The Vanishing Man
Pairing: SakumotoLength: 8,049 words
Genre: AU, Romance, Mystery, Fantasy, Drama, Friendship
Rating: G
Summary: A naturally observant person, Sakurai Sho was intrigued by a stranger he saw from the window across his favorite restaurant. What caught his eye wasn't only his beauty but the fact that he seemed to be on an unending loop. Who was he and why does he look so utterly lonely?
Tumblr Photoset
A/N: This may be the longest, hardest and most ambitious fic I've written to date. It's my first time challenging a new fic genre but with the new PV previews, I couldn't help but write an AU. This is inspired by all of those news clips and by the fact that I've kept replaying the videos like it's stuck on a loop.
P.S. I listened to Maybe The Night on loop while writing this for three days. Maybe you want to listen to it as well to set the mood? :)
Sakurai Sho usually wasn’t a nosy person. Sitting by the window in his favorite restaurant, he just had a habit of observing passersby. It was a place that he frequented as it was on the way home.
Being a postcard photographer, he loved a nice scenery. The restaurant was in front of a café which was next to a small bookshop-all three shops looked and felt rustic which was a glaring contrast to the city once you've left the street.
He was familiar with the regulars because not a lot of people frequent the shops. And so, his curiosity was piqued when he noticed a beautiful but unfamiliar man.
It was a calm Wednesday afternoon the first time he saw him. The man went in the coffee shop, sling bag around his torso, and came out holding a cup of coffee. He sat down on the bench just outside of the café with a smile on his face, looking up and admiring the sky.
Sho would have wanted to take a photo of him as he blended very nicely with his surroundings but alas, he had forgotten to bring his camera that day.
The next few times he saw him, it was the same sequence of events-he went in, walked out and looked up. At this point, Sho had already been enamored by him and vowed to capture the beautiful man in his element. He went to get his camera from his bag but when he turned back around, the man was nowhere to be found.
“Do you know that man?” He once asked a server to which he only received a confused frown.
“What man?”
On the second week that he saw him doing the same thing, Sho couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. It was like he was watching a broken film that was constantly on loop, and once he looked away, the mirage was gone.
And thus, his current predicament, meal forgotten as he watched the mysterious man intently-his camera at the ready. There was something eerie with what was happening and no one else seemed to notice. The man would arrive at 4pm and would vanish at 4:40pm. No more, no less.
Sho had begun timing the man’s every movement. He had his camera ready at exactly 4:23pm, watching as the man sat down on the bench and looked up at the sky. Sho lifted his camera to his eyes and what he saw somehow broke his heart-the beautiful man was smiling but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.
He had heard the shutter go off, unconsciously capturing a photo of the man. Sho didn’t take his eyes off of him as he gently placed his camera down. It felt like he was gravitating towards the stranger and so he stood up, catching one final glance before paying for his meal. When he looked back outside, however, the man was gone once again.
Alarmed, Sho ran out of the restaurant. He searched up and down the street but could not find any trace of him. He felt his heart stammer in his chest, suddenly worried for a man he didn’t even know. Sho looked down on his watch, 4:40pm.
Who was he? What was he? And why did he look so utterly lonely?
He may have seemed a bit hysterical to the point that the café owner, who probably saw the entire thing, had come out looking worried.
“Sakurai-san?”
Sho blinked and his forehead creased. “Sorry. I was just…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say. But then he realized, this was the owner and his eyes lit up. “Actually, Ohno-san, I just wanted to ask a question.”
The owner, Ohno Satoshi-whom Sho knew because he had agreed for his shop to be photographed for his postcards-nodded in confirmation.
“No problem. Let's talk inside.”
Sho smiled in gratitude, following Ohno inside the cafe. The mystery man always got his coffee from here, so Ohno would definitely know who he was, right? Sho went up the counter, immediately noticing a cup of coffee left just near the cashier.
“Ohno-san, I wanted to ask…” Sho began, “Do you know who that man is?”
“Who?”
“That man who drops by here to get his coffee at 4pm everyday and then proceeds to sit by the bench right outside.” He recounted. “I’ve seen him from across the restaurant for the past few weeks.”
Sho watched as realization hit Ohno’s face. A grim smile fell on the owner’s lips and as if his heart could feel the tension, it began to thump in erratic beats once again.
“Ah, that man. Beautiful, isn’t he?” Ohno commented to which Sho couldn’t help but nod. Sho did not miss the glance that Ohno gave to the coffee sitting on the counter. “I don't really know him as I’ve only seen him once.”
Sho’s forehead furrowed at that, how is that possible when he knew that Ohno was always in the shop?
“If you see him again, could you try and talk to him? He seems lost.” Ohno ended vaguely. “But I’m sorry I don’t have any information on him other than that.”
“Are you sure? From what I’ve observed, he’d always come in here and walk out with a cup of coffee.”
“I’m sorry but I don’t really...see him.” Ohno said with what seemed to be a sad smile.
