a good thing, because a lot of those "manners" were there to exclude and mark out the lower class people who didn't belong. However, nothing has really replaced those old rules--we don't have a new set of social values to act on. Everybody has their own set of rules they think are correct, and everybody's set of rules is different, and everybody thinks they're right and everyone else is wrong. Everyone disagrees about what constitutes "good manners". Also, Truss argues that people are becoming less aware of each other, and less aware that other people deserve respect, and so don't notice or care when they are rude.
One thing I liked was the following list (pp. 152-3), which Truss describes as "twenty (mostly lapsed) reasons to show special politeness to other people that have nothing to do with class":
1. they are older
2. they know more than you do
3. they know less than you do
4. they got here first
5. they have educational qualifications in the subject under discussion
6. you are in their house
7. they once helped you financially
8. they have been good to you all your life
9. they are less fortunate than you
10. they have achieved status in the wider world
11. you are serving them in a shop
12. they are in the right
13. they are your boss
14. they work for you
15. they are a policeman/teacher/doctor/judge
16. they are in need
17. they are doing you a favor
18. they paid for the tickets
19. you phoned them, not the other way around
20. they have a menial job
For me personally, I am courteous in the vast majority of situations on that list just by instinct. Clearly my mama raised me right. It comes as a shock to me that (for example) someone would not be polite to a person who had been kind to them all their life. I have always been horrified to hear stories of people being rude to someone while in that person's house, or after that person had bought the tickets, or to someone who's doing them a favor. I think one of the scariest aspects of those situations is that the rude person has no idea that he's being rude, and it's rude to tell him so, and he'd tell you to Eff Off if you did, so in essence you're helpless. I find that really horrifying. I think it's really sad that Truss needed to make a list of these reasons to be polite to others. I thought it was an interesting and useful list, and that we can all use some reminding to be kind to the people on that list, so I am posting it without an LJ-cut even though it's long. I hope you have all read it.
A line I really enjoyed:
After discussing the many, many role models in pop culture for rudeness, crassness, and nastiness, Truss states, "Count the role models for respectfulness, on the other hand, and after a couple of hours you will have to admit there is only one: Babe. That's it. Just one small sturdy imaginary sheep-pig stands between us and total moral decay." (pp. 172-3) It's true. And I absolutely adore Babe, I can't help it.
Truss is remarkably funny and sharp in her writing. As in her earlier book, she is also extremely British, and focuses on the British specifics of the problem, but I'm okay with that because most of what she writes is completely applicable to Americans as well, and also because it's such fun to read her.
Conclusion: definitely a worthwhile read. I enjoyed Eats, Shoots and Leaves more, but this book is also highly recommended, particularly to old fogies who will enjoy having someone to rant about those hooligans with. I don't know if the hooligans in question would get anything out of it, but I would recommend it to them as well in the hopes that they would.