Clouded Vision
Pairing: Juntoshi, Sakumoto, Ohmiya (implied)
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: G
Length: 2,290 words
Summary: Matsumoto's heart is in a complicated mess and he needs to open his eyes to get rid of his clouded vision.
A/N: Unbeta-ed as usual. Those pairings are a little complicated, right? But it's a short one, so...idk. You'll find out soon enough. Haha. Enjoy~ :)
**
There was a soft knock on the door; it was almost inaudible due to the pouring rain outside but he knew the sound so well that he immediately looked up from what he was doing and before he knew it, he was walking towards the door.
It was always like this and he’s gotten used to it. As he stood in front of the door, he could hear his voice of reason-that oddly sounded like Sho-in the back of his head, chastising him and saying ‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto-kun. He doesn’t love you.’
He steeled himself, ready to turn this man away because he made a promise to Sho that he would. That he wouldn’t allow this man to have power over him again. And he wanted to keep that promise because Sho had put his trust in him that he would.
He turned the knob, slowly opening the door. Standing there in the dark was someone very important and very dear to him, soaking wet from the rain outside.
“Jun-kun.”
In that broken voice, he said his name and all of Matsumoto’s resolve flew out the window. His heart broke for the man in front of him and just like that, he enveloped him in his arms again.
“You’re freezing, Ohno-san.” Matsumoto pointed out, making it a point to try to warm Ohno up by running his hands up and down his arms. “What happened?” He asked, carefully bringing Ohno inside his apartment.
He didn’t care if his floor got wet or if his couch got soaked in water, he made Ohno sit down and got him a towel. Matsumoto dried his hair while the other man just sat quietly, letting himself be pampered even for just a moment.
Matsumoto was surprised when Ohno reached a hand out to stop his hand from moving. With a trembling voice, Ohno said, “Thank you.”
He gave him a small smile, bringing their hands together and giving Ohno’s hand a little squeeze. “It’s fine, you know that you can always come to me anytime.” Matsumoto replied.
With those words, Ohno nodded and murmured another thank you, pulling his hands from Matsumoto’s grasp as he did so. Matsumoto just let him go as usual because he doesn’t even have the right to hold those hands. Not the way that he wanted.
“Do you want a cup of warm water?” Matsumoto asked, standing up to go to his small kitchen.
It took a few seconds of silence before Ohno answered his question. “Do you have beer? Can we drink?” He asked.
Matsumoto understood so he complied, getting out his stash of beer inside the fridge, placing it down on the table in front of the couch. Soon enough, they were both sprawled on the floor with Ohno having had one too many drinks but Matsumoto tried his best to stay sober, only drinking a couple of cans.
Ohno was telling a story that he’s heard too many times already. The story that he kept repeating when he’s drunk and he wanted to laugh his troubles away. When he began to get quiet, Matsumoto knew that he’ll be crying soon, as he always does.
“Okay,” Ohno started, breathing out while trying to stand up. “I’m going to use your bathroom for a bit, excuse me.” He slurred but he stumbled as he stood up. Matsumoto was there to catch him.
“Careful, Ohno-san.” Matsumoto held him in his arms for the second time that night, guiding him back onto the floor where he was safer.
Ohno chuckled at his own clumsiness and as they sat down, he gave Matsumoto a drunken stare, holding his face with both of his hands.
“Ohno-san, are you okay?” Matsumoto asked, his heart beating madly in his chest from their proximity but Ohno just chuckled once more, pinching his cheeks lightly.
“You pretty.” Ohno slurred and Matsumoto would have blushed and laughed at the grammar mistake but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was too curious as to what happened that made Ohno become like this in front of him again.
“What happened, Ohno-san?” Matsumoto tried to ask again, his hand going to Ohno’s face as well, tracing his jawline and caressing his cheek.
Ohno dropped his hands from holding Matsumoto’s face, staring at him with blank and hazy eyes. “Sometimes, I wish…” Ohno’s voice faded into nothing more than a breathy whisper.