They left it at that, Ohno seemed genuine with his response. Unfortunately, Sho could not let it go. The next day, he was intent on finally talking to the man just to alleviate his curiosity.
At 4pm, Sho was ready, taking a final bite of his food and paying for it, he waited outside the restaurant. And right on schedule, he watched as the man arrived, walked in the restaurant, walked out and sat on the bench. After giving himself a few minutes of odd pep talk, Sho took a deep breath and proceeded to break the man's routine.
“Hello?” Sho began tentatively, walking closer towards the man. He could see Ohno's eyes trained on him from the cafe window.
No response.
“Sorry, hi?” Sho tried again.
This time, the mysterious man seemed to snap out of his stupor-shock written all over his face as he stared directly at him. Sho stood awkwardly on his spot, nervously waiting for an acknowledgement.
“Hello.” Sho smiled, third time's the charm.
“You're...” The man began, mouth agape and eyes glistening. “...talking to me?”
It was Sho's turn to be surprised, was that something unusual? “I'm sorry, it really is kinda weird to just talk to someone out of the blue.” He chuckled shyly.
The man was still staring at him like he's grown another head. What came out of his lips next sent shivers down Sho’s spine.
“No but...you can see me?”
“I'm sorry, what?”
The man gave him a soft smile while Sho just stared at him in confusion. “It's the first time someone has spoken to me, let alone see me.” He looked up at the sky like he usually does. “Thank you.”
“Sorry, I can't seem to follow.” Sho voiced out but as he did so, the man looked at him with the same sad eyes he saw the day before.
“I hope you can talk to me again next time.”
“Are you leaving?” Sho dumbly asked, instinctively looking at his watch. 4:39pm. “Where do you…”
“Matsumoto Jun.” The man introduced himself simply. “Please, talk to me again.” He smiled as he looked up at the sky again.
Sho frowned, glancing up as well, wondering what was fascinating with the sky. When he looked back, Matsumoto Jun was gone and when he checked his watch, it read 4:40pm.
His heart was beating madly in his chest, goosebumps present in his skin. Sho understood what just happened but somehow, he wasn't afraid. The stranger sounded so sad but happy as well to be able to talk to someone.
Ohno walked out of the shop with curious eyes as well. “You really spoke with him, didn't you?”
“Ohno-san, who was he?”
He let himself be led in the cafe, listening to Ohno as he explained. “I don't know. I told you I only saw him once, the first time he bought coffee from me.” Ohno started. “I've been leaving this coffee here for him because I do feel a presence every 4pm.”
“So he's…?”
“Yeah.”
A lost soul.
Sho was not new to seeing lost souls as he was someone who traveled a lot but this was the first time he had meddled with one. He sees them behind his lenses but he’d never engage. This Matsumoto Jun just seemed so alive.
“What happened to him? Why is he lost?” He inquired.
“I'm not quite sure. I’d like to help him if I can, but as I've said before, I don't really see him.”
Sho pondered the situation, thinking hard on his next course of action. ‘Please, talk to me again.’ It was a plead, more so than a request. Should he let himself get tangled up in this mess? He was just a simple photographer-he knew better than to engage in the call of lost souls.
He decided to give it one more chance and so, went back the next day. This time, he waited inside Ohno's café, thinking of multiple questions as he replayed the scenario he's been seeing almost daily.
Will he be messing with Jun's timeline if he interferes too much? Why does he vanish at 4:40pm?
His internal questioning was halted when he saw Ohno move to place a steaming hot cup of coffee near the cashier-a telltale sign that it was 4pm. Sho observed from his seat as Jun arrived on time, not looking at anyone but smiling at the sight of the coffee.
He watched, mindful of the time, as Jun let the coffee cool down. Sho saw Jun grab the coffee and turn away but when Sho looked at the counter, the fresh coffee remained unmoved.
All the while, the goosebumps on his skin never wavered. Sho made eye contact with Ohno as Jun walked out of the cafe. Sho nodded, making up his mind. He knew he was already tangled in this when he decided to talk to the stranger the day before-already in so deep from the time he thought of capturing the man's beauty with the scenery he so very well knew.
Sho noticed the surprise on Jun’s face as he walked out of the café which was instantly replaced by a genuine smile.
“I came to talk to you again.” Sho said, “And I think I only have less than 20 minutes to do so.”
“I know.” Jun responded with a sad smile. “It's been a while since I last spoke with someone.”
Sho realized that this was not a loop, Jun had remembered their encounter the previous day. It made the gears in his mind work, trying to figure out what was happening. He sat down next to Jun on the bench, the latter finally positioning himself differently-it seems that he really was altering Jun’s usual timeline.
“My name’s Sakurai Sho.” He watched as Jun gave him a toothy grin. Sho’s forehead creased as he tried to understand the situation. “You seem lost, Matsumoto-san. I want to know why you’re stuck here.” Sho continued, keeping track of time.
“Nice to meet you, Sakurai-san.” Jun greeted. “And you’re right, I am lost.”
