Fic: The Ultimate Bottle Episode (2/3)
Title: The Ultimate Bottle Episode (2/3)
Author: supercapo
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Basic Sandwich AU where the group gets trapped in Borcharts bunker and have to deal with the fallout in a closed confined space.
Of course, Annie proved to be right, even though she had hoped to God that she wouldn't be. But two days in and there was still no sign that they would be getting out any time soon. Borchart reported that the earliest they would be getting Rochelle up and running again would be two months. They all tried to impress upon him how important it was that they escape, each trying to convince him to simply try to bypass the door control instead of working on his beloved machine but he would have none of it.
And so they started settling into what Annie might imagine to be her particular version of Hell.
In the bunker, it didn't matter what her reading to comprehension ratio was. It didn't matter if she could dust for prints or quote theoretical physics. Most of the skills she'd acquired over the course of her college career amounted to nothing.
And of course there was the almost overwhelming knowledge that they'd failed to save Greendale that hung over virtually every conversation and nearly every stray thought. For five years Greendale had been Annie's home, she'd sacrificed for it, not just this year as part of the committee, but also since her very first year. She'd left Vaughn because she realized it was where she belonged. Now it was gone.
Now the only way she would ever see the Study Room again was if she dedicated her life to the art of five dollar footlongs, which compared to her drug peddling career almost looked good. Greendale had always been there for her but she'd failed it.
On top of it all, the crowning the indignity of the crap sundae that was her life... There was Jeff and Britta.
Yes, Annie. meant every word of her speech before they were trapped and everything it entailed. She would support Jeff and Britta's ridiculous union and move on from a man that she'd uselessly invested her feelings into for nearly four years. That didn't mean she liked hearing them bicker over every small detail or the gross schmoopiness they got into when they would get depressed about their situation.
She could accept these things on a psychological level, but that didn't stop her from feeling alone whenever Jeff and Britta held hands or kissed right in front of everyone.
Borchart only made it all worse. He would sing love songs to Rochelle. He would recite poems from famous authors about being separated from your love and he'd go out of his way give his own speeches on how love led the way. Even for Annie they were nauseating. And they only madeher hate every second she was forced to be in that small bunker and watch the "Jeffy loves Britta show".
It was like Ground Hog's day for her if that day was the first day of their Anthropology class a few years ago.
And the weirdest, most disturbing thing about the whole freakshow her life had become, was the fact that the person that empathized with her the very most was the Dean. Abed was her closest friend in the bunker, but he formed a somewhat peculiar partnership with Borchart. The two of them spent most their time working on Rochelle together while Abed probed the man for answers about how he gave emotional comprehension to a computer.
So when Jeff and Britta argued over whether they'd have a dog or a cat and what the name of the dog or cat would be, and Annie just wanted vomit in the bathroom... The Dean would sometimes appear and just say things like "I know Annie... I know."
At that point she wasn't sure if she hated herself more for even caring or the fact that she was also being comforted by the Dean.
It was during one of these instances, when Jeff and Britta were arguing with each other about who was more eager to have their credit checked as a necessary step of moving on with their life once they finally got out that something happened to change the depressing monotony.
Abed was the one that somehow heard it. A faint knocking on the wall where the work station connected to the door stood. Jeff and Britta ignored it and went on declaring how much they cared about each other through scowling faces until the knocking happened again and Abed shooshed them.
"Don't you guys hear that knocking?" he said.
"It's probably just some pipes rattling," Jeff said.
The knocking happened again as if to deny Jeff's claim.
"That doesn't sound like random knocks to me," Annie said. "It almost sounds like-"
"That's Morse code Borchart said
"He's right," Abed said then looked to Annie as the others gathered around. "I need a pen and paper."
"You know Morse code?" Britta said. "Since when?"
"Do have to ask?" Jeff said. "Jonny Five probably scrolled through the entirety of Wikipedia in search of more input."
"I think you mean he's Hadji," Britta said.
"That's Jonny Quest you knob!" Jeff said "I'm talking about the robot from-"
"You guys!" Annie cut him off as she handed Abed the pen and paper. "Bigger fish!"
