(no subject)
Ah mid-July. Everyone's favorite time of year, only not quite. I just returned from the frontier of Minnesota (ok so frontier is not the right word but who cares?) and I have found that everyone has seemingly fallen into a state of lamentation (ok so that was me just using that word for the first time since I've wanted to about 10 Good Fridays ago *In a pastoral voice* Now a deeper lament). But that seems to follow the same mood of mine. I feel like school just ended now that I'm finally getting the results of my work. I got my AP score today, I was quite happy. But on a bigger picture there's an entire life I'm sitting around waiting to leave behind and being with my family away from it all for the past week has really made me realize what exactly I'm leaving. I used to be ok with going. And I'm still excited about it. I'm sure my Maryland-er roommate will be quite enjoyable and my life for the next 6-8 months will be unbelievable. But it's so hard to leave something so comfortable. I finished my freshman reading for Cornell on the car ride home today. It's an interesting story and the ending comes out of nowhere but man it makes you think. What happens when everything good suddenly falls apart. Everything you share with anyone is gone, all you have left is to sift through the memories. Little things that you happen across that mean so much to you. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. When I'm 21 I'll look back on today and just laugh at my immaturity, just like at 18 I laugh at what I was when I was 16 and 16 at 13. I have at every age been the most knowledgeable person about life, or so I thought until I was older. Yet, it's a sad cycle I'm learning because Erik is doing the same things and making the same mistakes not yielding to any advice I try to give him, because he's not old enough to realize advice is something to be taken. Yet, when he does realize it, he'll still think that he's old enough for this and that. I think the best definition of maturity is that you can only be mature when you realize that you will always have a new lesson to learn. But I guess for now, I'll split my room in two. Stuff for my future, and stuff from my past. According to society, the present is useless, everyone's looking for tomorrow and reminiscing of yesterday. Oh well, some day maybe I'll learn to live life a little lower in the sky. Life is never exactly the way you dream and the words you want to say never leave your lips. But, somehow we make it from one day to the next, even if the anticipation is too much to bear. Am I lamenting? Maybe. I'd like to believe I'm savoring the past and keeping as much as I can with me....
"Reasons are like seasons
They constantly change."
"Reasons are like seasons
They constantly change."