4:29pm. “It seems to me that you’re aware of your situation-of what you currently are. What happened to you?”
Jun looked up at the sky again, as he does, this time with a defeated sigh. “I wish I could remember. But I can’t.” He bit his lip. “I just…know that I come back here every single day. It feels almost like I’m floating with no direction.”
Sho leaned back on the bench, mind working hard. He watched Jun’s even breaths, staring at his back almost as if he could touch him.
4:38pm.
“You seem so alive.” Sho voiced out his thoughts. Jun looked back at him, his eyes shining, a hand on his heart. Sho’s hand unconsciously moved towards the stranger, wanting to know if he was real.
“Honestly?” Jun began. “I almost feel like I still am.” He smiled sadly.
Sho blinked and he was gone. 4:40pm, always on time.
--
“So you remember every little detail from your loop?” Sho asked during one of their meet-ups.
It had easily become Sho’s habit to talk to Jun everyday. He knew he looked like a crazy person, talking to himself from an outsider point of view but for as long as someone believes him-Ohno Satoshi-he had no problem with it.
“Yes, I remember the first time I realized I was a wandering ghost. I literally held this cup, turned around and looked back-the cup was still there.” Jun explained. “I’ll always be thankful to Ohno-san for always leaving out a coffee for me.” He smiled.
“Then you're more like a wandering consciousness than a lost soul. That’s unusual.” Sho drawled. “Oh, and Ohno-san will be happy to know that.” Sho continued. “Anyway, I want to help you, Jun-kun.” He finally said.
“To remember?”
“Yes. If I’m going to be honest,” Sho reached out, hand hovering over Jun’s-an energy was emanating there. “I think you really are still alive. And remembering what happened to you can be the key to you finding yourself.”
“I'm willing to try it.”
“Great. Give me time to research more about you, okay? I'll come back tomorrow with…”
Sho paused, realizing that Jun was already gone.
“We should really learn how to say goodbye.” Sho chuckled to himself.
--
Thus began Sakurai Sho’s investigation on what happened to one Matsumoto Jun. He scoured the internet, looking for any news related to an incident regarding Jun. After days of research, he found nothing-highly possible that it was just a small time accident or something to that extent.
Jun had reassured him that it’s alright, he can wait, but Sho knew better. He had noticed Jun becoming more and more translucent by the day. So when he couldn’t find anything on the internet, he opted to ask around the immediate vicinity of the café.
Sho asked Ohno to sketch Jun’s face so he can show it to people and realized that the owner had a knack for the arts. The sketch captured Jun’s raw beauty-Ohno did once say that he found the man beautiful.
“Ohno-san just keeps impressing me every time.” Jun laughed, peering over Sho’s shoulder as he held the sketch in front of him, Ohno leaning on the door frame by their side.
“He likes it, Ohno-san.” Sho relayed to the man. Ohno just grinned and went back inside. “Well, he did say he saw you once and he found you beautiful.”
“I do get that a lot.” Jun stuck his nose up in the air.
Sho squinted his eyes in disbelief at the sight in front of him. “Good job being too full of yourself. Are you like this even as a human being?”
Jun chuckled at that. “I guess you have to find me sooner to know.” He joked but Sho could only nod at that.
“But you have to promise to be my muse if I do.” Sho honestly responded. “My camera is ready for you.” He added. Sho could still feel Jun’s presence near his shoulder and only had to softly crane his neck to the side to glance at him.
“When you do,” Jun corrected him. “I will.” Almost in a whisper, close to Sho’s ear.
He didn’t know when it started but they’ve become closer as time went by-comfortable enough to start silly banters and sometimes, have moments like this. Sho turned towards Jun, knowing the clock was ticking.
“I’ll find you.”
“I know.”
--
It was on a gloomy, rainy night when Sho finally chanced on a clue about what happened to Jun. He had taken refuge under the overhang of the small bookshop next to the café. Sho dusted the rain drops off his coat, smiling as his eyes fell on the benches.
He remembered he had to apologize to Jun for not dropping by that day, he had been stuck with negotiations at work.
“Sho-chan?”
Sho turned to look at who called him and realized that it came from inside the bookshop. His eyes lit up as he saw the familiar face of an old friend.
“Nino!”
Ninomiya Kazunari was his neighbor-turned-friend who loved to visit the bookshop to read manga. Sho hadn’t seen him for months since both of them loved to travel. Nino walked out and joined him by the overhang.
“Catch up over coffee?”
“As long as it’s on you.”
Sho laughed, Nino never changed his frugal ways. They ran towards the café and took a seat by the window. Sho watched as Ohno served the coffee himself, rolling his eyes as he saw Nino openly flirting.
“What?”
“You flirt like that but you leave him all the time.” Sho sighed, taking a slow sip of his coffee. “Ohno-san’s a good man, Nino.” He laughed.
“Don’t worry about us, Sho-chan. We’re good.” Nino winked at him along with a soft chuckle, refusing to elaborate.