"I've known Morse code since March 11, 2011," Abed shrugged, placing his ear against the wall. " And Jeff's not entirely wrong. There was a lightning storm and our apartment's power went out for a couple of hours while I was in the middle of a T.J. Hooker marathon. I didn't have anything better to do so I learned Morse code and Braille."
Britta fired her sour face at Jeff, who smirked triumphantly. Annie rolled her eyes
"Hold on," Abed started scribbling on the note pad. "It's Morse code alright... It... It's Hickey! He's on the other side trying to communicate!"
All of them cheered and gathered closer. Annie found herself so excited at the prospect of leaving that she didn't even notice how Jeff was squeezed up against her rather than Britta. Though Jeff seemed to take note of the Dean clapping his body against his.
"Abed," Jeff said. "Tell Hickey how to open the door before I have to grab one of our pillows to smother the Dean with."
"I hardly think that's an appropriate thing for an engaged man to do Jeffrey," the Dean said. "Not unless Britta's into it too."
Abed ignored them and proceeded to knock on the door in carefully timed patterns. Finally, he finished the message and everyone huddled together, waiting for the secret door to open and free them. And they waited, and they waited, and they waited. Annie was just about to ask Abed if he sent the message right when Hickey responded with a new set of knocks.
Abed jotted them down and then ran his eyes over the message for a couple of seconds before his face fell. Annie felt a knot twist in her stomach, it had to be really bad for Abed to show facial expressions.
"He can't get the door open," Abed said quietly. "The juke box is burnt out or something."
For a long, heavy moment nobody said anything and as the seconds ticked by, it felt like the same insanity that had consumed them during the first moments of their captivity hovered in the air; threatening to consume them.
"There... There has to be something they can do," Jeff said, call the police or the fire department or something."
Abed shook his head. "The sale to Subway went through, they've already tried going to the authorities but apparently everybody has been making Harry Potter jokes whenever they try to tell them about the Chamber of Secrets that we're trapped in."
"Hairy what?" Borchart said.
"But Hickey's here," Annie said. "If he can get here he can bring others."
"It's going to be really hard," Abed said. "He and Shirley were only able to get down here by disguising themselves as Nerd Herders here to do some maintenance. There's no telling when they might be able get down here again."
"Abed," Britta grabbed his shoulders. "You need to talk to him again, let him know how serious it is down here. I've been discussing paying off my mortgage and I don't even own a house yet!"
Abed nodded and got to work relaying the message. Annie pulled away from the group, knowing full well how this would turn out. She'd been with this group enough to know that the minute they started getting that desperate lilt in their voices and making demands o f Abed... It was over.
Her eyes trailed back the group, hoping that maybe Jeff would break away and give her some sort of Winger speech to buck up but he remained there, crowding Abed for answers just like the rest of them. Annie sighed and shook her head feeling her heart sink as the others reacted to what ever Abed revealed. Slowly she glanced about the room and had to stop herself from wondering if they'd ever get out.
The group eventually bled away from the wall, each wearing various expressions of dismay. Even Abed had his brows furrowed. The Dean looked to be on the verge of crying, and Jeff and Britta had their hands locked tight.
"We could be in here forever," Britta muttered.
"Two years according to Annie's ration schedule," Abed said.
"And even if we get out... It will be to a sandwich university," the Dean said.
"But now we know for sure," Jeff said. "Greendale is gone for good."
"We don't know that," Abed said. "Hickey did say that Shirley had a crazy plan."
"Oh! A crazy plan! And don't you think it says something about how likely it is to succeed that Hickey took the time to spell out 'crazy' in fricken Morse code?" Jeff said. "Look guys, it's time to face reality. We tried going on the silly adventure to save the Looney bin we were in and our reward was to be trapped in a bunker for the next couple of years, all the while Starburns becomes Sandwichvictorian."
"Jeff I think it's best that we hold onto the idea that we can get out soon," Abed said. "Because this already has all the hallmarks of a bottle episode and unlike the last one, there isn't a Puppy Parade waiting for us outside."