Matsumoto couldn’t stop himself as his hands reached out to touch Ohno’s face, bringing their faces closer, seeing the other man’s eyes flutter shut before his did as well. He could feel Ohno’s light breath on his lips, the strong smell of alcohol surrounding him, and the anticipation was making his heart run wild. Until Ohno whispered,
“Nino…”
It was said in the softest and most emotional way but it sounded like a scream in his ears.
‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto-kun. He doesn’t love you.’
Matsumoto’s eyes shot wide open as he backed away from Ohno, hearing his voice of reason back in his head again. His sudden movement made the other man slowly open his eyes as well. Matsumoto pursed his lips as he took a deep and calming breath.
Everything was wrong.
Ohno looked at him drunkenly, a confused frown marring his features. “Wha-?” He slurred, his eyes drooping as he tried to stay awake, clearly out of his wits.
“I’m sorry, I-” Matsumoto faced the table with his back resting on the couch, a hand covering his lips. His eyes felt warm and sure enough, there were tears behind them. He looked up and blinked a few times, willing away his tears because he doesn’t want to cry. Not in front of Ohno.
He felt Ohno’s hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little. “Jun-kun?” Ohno started, making Matsumoto face him again.
Matsumoto took another deep breath; he should probably just say it. Say that he hated being the last resort whenever Ohno gets rejected by another man. Hated that Ohno’s so close but he can’t even hold him the way he wanted to. Hated that Ohno’s mind was still on that man even when he’s drunk like this.
Or maybe he should just ask a question because as much as he hated all those things, he doesn’t hate Ohno Satoshi.
“Ohno-san,” He started, lips still quivering. “do you lov-”
But his question got interrupted by the ringing of Ohno’s phone. Ohno lifted a finger to tell him to hold his question for a moment as he took the call. Upon answering, Ohno sat upright, clutching the phone with both hands.
Matsumoto watched as Ohno’s eyes went from angry to being filled with tears; he was always an easy crier when drunk. He watched as Ohno stood up, wobbly but much better than the last time he tried. He watched as Ohno smiled into the phone call saying, “Yeah, I’ll meet you there”. He watched as Ohno dropped the call and fixed himself, suddenly looking all better and sober.
“Sorry, Matsumoto-san,”
He cringed at the use of his last name. It was back to that again, back to being regular friends. He was ‘Matsumoto-san’ again because it was probably that guy, Nino, who was on the phone.
“But I need to go.” Ohno simply said, getting his bag and putting on his shoes. Before he knew it, Ohno was already by the door and he just stood there with him. Ohno turned back to him and gave him a hug. “Thank you for always cheering me up.”
Matsumoto could feel his tears again but he held it together and gave Ohno a smile. “Yeah.” He replied as Ohno let him go.
With that, Ohno took his leave to meet with the person he loved while Matsumoto stood there in the confines of his apartment. He heaved a breath and the tears fell because he knew that he failed again. It was always like this and he’s gotten used to it.
He trudged back towards his living room and slumped on the floor, finishing the remaining cans of beer. He was alone in his apartment again, not needed anymore apparently. Matsumoto hugged his knees as close to himself as possible, burying his face in between them as he cried quietly.
He was pathetic, he knew he was but he wasn’t angry at Ohno. He was more angry at himself and ashamed because it felt like he failed Sho again.
--
He was in this state when the doorbell rang the next morning. Matsumoto didn’t bother to get up and open the door because he was feeling stiff-whoever was on the other side would just have to come back next time when he’s feeling normal.
The door opened and he instantly knew who it was. He heard footsteps coming closer to him and the shuffling of a paper bag that came with the smell of breakfast.
“I knew it was this again when you didn’t answer your phone.”
Matsumoto felt the person sit next to him and lightly pat him on the head. He didn’t know what magical powers Sakurai Sho possessed to always be able to know when he needed company but he does and here he was again, with him when he needed someone the most.
Sho sighed loudly and exaggeratedly. “What did I tell you?” He said, continuing to pat Matsumoto lightly on the head.
“I kept hearing your voice, Sho-kun.” Matsumoto said in his hoarse voice. “I kept hearing you in my head telling me that he doesn’t love me.” He added.