They talked about a myriad of things-different experiences, recent travels and work updates. Sho left out the part where he was talking with a ghost, Nino didn’t need to know that. Once there was a lull in their conversation, Sho heard Nino say something important.
“Man, nights like this reminds me of depressing stuff.” Nino said offhandedly. “When I left 2 months ago, an accident happened right in front of me.” He continued, looking up at the sky.
Sho stared up at the sky as well, remembering that he got back from the countryside a few days after Nino left or so what their landlord had told him.
“An accident, huh?”
“Yeah, it was the first time I saw something like that upfront. It was bone chilling.” Nino drawled. “I was rushing to the airport and had to call Aiba-san for help.”
Aiba Masaki was their landlord. He was always just in their apartment building, cleaning windows and playing with his little dog. “What happened?”
Nino shrugged. “It was a blur, really. It was a night like this and I was running late for my flight. I was waiting for my taxi when I saw a man on a bike get hit by a car that swerved hard across the road.”
Sho scrunched his nose up, imagining the situation. He would have freaked out if he was put in Nino’s place.
“I rushed over to them once it cleared, no one else was there to help. The car was a wreck so you can just imagine what it did to the man on the bike.” Nino shook his head in disbelief. “I called an ambulance and then Aiba-san for help after that.” He said. “I guess the driver was drunk?”
“That’s rough.” Sho commented. “Drunk driving is stupid.” He said angrily.
“It is. Aiba-san took care of the whole thing and shooed me away when he arrived.” Nino continued. “Beautiful man though, the one on the bike. It looked really bad for him, I hope he’s alright.”
Sho’s mind snapped back in action at that. Beautiful man. ‘I do get that a lot’.
“Sorry, this was 2 months ago, right?” Sho finally questioned, gears turning in his brain. He turned to look at Ohno who was busy by the counter. “Ohno-san!”
Nino frowned, he just came back and didn’t know that in the duration of the months he was gone, Sho and Ohno had become acquainted enough to be friends. Ohno walked over to them quietly.
“By any chance, was there a bicycle parked near the café on that day?” Sho inquired, not bothering to explain as he knew Ohno would understand.
It took a while as Ohno contemplated, time was ticking and Sho wanted answers. “I think so, yes.”
His heart hammered in his chest. Rummaging through his bag, he pulled out Ohno’s sketch and placed it in front of Nino. “Was this him?”
Sho waited as Nino furrowed his brows while staring at the sketch. “Who drew this? Certainly not you.” He joked.
“Nino please. This is important.” Sho urged. Even Ohno was waiting for a response. Nino squinted his eyes, studying the drawing and as if something clicked, he said,
“That’s him.”
--
‘It looked really bad for him.’
“…-san? Sho-san?”
Sho blinked, realizing that he was spacing out and Jun was grabbing his attention. He stared at the figment in front of him, Jun looked concerned.
“Everything alright?”
Sho gave him a hesitant smile. He didn’t know what to do or what to say-he had actively avoided Jun for the past few days, gathering more information about his accident and coming up with different theories on his situation. He was irritated that he wasted a lot of time while all his answers were literally just an arm’s length away.
Sho found out that Jun rode a bicycle to the café that day and did what he does during the loop. After he finished his coffee, he stayed in the bookshop to do some light reading. The bookshop owner confirmed seeing him reading up on bonsai care for a few hours before going off into the night. The owner remembered clouds rolling around that day and rain pouring down afterwards.
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Oh good. I thought you can’t see or hear me anymore. Don’t scare me like that.” Jun laughed, looking up at the sky.
4:28pm.
“MatsuJun,” Sho began, he knew his eyes conveyed the worry that he felt. He would be risking a lot if he made Jun remember but as he watched him become more translucent than the last time he saw him, Sho knew that it was worth a try. “I can help you remember.”
Jun stared at him for a while before looking down at his hands, noticing the same thing that Sho did. “Did you find out what happened?” There was a pause.
“Yes.”
Jun took a deep breath, glancing up at Sho who looked even more worried. “Was it bad?” Sho bit his lip. Jun chuckled sadly, Sho’s silence spoke volumes. He brought a hand up to his face to inspect it. “Maybe vanishing is not so bad after all.”
It was going to be painful. Sho had realized a possibility that Jun was in this loop because he didn’t want to remember-this was the moment he may have wanted to repeat and halt everything else that happened afterwards.
He may be being selfish but the thought of Jun vanishing forever did not sit well with him, just thinking about it made his heart drop. Despite knowing Jun’s reservations, Sho still wanted to test out his theory. He didn’t want to let him go-he wanted to extend their time and bring him back to wherever his body was lying in wait.
And so he dropped a memory without warning.
“You loved reading about bonsai care. Do you remember reading that in the bookshop over there?” Sho said in a rush, knowing that he was battling time. He had to try if this will work.
4:39pm. He waited as Jun looked over the bookshop, face blank as a new sheet of paper. Once the clock ticked 4:40pm, Sho closed his eyes, expecting Jun to be gone. But like a miracle, a new sequence of events had begun as soon as he opened them.