"There's nothing for us outside," Britta said. "Jeff's right, it's time to cut our losses."
"Yes," Jeff said and pulled Britta into his arms. "And the best way to cut our losses is to say... I do. Maybe the Dean could perfo-"
A scream nearly loud enough to bring the walls down around them fired out and cut Jeff's speech off and Annie didn't realize it came from her until she had a wrench in her hand and was carving into the drywall by the entrance. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she hadn't felt this frenzied since her Adderall days.
But she didn't care. Not at this point, not after two days of all of... All of this!
"You listen to me!!" she roared at Jeff or maybe nobody in particular as she attacked the wall. "We are not staying here until Shirley and Hickey get us out ! We are not staying here until we run out of food! We are not even staying here until the swat team breaks the doors down! We are getting out of here as soon as we can! Even if we have to chip away at the freaking metal and concrete with our bare hands until our fingers bleed! We are getting out of this bunker!"
"Annie calm down," Jeff said.
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down Jeff Winger! We're stuck down here because we trusted you to activate the thought machine with your goddamned nipple play!"
"What!?"
"Oh come on Jeff! Why else would you have us all look away? You didn't want us to know that you're just as weird and perverse as the nutty professor over there! If we'd put the device on literally anyone else we would be out of here and saved it!"
"How did you even know I'm into..." Jeff started but then looked to Britta who looked to Abed, who had his eyes wide open as he tried to figure out an appropriate facial expression. "... Nevermind, it doesn't matter! I wasn't rubbing my nipples! And I would have had that door open if the power hadn't gone out!"
"Would you now?" Annie threw the wrench down and stalked over to him. "And how was that? Were you thinking really really powerful thoughts about scotch or your cell phone? Because that's why it didn't work, we put our fate in the hands of our group's least passionate member next to Abed. No offense Abed."
"None taken."
"Least passionate?" Jeff said. "At least I'm not the one that got so over passionate that I encouraged a teacher to attack wall with a pick axe and got Duncan electrocuted."
"At least I was doing something!"
"You mean like attacking the wall with a wrench?" Britta said. "Annie, as a virtually licensed psychologists, I think it would be good for you to acknowledge that letting go of Greendale is the next big step in growing up into the true woman you were meant to be."
"And that would mean something Britta," Annie said. "If you weren't using leaving Greendale as an excuse to be an unbelievable hypocrite."
"I beg your pardon!?" Britta pulled away from Jeff and stalked over to Annie. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Now ladies," the Dean stepped in between them. "I think this is getting a little heated."
Both Britta and Annie shoved him aside in perfect unison.
"Well Annie, how am I a hypocrite?"
"Let me answer that question with another question?" Annie didn't break eye contact. "How many rants on feminism have you made me sit through?"
"I..."
"How many times do you think you told me to be true to myself and not define myself by a man? Hell, how many times have you flat out accused me of selling out our entire gender just because I didn't conform to your ideals."
"This is entirely irrelevant..."
"For nearly five years I've always thought, that in spite of your many, many flaws you were like a big sister role model because you were always independent and true to yourself. Even to your own detriment, but as it turns out it's all a sham!" Annie said "Because the moment your sense of security was threatened you mutated into this quiet cloying codependent wasp who attached herself to the first penis that offered her a sense of belonging and a 401K! That's right! I said the 'P' word. That's how real things have gotten!"
"Well you're just jealous," Britta said, but her voice wavered, then she glanced at the remains of Rochelle and seemed to remember what waited for them outside. "If he'd made you the same offer we both know you would have done the exact same thing I did."
"Maybe!" Annie said. "But me running away in a fit of romance with someone I used to like isn't a betrayal of everything I claimed to stand for. God you're unbelievable! You're probably going to serve veal at the reception!"
Britta gasped and for a moment even looked like she might break out into an all out catfight. One that the Dean clearly wouldn't be able to stop. Annie glared into her friend's eyes, ready to dish out as good as she got. But there was the faintest quiver in the older woman's eyes. And suddenly Annie felt a twinge of regret welling up.