“Well, it’s true. If he did, he wouldn’t have-” Sho stopped talking as Matsumoto finally lifted his head to properly look at him. Sho’s heart broke at the sight of Matsumoto and his reddened eyes. He clicked his tongue, annoyed, and roughly tugged him in for a hug. “Damn it, MatsuJun. You’re always so dumb.” He said.
Matsumoto let himself be hugged, feeling calm in the arms of his friend. “I’m angry because I didn’t keep my promise again. It's easier said than done.” He honestly said, sounding frustrated. “He always comes back, Sho-kun. I don’t-”
“Don’t think, even for one moment, that he loves you just because he keeps coming back.” Sho seriously said, pulling away from the hug. “He comes back because he knows you’ll always take him in.”
Matsumoto sighed. It was true, everything that Sho was telling him were all true and he knew it. “I’m weak, I know.” He said.
“Not weak, ‘stupid’ is more accurate.” Sho replied bluntly which jump started the violent side of Matsumoto, earning himself a hard shove that made him laugh.
“Then you’re stupid too.” Matsumoto suddenly said unthinkingly, rubbing his eyes as he opened the take-out food that Sho brought him. Then he stopped, realizing what he said during the last minute.
“Because I always take you back too?”
They had a no bullshit policy, the two of them, which was why they could be blunt with each other like this.
Being friends for as long as he can remember, they were always honest with each other and that included Sho confessing his love to Matsumoto a month ago to which he still hasn’t given a proper answer to.
Matsumoto cleared his throat. “Well, that and because you’re always putting up with my own stupidity.”
Sho shrugged, “I do what I like, just as you do. That’s why I understand you.” He replied simply. Then his tone did a complete 360 from playful to serious. “But do you remember what I said, Matsumoto-kun?”
Matsumoto looked up at Sho once more, their eyes meeting intensely. He nodded, not breaking their eye contact. “Word by word.”
‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto. He doesn’t love you. Open your eyes so you can clearly see who’s in front of you.’
“Can you see clearly now?” Sho asked, not needing to repeat his words because he knew that Matsumoto understood what he was asking.
Matsumoto stared at Sho like he was memorizing his face. If he said ‘yes’ then he would be lying but saying ‘no’ sounds wrong as well because he can’t imagine life without Sho-kun. He still had feelings for Ohno as proven with his actions the previous night but he was trying hard to move on.
“I’m still a little lost but I’m trying to open my eyes and find my way around.” He replied poetically which made Sho chuckle a little bit.
“You’re only lost if you’re alone,” Sho started, following Matsumoto’s lead in being poetic. “But really, you’re not alone, are you?” He ended with a proud smirk on his face as he reached out to hold Matsumoto’s hands.
“Yeah, definitely.” He said with a small smile, allowing Sho to intertwine their fingers together . He wanted to say sorry for taking too long to sort his feelings out but he knew Sho wouldn’t like him apologizing. So instead, he said, “Just…be patient.”
Sho winked at him, “I have all the time in the world because, believe it or not, I’m probably not going anywhere.” He grinned, keeping the conversation light.
Matsumoto smiled to himself, taking a bite from his breakfast as he listened to Sho yammer about what he was going to do for the day. He noticed that he still hasn’t let go of his hand and just that simple gesture made him feel calm.
He didn’t know when he’ll be able to fully reject Ohno but he’ll work hard for it because, as he realized, he was fine with letting Ohno go back to his Nino every time but he couldn’t imagine letting Sho-kun go for any reason.
It will take time for him to clearly see Sho and trust his feelings for him but he’ll get there eventually.
--
Honestly, it took me more time to think of a title and summary for this than the actual story. I tried not to hurt Nino again, so I put it all on Jun but I couldn't completely hurt him. My love is too much. LOL. I'd like to think that this one is more hopeful though. Sad but hopeful? I hope I achieved that feeling. I also tried hard not to make them hateful, it's a bit...complicated. Anyway, I have no backstory whatsoever about what Neen did to Oh-chan in this one so feel free to let your minds wander. Sigh...I don't know the point of all these things I'm writing, I guess I just really like writing sad ones, huh?
