(no subject)
So, I definitely had one of those humbling moments today where you feel as though no matter what you do your life will be entirely inconsequential, that you'll never actually do anything, and that when it's all over you'll either be the victim in a sad story who's life was tragically cut short, except no one misses the guy. I think that the problem may actually be me. There was a day of what I expected, and now I've fallen back into that funk. Maybe I'm avoiding the fact that I have no idea what is going on or, more importantly, how to deal with it. It just seems as though everything I loved one and two years ago is falling apart. But maybe that's how it always will be. Because somehow I have a feeling those years weren't as great as I'd like to believe they were. I've just forgotten the things that happened, the failures. Maybe the real problem is I need to stop thinking about this. It was pathetic last night how many (at least 3) page turns I missed last night because my mind was elsewhere. It's the same discussion we had with X3, if you look at it and pick out all the awful parts suddenly what was a very entertaining movie becomes something that had mediocre this and that and really wasn't that good. For writing seminar we were supposed to read analytically and not let anything wash over us. But isn't that we're supposed to do. We will always be able to find something wrong but if we aren't looking for it from a how do we improve this standpoint, it only lessens the experience. But for some reason, that's what I've been doing with my life. I'm ok at this, and not so great at that. Suddenly my life becomes a very depressing place when two days ago the possibilities were endless. So I realize I'm not a great writer and some of the things written here are repulsive at best, but it allows me to empty my head and let go of things and who knows, maybe someday I'll write something worth reading. Ultimately when this is all over, who do I answer to other than myself? So here we go again, starting the vicious cycle, I'm ok for now....