Odd.
It's funny, but up until the moment where I typed that in, I had no idea what my password is - things just come instinctively at one part.
Well, inspired by a LJ comment from Nikki (I miss you so much!) I thought I'd start writing again. We'll see how long this lasts, with the growing HSC demon...already consuming too much of my time, sleeping hours and thoughts. There's so much to catch up on since the 13th of Feb...so much has happened and at the same time nothing.
School is driving me insane. There is so much pressure, stress and all of it unnecessary - and as I fear, created by us, the students. Its bananas. Seriously. I find myself staying up till ungodly hours of the night, writing notes that have no meaning to me what so ever - and why - because if i don't I won't answer a question in class, i won't pass the exam, my assignment iwll be bad, i'll fail the HSC, i'll get a bad UAI, i won't have a good job, I'll die cold and alone, in my own stinking filth...and why? because i spent one hour less on notes than I should have!! It's a paranoia induced by fear, like all other paranoias I suppose.
Today was a pretty fun day, I ended up going into the city with Hobo and Kim (Lisa was going to meet up with us but unfortunately didn't get out of her appt until later than planned, and Mel was sick)we had a great time! Just wondering around our city...thinking about how beautiful it (and the attractive young business men) are.
I can't believe we're almost half way through our holidays, and I have done so little work. I have done nothing! I've written some notes from physics, but none of it has penetrated my skull....oh woe is me.
On top of that, the other day I went and met up with Jason for coffee - and he showed me his script for drama and it is awesome. Totally mind blowing. Makes mine look like a childs play. I totally feel dumb - and you know how much I hate that! So have to reconsider that.
Ext 2 piece is going okay....getting there.
Am going up to grandma's tomorrow so that should be fun. Good escape from Sin city. I've decided to take all the subjects i can write notes for and leave my drama and ext 2 projects alone for a bit....oh i hate school! I think I should drop out and become a prostitute (Bragg thinks this is a good idea)...or a street performer!
Hmm..what else is there to note? Year twelve has really been an eye-opener for me in retrospect. You realise things about people you were too blinded by your youth to see earlier. It changes things, thats for sure. Thankfully, I think it's changed me for the better. I don't open myself up to be ridiculed as often as I did previously - it's made me a bit more paranoid about who I let get close to me, but I think I'm a better person for it. I was too easily hurt before..but now I've seen how some people can be, I know who my true friends are - omg, i'm sounding like a cliche - I suppose what I'm trying to say is year twelve has really confronted me with who people are and can be, and I appreciate my biatches more so for all the support they give me. I love 'em so much. [except you Kim - you have your own love now....hahah Kim's got herself a man!! well I think she does - he's practically yours!]
Anyway, there's not much else to mention here...except Tom is annoying me :P that boy is very confusing. I am under the impression the aforementioned statement he made early on this year was a joke. I think I managed to convince Kim into believing it was too. I refuse to believe something like that could be said, and nothing done.
Things with Matthew have gone completely phooey since last I posted, we're nothing now - we don't talk when we meet, and again, I think I am the better for it. I do occasionally, get a feeling of sympathy for him - and Kim and Hobo think that i was a bit bitchy, but Mel understands. I think it's cause they didn't actually talk to him, and therefore, didn't realise how arrogant and patronising he actually was. I do wonder about him sometimes, and regret things I said, when I should have kept my mouth closed.
I've been regretting a LOT lately. Just thining about how different my life would have been if things happened differently. If i hadn't been so stubborn...and set in ways...and caring about what other people thought - how different my life would have been!
That's about all for tonight, as it is 12.38 am and I am not packed for the trip I will shortly (in about 6hrs) be embarking on.
I hope you are all well, I have missed you dearly.
~Claire
Well, inspired by a LJ comment from Nikki (I miss you so much!) I thought I'd start writing again. We'll see how long this lasts, with the growing HSC demon...already consuming too much of my time, sleeping hours and thoughts. There's so much to catch up on since the 13th of Feb...so much has happened and at the same time nothing.
School is driving me insane. There is so much pressure, stress and all of it unnecessary - and as I fear, created by us, the students. Its bananas. Seriously. I find myself staying up till ungodly hours of the night, writing notes that have no meaning to me what so ever - and why - because if i don't I won't answer a question in class, i won't pass the exam, my assignment iwll be bad, i'll fail the HSC, i'll get a bad UAI, i won't have a good job, I'll die cold and alone, in my own stinking filth...and why? because i spent one hour less on notes than I should have!! It's a paranoia induced by fear, like all other paranoias I suppose.
Today was a pretty fun day, I ended up going into the city with Hobo and Kim (Lisa was going to meet up with us but unfortunately didn't get out of her appt until later than planned, and Mel was sick)we had a great time! Just wondering around our city...thinking about how beautiful it (and the attractive young business men) are.
I can't believe we're almost half way through our holidays, and I have done so little work. I have done nothing! I've written some notes from physics, but none of it has penetrated my skull....oh woe is me.
On top of that, the other day I went and met up with Jason for coffee - and he showed me his script for drama and it is awesome. Totally mind blowing. Makes mine look like a childs play. I totally feel dumb - and you know how much I hate that! So have to reconsider that.
Ext 2 piece is going okay....getting there.
Am going up to grandma's tomorrow so that should be fun. Good escape from Sin city. I've decided to take all the subjects i can write notes for and leave my drama and ext 2 projects alone for a bit....oh i hate school! I think I should drop out and become a prostitute (Bragg thinks this is a good idea)...or a street performer!
Hmm..what else is there to note? Year twelve has really been an eye-opener for me in retrospect. You realise things about people you were too blinded by your youth to see earlier. It changes things, thats for sure. Thankfully, I think it's changed me for the better. I don't open myself up to be ridiculed as often as I did previously - it's made me a bit more paranoid about who I let get close to me, but I think I'm a better person for it. I was too easily hurt before..but now I've seen how some people can be, I know who my true friends are - omg, i'm sounding like a cliche - I suppose what I'm trying to say is year twelve has really confronted me with who people are and can be, and I appreciate my biatches more so for all the support they give me. I love 'em so much. [except you Kim - you have your own love now....hahah Kim's got herself a man!! well I think she does - he's practically yours!]
Anyway, there's not much else to mention here...except Tom is annoying me :P that boy is very confusing. I am under the impression the aforementioned statement he made early on this year was a joke. I think I managed to convince Kim into believing it was too. I refuse to believe something like that could be said, and nothing done.
Things with Matthew have gone completely phooey since last I posted, we're nothing now - we don't talk when we meet, and again, I think I am the better for it. I do occasionally, get a feeling of sympathy for him - and Kim and Hobo think that i was a bit bitchy, but Mel understands. I think it's cause they didn't actually talk to him, and therefore, didn't realise how arrogant and patronising he actually was. I do wonder about him sometimes, and regret things I said, when I should have kept my mouth closed.
I've been regretting a LOT lately. Just thining about how different my life would have been if things happened differently. If i hadn't been so stubborn...and set in ways...and caring about what other people thought - how different my life would have been!
That's about all for tonight, as it is 12.38 am and I am not packed for the trip I will shortly (in about 6hrs) be embarking on.
I hope you are all well, I have missed you dearly.
~Claire