"Even if I have..." Annie said, and her voice softened. "Even if I used to have feelings for Jeff, it doesn't change the fact that you sold out your principles because you were scared. I don't recognize this version of you Britta, this isn't the woman that helped teach me to stand up for myself. It's just sad to see what you've done to ignore reality."
"Oh, so now you want reality..." Jeff stepped up behind Britta and put his arm around her, only to have her slip away quietly and stand next to Abed. Jeff watched for half a moment before refocusing on Annie. "... Now that we're stuck below ground in a bunker you want reality and not when we could have just moved on with our lives on the surface."
"I'm the only one in this conversation living in reality Jeff. I'm not the one that's using a wedding to ignore my sense of loss and helplessness because you're afraid of any real emotions you might actually have. All so you could prove to yourself that Greendale doesn't matter to you, that we don't matter to you."
"No, you're wrong!" Jeff entire frame shook with each breath as he towered over Annie. "If I've proven anything over these last five years it's that I do care! I do!"
"We did have to drag you down here kicking and screaming," Abed said.
"You were making Goonies references Abed!"
"And any is right that your nipple play didn't get the door open," the Dean said.
"For the last time , I wasn't playing with my nipples!" Jeff through his hands in the air. "And again, I would have gotten the calm door open if it wasn't for the power going out!"
"I guess we'll have to take your word for it," Annie said. "Whatever that's worth."
"Annie, I'm serious, I would have gotten it open!"
"Yeah how?"
"I just would have!"
"Right Jeff keep telling yourself that, this is only the third time you've btried to marry Britta in order to not have to deal with your insecurities. If you can't even figure out a real reason to marry someone, what could possibly inspire real emotion from you enough to open the door?"
"You! Okay! I would have gotten it open because I was thinking of you!"
Half a second after the words left his mouth, Jeff's brain caught up with the conversation. The room sat in stunned silence as Jeff looked from Annie to Britta and back. He opened his mouth like he was trying to come up with a speech but nothing happened and Annie felt her heart racing.
"A last minute plot twist," Abed said.
"Shut up Abed," both Jeff and Annie muttered.
Author: supercapo
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Basic Sandwich AU where the group gets trapped in Borcharts bunker and have to deal with the fallout in a closed confined space.
Of course, Annie proved to be right, even though she had hoped to God that she wouldn't be. But two days in and there was still no sign that they would be getting out any time soon. Borchart reported that the earliest they would be getting Rochelle up and running again would be two months. They all tried to impress upon him how important it was that they escape, each trying to convince him to simply try to bypass the door control instead of working on his beloved machine but he would have none of it.
And so they started settling into what Annie might imagine to be her particular version of Hell.
In the bunker, it didn't matter what her reading to comprehension ratio was. It didn't matter if she could dust for prints or quote theoretical physics. Most of the skills she'd acquired over the course of her college career amounted to nothing.
And of course there was the almost overwhelming knowledge that they'd failed to save Greendale that hung over virtually every conversation and nearly every stray thought. For five years Greendale had been Annie's home, she'd sacrificed for it, not just this year as part of the committee, but also since her very first year. She'd left Vaughn because she realized it was where she belonged. Now it was gone.
Now the only way she would ever see the Study Room again was if she dedicated her life to the art of five dollar footlongs, which compared to her drug peddling career almost looked good. Greendale had always been there for her but she'd failed it.
On top of it all, the crowning the indignity of the crap sundae that was her life... There was Jeff and Britta.
Yes, Annie. meant every word of her speech before they were trapped and everything it entailed. She would support Jeff and Britta's ridiculous union and move on from a man that she'd uselessly invested her feelings into for nearly four years. That didn't mean she liked hearing them bicker over every small detail or the gross schmoopiness they got into when they would get depressed about their situation.
She could accept these things on a psychological level, but that didn't stop her from feeling alone whenever Jeff and Britta held hands or kissed right in front of everyone.
Borchart only made it all worse. He would sing love songs to Rochelle. He would recite poems from famous authors about being separated from your love and he'd go out of his way give his own speeches on how love led the way. Even for Annie they were nauseating. And they only madeher hate every second she was forced to be in that small bunker and watch the "Jeffy loves Britta show".