Anyway, I hope you liked it! :)
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: G
Length: 2,290 words
Summary: Matsumoto's heart is in a complicated mess and he needs to open his eyes to get rid of his clouded vision.
A/N: Unbeta-ed as usual. Those pairings are a little complicated, right? But it's a short one, so...idk. You'll find out soon enough. Haha. Enjoy~ :)
**
There was a soft knock on the door; it was almost inaudible due to the pouring rain outside but he knew the sound so well that he immediately looked up from what he was doing and before he knew it, he was walking towards the door.
It was always like this and he’s gotten used to it. As he stood in front of the door, he could hear his voice of reason-that oddly sounded like Sho-in the back of his head, chastising him and saying ‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto-kun. He doesn’t love you.’
He steeled himself, ready to turn this man away because he made a promise to Sho that he would. That he wouldn’t allow this man to have power over him again. And he wanted to keep that promise because Sho had put his trust in him that he would.
He turned the knob, slowly opening the door. Standing there in the dark was someone very important and very dear to him, soaking wet from the rain outside.
“Jun-kun.”
In that broken voice, he said his name and all of Matsumoto’s resolve flew out the window. His heart broke for the man in front of him and just like that, he enveloped him in his arms again.
“You’re freezing, Ohno-san.” Matsumoto pointed out, making it a point to try to warm Ohno up by running his hands up and down his arms. “What happened?” He asked, carefully bringing Ohno inside his apartment.
He didn’t care if his floor got wet or if his couch got soaked in water, he made Ohno sit down and got him a towel. Matsumoto dried his hair while the other man just sat quietly, letting himself be pampered even for just a moment.
Matsumoto was surprised when Ohno reached a hand out to stop his hand from moving. With a trembling voice, Ohno said, “Thank you.”
He gave him a small smile, bringing their hands together and giving Ohno’s hand a little squeeze. “It’s fine, you know that you can always come to me anytime.” Matsumoto replied.
With those words, Ohno nodded and murmured another thank you, pulling his hands from Matsumoto’s grasp as he did so. Matsumoto just let him go as usual because he doesn’t even have the right to hold those hands. Not the way that he wanted.
“Do you want a cup of warm water?” Matsumoto asked, standing up to go to his small kitchen.
It took a few seconds of silence before Ohno answered his question. “Do you have beer? Can we drink?” He asked.
Matsumoto understood so he complied, getting out his stash of beer inside the fridge, placing it down on the table in front of the couch. Soon enough, they were both sprawled on the floor with Ohno having had one too many drinks but Matsumoto tried his best to stay sober, only drinking a couple of cans.
Ohno was telling a story that he’s heard too many times already. The story that he kept repeating when he’s drunk and he wanted to laugh his troubles away. When he began to get quiet, Matsumoto knew that he’ll be crying soon, as he always does.
“Okay,” Ohno started, breathing out while trying to stand up. “I’m going to use your bathroom for a bit, excuse me.” He slurred but he stumbled as he stood up. Matsumoto was there to catch him.
“Careful, Ohno-san.” Matsumoto held him in his arms for the second time that night, guiding him back onto the floor where he was safer.
Ohno chuckled at his own clumsiness and as they sat down, he gave Matsumoto a drunken stare, holding his face with both of his hands.
“Ohno-san, are you okay?” Matsumoto asked, his heart beating madly in his chest from their proximity but Ohno just chuckled once more, pinching his cheeks lightly.
“You pretty.” Ohno slurred and Matsumoto would have blushed and laughed at the grammar mistake but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was too curious as to what happened that made Ohno become like this in front of him again.
“What happened, Ohno-san?” Matsumoto tried to ask again, his hand going to Ohno’s face as well, tracing his jawline and caressing his cheek.
Ohno dropped his hands from holding Matsumoto’s face, staring at him with blank and hazy eyes. “Sometimes, I wish…” Ohno’s voice faded into nothing more than a breathy whisper.