His heart stammered in his chest, it was like watching a memory unfold. Sho knew in that moment that he had extended Jun’s loop and his theory was correct-if Jun would willingly remember all the things that happened that day, he will eventually find his way back.
Sho rushed towards the bookshop watching as Jun rounded a corner, grab a book and found a cozy little nook at the back of the shop-away from prying eyes. Sho never interfered in the beginnings of Jun’s memories, even during the café loop, he didn’t want to alter the memory too much.
Once enough time had passed, Sho sat down in front of Jun. “MatsuJun?” He called out.
Sho extended out a hand, unsure of what was going to happen next as they were in uncharted territory. He didn’t know if their shared moments had been erased. But all his worries took a back seat because in this light, it almost seemed like he could touch him-almost seemed like he was real.
His hand hovered over Jun’s right cheek until he saw his mouth twitch. “Sho-san, you’re a sly man.”
Sho let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as Jun raised a hand to hover over his own, laughing at his reaction. Sho wanted to touch him but knew that there would be nothing there. So instead, he moved in close, if Jun was real, their foreheads would be touching.
“Don’t scare me like that.” He said, voice coming out in a whisper.
Jun chuckled quietly, Sho didn’t know if he could feel him but he was glad that he stayed put. “I’m sorry. This all feels new to me.” He said.
“I know. I’m sorry for doing it without your permission.” Sho responded. He pulled back, moving to sit next to Jun instead. He looked at his watch, 5:45pm. “I was told that you spent at least 2 hours in this shop.” He told him. Jun entered the shop at 4:55pm, Sho had waited almost an hour before interfering which turned out to be a good decision.
“I did? Wow.”
“You don’t remember?”
“No.” Jun replied, looking down at the book in his hand-even the book was part of the memory, Sho noticed. “I may have been fascinated by these bonsai care instructions.” He laughed.
They spent the hour talking with Sho forever grateful to his own spur of the moment decision for extending their time together. At most, he already had an hour and 20 minutes of everyday with Jun if he continued to remember his time in the bookshop.
Sho knew what was coming next in Jun’s timeline and he didn’t want to push the limit. So instead of continuing the memory, he put it off until the next day.
“Alright, it’s almost time. Are you sure you don’t remember anything else?” Sho asked once again. Jun face contorted as he tried his best to remember.
“Nothing. Sorry.”
Sho nodded in understanding. “I’m already amazed that you’ve come this far.” He commented. “If I’m right, you’ll be gone in a few minutes. Don’t forget this memory, okay?” Sho instructed him.
Jun’s face brightened at that. “I would never, now that it adds more time for us.” He smiled, holding a hand out and hovering over Sho’s own per usual.
No matter how crazy it sounded, there was already something brewing between them which made Sho’s dedication to find Jun burn even more.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sho’s mouth curved up into a smile as he blinked and Jun was gone.
--
Sho juggled between work meetings, Jun’s memories and coordinating with his landlord to search for Jun’s hospital. He also noticed that Jun had looked less translucent the moment his loop extended, prompting Sho to think that maybe memories remembered add to Jun’s days.
“Good evening, Aiba-san.” Sho greeted as he arrived that night after his usual rendezvous with Jun. Aiba gave him a bright smile.
“Ah, Sho-chan.” The landlord greeted, his dog doing the same by running towards him, wagging his tail. Sho scratched Rin-kun’s neck in acknowledgement. “I’ve managed to contact the ambulance that answered the emergency call for Matsumoto-san that day. We could probably start at the hospitals that their company are partnered with.” Aiba said.
Sho’s whole face lit up at the news. “I’m forever grateful for all your help on this, Aiba-san. You and Nino has helped so much.” He bowed in gratitude.
“Come on, enough of that. We want to help.” Aiba responded with a smile.
Sho didn’t really tell them the reason why he was doing his best trying to find the guy so he was grateful for their belief in him and for helping him with no questions asked. They were almost all in the same generation which was probably why they all understood each other easily.
He got the contact details from Aiba and began to think of how to contact the hospital and let him know if Jun was there. Hospitals were not keen in sharing private information to people unrelated to their patients-Sho was definitely not related to Jun, he didn’t even know him in real life. His worries may have shown on his face, thoughts broken by Aiba’s laugh. Sho looked up, confused.
“I think it might be better if I track him down. I gave my name and all the details to the rescue team so they should have a record of me.” Aiba explained. “They won’t tell you anything since you’re unrelated to his case.” He continued. “I have a lot of free time, allow me to help.”
Sho could run up and hug Aiba at the suggestion but knew it would be frowned upon so he just assaulted Aiba’s dog with excessive ear scratches.
“You are the best landlord, Aiba-san!” Sho laughed, “You have the best master, Rin-kun.” He spoke with the dog while Aiba just laughed.
--
“Would you bring me with you everywhere to just stand in your postcards once you find me?”
“I mean, we’ve already established your beauty, so yes.”