It was like Ground Hog's day for her if that day was the first day of their Anthropology class a few years ago.
And the weirdest, most disturbing thing about the whole freakshow her life had become, was the fact that the person that empathized with her the very most was the Dean. Abed was her closest friend in the bunker, but he formed a somewhat peculiar partnership with Borchart. The two of them spent most their time working on Rochelle together while Abed probed the man for answers about how he gave emotional comprehension to a computer.
So when Jeff and Britta argued over whether they'd have a dog or a cat and what the name of the dog or cat would be, and Annie just wanted vomit in the bathroom... The Dean would sometimes appear and just say things like "I know Annie... I know."
At that point she wasn't sure if she hated herself more for even caring or the fact that she was also being comforted by the Dean.
It was during one of these instances, when Jeff and Britta were arguing with each other about who was more eager to have their credit checked as a necessary step of moving on with their life once they finally got out that something happened to change the depressing monotony.
Abed was the one that somehow heard it. A faint knocking on the wall where the work station connected to the door stood. Jeff and Britta ignored it and went on declaring how much they cared about each other through scowling faces until the knocking happened again and Abed shooshed them.
"Don't you guys hear that knocking?" he said.
"It's probably just some pipes rattling," Jeff said.
The knocking happened again as if to deny Jeff's claim.
"That doesn't sound like random knocks to me," Annie said. "It almost sounds like-"
"That's Morse code Borchart said
"He's right," Abed said then looked to Annie as the others gathered around. "I need a pen and paper."
"You know Morse code?" Britta said. "Since when?"
"Do have to ask?" Jeff said. "Jonny Five probably scrolled through the entirety of Wikipedia in search of more input."
"I think you mean he's Hadji," Britta said.
"That's Jonny Quest you knob!" Jeff said "I'm talking about the robot from-"
"You guys!" Annie cut him off as she handed Abed the pen and paper. "Bigger fish!"
"I've known Morse code since March 11, 2011," Abed shrugged, placing his ear against the wall. " And Jeff's not entirely wrong. There was a lightning storm and our apartment's power went out for a couple of hours while I was in the middle of a T.J. Hooker marathon. I didn't have anything better to do so I learned Morse code and Braille."
Britta fired her sour face at Jeff, who smirked triumphantly. Annie rolled her eyes
"Hold on," Abed started scribbling on the note pad. "It's Morse code alright... It... It's Hickey! He's on the other side trying to communicate!"
All of them cheered and gathered closer. Annie found herself so excited at the prospect of leaving that she didn't even notice how Jeff was squeezed up against her rather than Britta. Though Jeff seemed to take note of the Dean clapping his body against his.
"Abed," Jeff said. "Tell Hickey how to open the door before I have to grab one of our pillows to smother the Dean with."
"I hardly think that's an appropriate thing for an engaged man to do Jeffrey," the Dean said. "Not unless Britta's into it too."
Abed ignored them and proceeded to knock on the door in carefully timed patterns. Finally, he finished the message and everyone huddled together, waiting for the secret door to open and free them. And they waited, and they waited, and they waited. Annie was just about to ask Abed if he sent the message right when Hickey responded with a new set of knocks.
Abed jotted them down and then ran his eyes over the message for a couple of seconds before his face fell. Annie felt a knot twist in her stomach, it had to be really bad for Abed to show facial expressions.
"He can't get the door open," Abed said quietly. "The juke box is burnt out or something."
For a long, heavy moment nobody said anything and as the seconds ticked by, it felt like the same insanity that had consumed them during the first moments of their captivity hovered in the air; threatening to consume them.
"There... There has to be something they can do," Jeff said, call the police or the fire department or something."
Abed shook his head. "The sale to Subway went through, they've already tried going to the authorities but apparently everybody has been making Harry Potter jokes whenever they try to tell them about the Chamber of Secrets that we're trapped in."
"Hairy what?" Borchart said.
"But Hickey's here," Annie said. "If he can get here he can bring others."