Matsumoto couldn’t stop himself as his hands reached out to touch Ohno’s face, bringing their faces closer, seeing the other man’s eyes flutter shut before his did as well. He could feel Ohno’s light breath on his lips, the strong smell of alcohol surrounding him, and the anticipation was making his heart run wild. Until Ohno whispered,
“Nino…”
It was said in the softest and most emotional way but it sounded like a scream in his ears.
‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto-kun. He doesn’t love you.’
Matsumoto’s eyes shot wide open as he backed away from Ohno, hearing his voice of reason back in his head again. His sudden movement made the other man slowly open his eyes as well. Matsumoto pursed his lips as he took a deep and calming breath.
Everything was wrong.
Ohno looked at him drunkenly, a confused frown marring his features. “Wha-?” He slurred, his eyes drooping as he tried to stay awake, clearly out of his wits.
“I’m sorry, I-” Matsumoto faced the table with his back resting on the couch, a hand covering his lips. His eyes felt warm and sure enough, there were tears behind them. He looked up and blinked a few times, willing away his tears because he doesn’t want to cry. Not in front of Ohno.
He felt Ohno’s hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little. “Jun-kun?” Ohno started, making Matsumoto face him again.
Matsumoto took another deep breath; he should probably just say it. Say that he hated being the last resort whenever Ohno gets rejected by another man. Hated that Ohno’s so close but he can’t even hold him the way he wanted to. Hated that Ohno’s mind was still on that man even when he’s drunk like this.
Or maybe he should just ask a question because as much as he hated all those things, he doesn’t hate Ohno Satoshi.
“Ohno-san,” He started, lips still quivering. “do you lov-”
But his question got interrupted by the ringing of Ohno’s phone. Ohno lifted a finger to tell him to hold his question for a moment as he took the call. Upon answering, Ohno sat upright, clutching the phone with both hands.
Matsumoto watched as Ohno’s eyes went from angry to being filled with tears; he was always an easy crier when drunk. He watched as Ohno stood up, wobbly but much better than the last time he tried. He watched as Ohno smiled into the phone call saying, “Yeah, I’ll meet you there”. He watched as Ohno dropped the call and fixed himself, suddenly looking all better and sober.
“Sorry, Matsumoto-san,”
He cringed at the use of his last name. It was back to that again, back to being regular friends. He was ‘Matsumoto-san’ again because it was probably that guy, Nino, who was on the phone.
“But I need to go.” Ohno simply said, getting his bag and putting on his shoes. Before he knew it, Ohno was already by the door and he just stood there with him. Ohno turned back to him and gave him a hug. “Thank you for always cheering me up.”
Matsumoto could feel his tears again but he held it together and gave Ohno a smile. “Yeah.” He replied as Ohno let him go.
With that, Ohno took his leave to meet with the person he loved while Matsumoto stood there in the confines of his apartment. He heaved a breath and the tears fell because he knew that he failed again. It was always like this and he’s gotten used to it.
He trudged back towards his living room and slumped on the floor, finishing the remaining cans of beer. He was alone in his apartment again, not needed anymore apparently. Matsumoto hugged his knees as close to himself as possible, burying his face in between them as he cried quietly.
He was pathetic, he knew he was but he wasn’t angry at Ohno. He was more angry at himself and ashamed because it felt like he failed Sho again.
--
He was in this state when the doorbell rang the next morning. Matsumoto didn’t bother to get up and open the door because he was feeling stiff-whoever was on the other side would just have to come back next time when he’s feeling normal.
The door opened and he instantly knew who it was. He heard footsteps coming closer to him and the shuffling of a paper bag that came with the smell of breakfast.
“I knew it was this again when you didn’t answer your phone.”
Matsumoto felt the person sit next to him and lightly pat him on the head. He didn’t know what magical powers Sakurai Sho possessed to always be able to know when he needed company but he does and here he was again, with him when he needed someone the most.
Sho sighed loudly and exaggeratedly. “What did I tell you?” He said, continuing to pat Matsumoto lightly on the head.
“I kept hearing your voice, Sho-kun.” Matsumoto said in his hoarse voice. “I kept hearing you in my head telling me that he doesn’t love me.” He added.