Sho had been trying to take photos of Jun with his camera for the past week, trying to capture even just a glimpse of him but to no avail, he was always not there. There was still no news of the hospital that he was in and Sho was refraining from having him remember the next sequence of events for fear that he would not be able to control the situation if he didn’t know where to go.
The little nook in the bookshop was right next to a row of windows and Sho could see clouds rolling in. Another gloomy night was upon them, it had been like this for the past few days. He looked at his watch, 6:36pm.
They sat in comfortable silence that was only broken when Jun asked a hard-hitting question.
“What would you do when I’m gone, Sho-san?”
His jaw tightened, not quite sure how to answer. He gravitated towards a lost soul which he, himself, knew never ended well. But Jun had already been a part of his daily life the moment he saw him in front of the restaurant two months ago. Sho couldn’t even imagine a day without Jun greeting him with a cheerful, “Sho-san!”.
He knew it was impossible, weird was an understatement for their situation. Sho was hoping for a miracle to happen-he wanted to see Jun in the flesh no matter what. The moon peeked through the rain clouds and shone bright upon them.
Sho took in the sight of Jun who seemed to shine again-seemed to exude the life that was not there. He could feel his lips tremble as he reached out with Jun watching him intently-a sad smile forming on his face as soon as he sees the beginning of tears pooling in Sho’s eyes.
Sho’s hand lingered on Jun’s cheek, the other man closing his eyes as if trying to feel a pulse beating in him. It felt like they were being played and Sho thought it unfair to find someone so good-so perfect-for him but be in this unimaginable situation.
“Bold of you to assume that I’d let you go.” Sho finally responded honestly. 6:43pm. “And don’t you dare try to let go too.” His voice wavered, eyes blurry as he tried to stop his tears.
Jun let out a soft chuckle and a sniffle. “Understood.”
And then he was gone again, leaving Sho to ponder on his own words and what it meant for them both. His thoughts were broken when his phone rang.
“Aiba-san?”
“Sho-chan, I found him.”
--
“Are you a friend of our Jun-kun?”
Sho could feel his eyes swimming with tears as he saw the man lying on the hospital bed. He would recognize that profile anywhere but the plump cheeks were gone, replaced with a bony structure. His nose almost seemed crooked but otherwise fine, his lower lip was covered with gauze while his upper lip had mending stitches.
Tubes were attached to different parts of him and the machine’s beeping matched Sho’s heartbeat. Matsumoto Jun was real but what he was seeing broke his heart in more ways than one. The Jun he knew had no idea that this was his current state, mangled and broken, but alive.
“Sho-chan.” Aiba repeated his name.
Sho snapped out of it as he bowed to Jun’s mother, biting his lip to keep it from trembling too much. “Sorry for being impolite, I’m Sakurai Sho.” He introduced himself, voice breaking as he did so. Sho cleared his throat.
Jun’s mother gave him a hearty smile, “Thank you for visiting. I know he would appreciate it.” She said, looking over at her son.
Sho studied Jun’s form, he was still beautiful but damaged. “How long has he been…?”
Jun’s mother’s eyes welled up with tears. “Ever since the accident. I’m forever indebted to Aiba-san for saving his life.” Aiba just shook his head in response, dismissing the gratitude. “But he hasn’t woken up since. He falters in and out of it everyday but I don’t want to give up on him.” She sniffled.
Sho wiped a tear away, Jun had been in a coma for 2 months-he was stuck in that loop enjoying everyday with him, not realizing that this was the extent of the damage done to him by a stupid drunk driver. They were quiet for a few moments before Jun’s mother spoke.
“The doctor said it was a miracle for him to still be alive.” His mother continued. “But I’d like to think he also doesn’t want to let go. And I don’t know if it’s just me but a few weeks after his accident, I’ve seen him move. Little by little.” She said.
Sho’s brows furrowed at that, sniffling as well. He cleared his throat again. “He moves?”
Jun’s mother nodded, “I thought it was just little movement jerks because of his nerves at first. But I noticed a pattern, he only moves at around 4:30pm before. Small movements but it was there, and then it would stop at exactly 4:40pm.”
Sho had to cover his lips to stop any sound from escaping them. Jun was a wandering consciousness and he was responsive to everything that they shared.
“Recently, it’s been happening again both at that time and when clock strikes 6pm. It’s like, he smiles.” Jun’s mother recounted, smiling to herself as well. “And that’s why we can’t let him go. I know he’s in there, he just needs to realize that himself.”
Sho sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes over and over again, realizing just how much he’s done for Jun and his family. His resolve strengthened that he would bring this man back and he will live his life-his beautiful life-like he deserved.
“I’ll step out for a bit.” His mother announced, standing up. “Please, talk to him.” She said and Sho almost chuckled at how familiar it sounded-like the first time Jun pleaded for someone to talk to. “I believe he listens.”
Aiba stood up as well, squeezing him on the shoulder before following Jun’s mother out the room. Sho stood up and sat by the hospital bed, studying Jun up and down.