"It's going to be really hard," Abed said. "He and Shirley were only able to get down here by disguising themselves as Nerd Herders here to do some maintenance. There's no telling when they might be able get down here again."
"Abed," Britta grabbed his shoulders. "You need to talk to him again, let him know how serious it is down here. I've been discussing paying off my mortgage and I don't even own a house yet!"
Abed nodded and got to work relaying the message. Annie pulled away from the group, knowing full well how this would turn out. She'd been with this group enough to know that the minute they started getting that desperate lilt in their voices and making demands o f Abed... It was over.
Her eyes trailed back the group, hoping that maybe Jeff would break away and give her some sort of Winger speech to buck up but he remained there, crowding Abed for answers just like the rest of them. Annie sighed and shook her head feeling her heart sink as the others reacted to what ever Abed revealed. Slowly she glanced about the room and had to stop herself from wondering if they'd ever get out.
The group eventually bled away from the wall, each wearing various expressions of dismay. Even Abed had his brows furrowed. The Dean looked to be on the verge of crying, and Jeff and Britta had their hands locked tight.
"We could be in here forever," Britta muttered.
"Two years according to Annie's ration schedule," Abed said.
"And even if we get out... It will be to a sandwich university," the Dean said.
"But now we know for sure," Jeff said. "Greendale is gone for good."
"We don't know that," Abed said. "Hickey did say that Shirley had a crazy plan."
"Oh! A crazy plan! And don't you think it says something about how likely it is to succeed that Hickey took the time to spell out 'crazy' in fricken Morse code?" Jeff said. "Look guys, it's time to face reality. We tried going on the silly adventure to save the Looney bin we were in and our reward was to be trapped in a bunker for the next couple of years, all the while Starburns becomes Sandwichvictorian."
"Jeff I think it's best that we hold onto the idea that we can get out soon," Abed said. "Because this already has all the hallmarks of a bottle episode and unlike the last one, there isn't a Puppy Parade waiting for us outside."
"There's nothing for us outside," Britta said. "Jeff's right, it's time to cut our losses."
"Yes," Jeff said and pulled Britta into his arms. "And the best way to cut our losses is to say... I do. Maybe the Dean could perfo-"
A scream nearly loud enough to bring the walls down around them fired out and cut Jeff's speech off and Annie didn't realize it came from her until she had a wrench in her hand and was carving into the drywall by the entrance. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she hadn't felt this frenzied since her Adderall days.
But she didn't care. Not at this point, not after two days of all of... All of this!
"You listen to me!!" she roared at Jeff or maybe nobody in particular as she attacked the wall. "We are not staying here until Shirley and Hickey get us out ! We are not staying here until we run out of food! We are not even staying here until the swat team breaks the doors down! We are getting out of here as soon as we can! Even if we have to chip away at the freaking metal and concrete with our bare hands until our fingers bleed! We are getting out of this bunker!"
"Annie calm down," Jeff said.
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down Jeff Winger! We're stuck down here because we trusted you to activate the thought machine with your goddamned nipple play!"
"What!?"
"Oh come on Jeff! Why else would you have us all look away? You didn't want us to know that you're just as weird and perverse as the nutty professor over there! If we'd put the device on literally anyone else we would be out of here and saved it!"
"How did you even know I'm into..." Jeff started but then looked to Britta who looked to Abed, who had his eyes wide open as he tried to figure out an appropriate facial expression. "... Nevermind, it doesn't matter! I wasn't rubbing my nipples! And I would have had that door open if the power hadn't gone out!"
"Would you now?" Annie threw the wrench down and stalked over to him. "And how was that? Were you thinking really really powerful thoughts about scotch or your cell phone? Because that's why it didn't work, we put our fate in the hands of our group's least passionate member next to Abed. No offense Abed."
"None taken."
"Least passionate?" Jeff said. "At least I'm not the one that got so over passionate that I encouraged a teacher to attack wall with a pick axe and got Duncan electrocuted."
"At least I was doing something!"