“Well, it’s true. If he did, he wouldn’t have-” Sho stopped talking as Matsumoto finally lifted his head to properly look at him. Sho’s heart broke at the sight of Matsumoto and his reddened eyes. He clicked his tongue, annoyed, and roughly tugged him in for a hug. “Damn it, MatsuJun. You’re always so dumb.” He said.
Matsumoto let himself be hugged, feeling calm in the arms of his friend. “I’m angry because I didn’t keep my promise again. It's easier said than done.” He honestly said, sounding frustrated. “He always comes back, Sho-kun. I don’t-”
“Don’t think, even for one moment, that he loves you just because he keeps coming back.” Sho seriously said, pulling away from the hug. “He comes back because he knows you’ll always take him in.”
Matsumoto sighed. It was true, everything that Sho was telling him were all true and he knew it. “I’m weak, I know.” He said.
“Not weak, ‘stupid’ is more accurate.” Sho replied bluntly which jump started the violent side of Matsumoto, earning himself a hard shove that made him laugh.
“Then you’re stupid too.” Matsumoto suddenly said unthinkingly, rubbing his eyes as he opened the take-out food that Sho brought him. Then he stopped, realizing what he said during the last minute.
“Because I always take you back too?”
They had a no bullshit policy, the two of them, which was why they could be blunt with each other like this.
Being friends for as long as he can remember, they were always honest with each other and that included Sho confessing his love to Matsumoto a month ago to which he still hasn’t given a proper answer to.
Matsumoto cleared his throat. “Well, that and because you’re always putting up with my own stupidity.”
Sho shrugged, “I do what I like, just as you do. That’s why I understand you.” He replied simply. Then his tone did a complete 360 from playful to serious. “But do you remember what I said, Matsumoto-kun?”
Matsumoto looked up at Sho once more, their eyes meeting intensely. He nodded, not breaking their eye contact. “Word by word.”
‘Open your eyes, Matsumoto. He doesn’t love you. Open your eyes so you can clearly see who’s in front of you.’
“Can you see clearly now?” Sho asked, not needing to repeat his words because he knew that Matsumoto understood what he was asking.
Matsumoto stared at Sho like he was memorizing his face. If he said ‘yes’ then he would be lying but saying ‘no’ sounds wrong as well because he can’t imagine life without Sho-kun. He still had feelings for Ohno as proven with his actions the previous night but he was trying hard to move on.
“I’m still a little lost but I’m trying to open my eyes and find my way around.” He replied poetically which made Sho chuckle a little bit.
“You’re only lost if you’re alone,” Sho started, following Matsumoto’s lead in being poetic. “But really, you’re not alone, are you?” He ended with a proud smirk on his face as he reached out to hold Matsumoto’s hands.
“Yeah, definitely.” He said with a small smile, allowing Sho to intertwine their fingers together . He wanted to say sorry for taking too long to sort his feelings out but he knew Sho wouldn’t like him apologizing. So instead, he said, “Just…be patient.”
Sho winked at him, “I have all the time in the world because, believe it or not, I’m probably not going anywhere.” He grinned, keeping the conversation light.
Matsumoto smiled to himself, taking a bite from his breakfast as he listened to Sho yammer about what he was going to do for the day. He noticed that he still hasn’t let go of his hand and just that simple gesture made him feel calm.
He didn’t know when he’ll be able to fully reject Ohno but he’ll work hard for it because, as he realized, he was fine with letting Ohno go back to his Nino every time but he couldn’t imagine letting Sho-kun go for any reason.
It will take time for him to clearly see Sho and trust his feelings for him but he’ll get there eventually.
--
Honestly, it took me more time to think of a title and summary for this than the actual story. I tried not to hurt Nino again, so I put it all on Jun but I couldn't completely hurt him. My love is too much. LOL. I'd like to think that this one is more hopeful though. Sad but hopeful? I hope I achieved that feeling. I also tried hard not to make them hateful, it's a bit...complicated. Anyway, I have no backstory whatsoever about what Neen did to Oh-chan in this one so feel free to let your minds wander. Sigh...I don't know the point of all these things I'm writing, I guess I just really like writing sad ones, huh?
Anyway, I hope you liked it! :)