“You bastard, how’d you end up like this?” Sho spoke, voice breaking. He could feel his lips quivering, tears forming in his eyes as he reached out and touched Jun’s fragile hand. Sho let his tears fall. “Don’t you dare let go, do you hear me?”
Sho raised a shaking hand to brush Jun’s hair away from his face. “I still need your beauty in my photos. So don’t give up, okay?” He said, gently touching Jun’s cheek, finally feeling flesh on flesh. “Give us a chance to see each other like this, MatsuJun.” He whispered, placing a soft kiss on Jun’s forehead.
Before they left, he asked for the contact details of Jun’s mother just in case, reasoning that he wanted to keep in touch for any updates about Jun. The smile that Jun’s mother gave him was enough for him to be reassured that she’ll keep in touch.
--
It had been a gloomy week, rain clouds rolled over their heads as Sho read the book quietly with Jun. He had not mentioned anything to him yet for fear that it will trigger something in Jun that will break the peace.
Sho just kept staring at him throughout the hour, not talking. This Jun was so very different from the one he saw the night before. It was ironic that the Jun in front of him breathed life while the one alive in the hospital was on the verge of death.
“Is there anything on my face, Sho-san?”
Sho blinked and shook his head, trying to snap out of it. “Nothing, sorry. I was just…”
“Admiring the view?” Jun chuckled. Sho sighed at that attempt to flirt-flirting with a ghost, he’s reached a new low.
“You really are an only child.” Sho rolled his eyes at him.
Sho watched as Jun pause at that comment and he mentally kicked himself in the groin-forgetting that he shouldn’t mention anything yet. Jun turned to him, a question on his face.
“Did you find something out that you’re not telling me?” Jun asked straightforwardly. Sho’s mouth twitched. “Look at you, hiding things from me. And here I thought you’d help me remember.” Jun raised an eyebrow at him.
“Sometimes, timing is important.” Sho honestly responded, albeit vaguely. “I just want to look at you like this for a while more.” He said.
And it worked, Jun beamed at him and nodded. “Fine, I trust your judgement and you know me well enough now to decide when’s the best time I should...”
Thunder rolled through the skies and both of them looked up. It’s been a while since it rained and every time it did, Sho would already be home, except that one time with Nino. He watched as droplets of rain slowly started to fall, enveloping them in a calm embrace.
The bookshop owner rounded the corner and smiled at Sho, obviously not seeing Jun. “Be careful on your way home tonight, Sakurai-san. I wouldn’t want another customer involved in an accident.”
Sho’s heart dropped as he watched the owner walk away, whistling as he closed some windows to avoid the rain from getting in. By his side, Jun sat unmoving, staring up at the dark sky and watching the pouring rain.
“MatsuJun?” 6:20pm.
Sho paled as he caught sight of Jun, slowly vanishing in front of his eyes. It was too early; this was out of the loop.
“No, no, no. Jun-kun, stay with me.” Sho panicked as he tried his best to talk him out of it. But he couldn’t touch him, couldn’t do anything to stop him from vanishing and Jun was just staring up at the sky. “No, please! Please, don’t do this!” Tears were already running down his face as he fumbled through his bag to grab his phone.
“Stay with me, please!”
The bookshop owner had run to him, asking what was wrong but Sho was so out of it that the only thing he was focused on was calling Jun’s mother. He watched as Jun’s figment slowly vanished in front of him. Hands trembling, he tried to keep his voice in control.
“Sakurai-san.” There was bubbling panic in her voice as well.
“Okaa-san, talk to him. Please, you have to talk to him.” Sho was openly crying now, running out the bookshop and into the rain, forgetting about the worried owner. “Hold his hand. Don’t allow him to let go.”
Sho could hear Jun’s mother crying and the hysterical beeping of the machines in the background. He could hear hospital staff rushing in as he himself rushed to the one place he knew was relevant.
“Okaa-san, please, please keep him alive.” He begged, wiping his tears away to look up and down the quiet street, drenched in the rain. “I’m begging you, please keep him alive.”
Sho knew that Jun had remembered. The darkness, the rain, the warning-he remembered and if he’ll stay alive in the hospital, this was where he’ll be next. The place where the accident happened. Sho waited, trembling from the cold or the panic, he wasn’t sure.
His phone was still in his ear as he listened to the commotion, hoping for a miracle to happen.
‘Don’t you dare try to let go.’ He pleaded to no one but himself. He can’t do anything for him anymore, from this point, everything depended on Jun’s will to live. His will to relive the pain and find his way back to himself.
Sho just hoped that sharing those moments with him made Jun want to continue living.
He was crying so hard and the rain was pouring angrily that he almost missed it. There, in the empty street, was a man riding a bicycle in the rain, shielding his head from becoming too drenched. Sho pocketed his phone, hands covering his lips as he watched everything unfold.
The car was swerving and the bicycle was unstable with one hand. Before he knew it, the car slammed directly towards it, crashing in a nearby hedge, bicycle gone with a man bleeding on the ground. He ran towards what he saw and kneeled down next to an unconscious Jun, tears streaming down his face.