"You mean like attacking the wall with a wrench?" Britta said. "Annie, as a virtually licensed psychologists, I think it would be good for you to acknowledge that letting go of Greendale is the next big step in growing up into the true woman you were meant to be."
"And that would mean something Britta," Annie said. "If you weren't using leaving Greendale as an excuse to be an unbelievable hypocrite."
"I beg your pardon!?" Britta pulled away from Jeff and stalked over to Annie. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Now ladies," the Dean stepped in between them. "I think this is getting a little heated."
Both Britta and Annie shoved him aside in perfect unison.
"Well Annie, how am I a hypocrite?"
"Let me answer that question with another question?" Annie didn't break eye contact. "How many rants on feminism have you made me sit through?"
"I..."
"How many times do you think you told me to be true to myself and not define myself by a man? Hell, how many times have you flat out accused me of selling out our entire gender just because I didn't conform to your ideals."
"This is entirely irrelevant..."
"For nearly five years I've always thought, that in spite of your many, many flaws you were like a big sister role model because you were always independent and true to yourself. Even to your own detriment, but as it turns out it's all a sham!" Annie said "Because the moment your sense of security was threatened you mutated into this quiet cloying codependent wasp who attached herself to the first penis that offered her a sense of belonging and a 401K! That's right! I said the 'P' word. That's how real things have gotten!"
"Well you're just jealous," Britta said, but her voice wavered, then she glanced at the remains of Rochelle and seemed to remember what waited for them outside. "If he'd made you the same offer we both know you would have done the exact same thing I did."
"Maybe!" Annie said. "But me running away in a fit of romance with someone I used to like isn't a betrayal of everything I claimed to stand for. God you're unbelievable! You're probably going to serve veal at the reception!"
Britta gasped and for a moment even looked like she might break out into an all out catfight. One that the Dean clearly wouldn't be able to stop. Annie glared into her friend's eyes, ready to dish out as good as she got. But there was the faintest quiver in the older woman's eyes. And suddenly Annie felt a twinge of regret welling up.
"Even if I have..." Annie said, and her voice softened. "Even if I used to have feelings for Jeff, it doesn't change the fact that you sold out your principles because you were scared. I don't recognize this version of you Britta, this isn't the woman that helped teach me to stand up for myself. It's just sad to see what you've done to ignore reality."
"Oh, so now you want reality..." Jeff stepped up behind Britta and put his arm around her, only to have her slip away quietly and stand next to Abed. Jeff watched for half a moment before refocusing on Annie. "... Now that we're stuck below ground in a bunker you want reality and not when we could have just moved on with our lives on the surface."
"I'm the only one in this conversation living in reality Jeff. I'm not the one that's using a wedding to ignore my sense of loss and helplessness because you're afraid of any real emotions you might actually have. All so you could prove to yourself that Greendale doesn't matter to you, that we don't matter to you."
"No, you're wrong!" Jeff entire frame shook with each breath as he towered over Annie. "If I've proven anything over these last five years it's that I do care! I do!"
"We did have to drag you down here kicking and screaming," Abed said.
"You were making Goonies references Abed!"
"And any is right that your nipple play didn't get the door open," the Dean said.
"For the last time , I wasn't playing with my nipples!" Jeff through his hands in the air. "And again, I would have gotten the calm door open if it wasn't for the power going out!"
"I guess we'll have to take your word for it," Annie said. "Whatever that's worth."
"Annie, I'm serious, I would have gotten it open!"
"Yeah how?"
"I just would have!"
"Right Jeff keep telling yourself that, this is only the third time you've btried to marry Britta in order to not have to deal with your insecurities. If you can't even figure out a real reason to marry someone, what could possibly inspire real emotion from you enough to open the door?"
"You! Okay! I would have gotten it open because I was thinking of you!"
Half a second after the words left his mouth, Jeff's brain caught up with the conversation. The room sat in stunned silence as Jeff looked from Annie to Britta and back. He opened his mouth like he was trying to come up with a speech but nothing happened and Annie felt her heart racing.
"A last minute plot twist," Abed said.
"Shut up Abed," both Jeff and Annie muttered.