It was horrid-terrible, but Jun decided to relive it. This was the last of Jun’s memories and Sho could not do anything more than just watch. He’d done his part; it was Jun’s turn to do his. Sho watched as he slowly vanished for the second time that night.
Sho sat there, unsure and afraid. ‘What would you do when I’m gone, Sho-san?’
“Don’t you fucking dare.” He spoke to himself, burying his face in his hands as he cried alone on the street.
--
Sho visited the hospital every day, making it a point to bring fresh flowers every time. Jun’s mother was glad for the company and had managed to treat Sho like her own son. It’s been three days since the incident but thankfully, Jun was in a stable condition.
Jun’s mother was grateful for Sho’s call which came before Jun had acted up, the doctors were successful in bringing him back just in time. Sho just dismissed the gratitude, knowing that it may have been his fault for not being careful.
It had been a waiting game, Sho waited at 3pm but Jun did not appear. He waited at 6pm but he wasn’t there as well. On the third day, Ohno had approached him with a worried look.
“He’s not here, isn’t he? I can’t feel him.” Ohno observed. Sho could only shake his head in sad confirmation. Ohno placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze. Though it didn’t escape Sho’s eyes when Ohno placed a hot cup of coffee by the counter.
‘He’d like that.’
He had busied himself with photography for the past few days, filling in the gaps that was left by Jun. Sho had scrolled through his photos, a lot of them were empty shots. Shots that he took of Jun though he knew he wouldn’t be there when he looked back on it. But his mind filled the empty space, remembering Jun’s smile and his expressions.
Exactly a week and two days after the incident, he received a call from Jun’s mother.
“Sakurai-san, I’m sorry for disturbing you.” She said. “But do you think you could drop by today?”
Of course, Sho confirmed. He only missed a day which was when he had to attend to something a few hours away from the city. Once he arrived, he saw Jun’s mother outside his hospital room. Sho’s heart dropped to the floor, worry filling his mind.
“Okaa-san, is everything okay?” Sho hurriedly asked, dropping all of his things on the seat next to her. Jun’s mother looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
“Sakurai-san, thank you.” She said, getting up and giving him a motherly hug. He let himself be ushered inside the hospital room, his heart pounding in his chest.
Sho heard the door click and his fight or flight instinct almost kicked in. He couldn’t do this; he wasn’t ready for this. He was hoping for a fucking miracle.
Until he heard a groan come from the other end of the room, followed by a quiet, “Ugh, I feel like I got hit by a damn car.”
Sho gaped at the man lying on the bed, studying the profile of his face and only just then realizing that his eyes were wide open and a smile was playing on his lips. He let out a shuddering gasp as he walked closer to the man he was so familiar with but at the same time, barely knew.
“That’s a fucked up thing to say. It’s not even funny.” Sho managed to reply in jest, earning him a soft chuckle from the latter. He could feel tears falling down his cheeks.
Sho watched as Jun tried his best to turn his head, his cheeks look plumper than the last time Sho had seen him. It’s like the life had returned in him, literally. Sho balled his hand into a fist to stop himself from touching the man’s face.
His tears overflowed when he saw Jun smile up at him and say,
“Sho-san.”
Sho covered his trembling lips as he started sobbing, biting his finger to stop himself from letting out embarrassing noises. He let himself slump down on the chair next to Jun’s bed, reaching out to finally touch his hand, placing his head on top of it.
“I’m so fucking tired of worrying over you.” Sho let out a deep sigh. He felt Jun’s fingers move and let him intertwine their hands together.
“Sorry.” Jun quietly said. “You’ve been through so much just because you talked to me that one time.” Sho chuckled at that. “But I don’t know where I’d be if you didn’t.” He continued, squeezing Sho’s hand in his. “Thank you, Sho-san.”
Sho sniffled, reeling in the feeling of finally touching Jun’s hand and feeling him respond.
“Promise me I’ll be the last ghost you’ll talk to.” Jun laughed quietly. “Wouldn’t want someone else to steal you away.”
Sho couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I promise as long as you promise to get better so you can be my muse. You owe me a lot of photos.” He stated.
“I guess I don’t have a choice.” Jun responded. “After all, we’ve already established how beautiful I am in your eyes.” He chuckled.
As he looked at the sparkle in Jun’s eyes, Sho have never been more certain that he will stay by this man’s side for a long time. He was almost afraid to blink for fear that he was still playing with time but as Jun caressed his hand with his thumb, he knew that this was finally real.
“MatsuJun.”
“Sho-san.”
Sho planted a soft kiss on his hand and on his forehead, like he did before. Jun accepted it with closed eyes. “Thank you for giving me a chance to see you like this. You’ve been through a lot too. So please, don’t ever let go, ok?”
Jun smiled and with a nod, he replied,
“Understood.”
--
I'm a bit proud of this one since it's a first for me in this kind of genre. Thank you so much for your time. ♥