and i'm crying like a church on monday, praying for these feelings to go away
i had this little 'sleep it off' thing going on with my feelings. like, dont say anything youre gonna regret, because you always do; you always realize that you've overreacted and you feel dumb and wish that you would learn from your mistakes.
but fighting the temptation is so hard.
i feel so afraid. the future all of a sudden terrifies me. i'm afraid of the summer being over. i'm so afraid that i'm going somewhere that i don't belong, somehwere where i won't be able to deal and i won't be happy. but i don't want to be here. i'm so over the way that being here makes me feel.
but i'm afraid of tomorrow. i'm afraid of 2 weeks from now, and of being somewhere that i don't belong, and having to deal with people who expect so much more from me than i'm capable of. i'm so afraid.
i'm so afraid that i'm doing everything wrong. i hate how many decisions i'm being forced to make all at once and i'm scared that i'm dismissing them as less important than they are because i'm afraid to deal with them.
i'm afraid that i'm letting moments pass that will hurt me in the long run. its scary that so many things that i'm doing now are affecting my long run. that shouldnt be.
i have so many more specific fears that i need to sleep off. i need to hold a lot in because letting it out has never ended well.
but now i'm just getting tired i guess.
but fighting the temptation is so hard.
i feel so afraid. the future all of a sudden terrifies me. i'm afraid of the summer being over. i'm so afraid that i'm going somewhere that i don't belong, somehwere where i won't be able to deal and i won't be happy. but i don't want to be here. i'm so over the way that being here makes me feel.
but i'm afraid of tomorrow. i'm afraid of 2 weeks from now, and of being somewhere that i don't belong, and having to deal with people who expect so much more from me than i'm capable of. i'm so afraid.
i'm so afraid that i'm doing everything wrong. i hate how many decisions i'm being forced to make all at once and i'm scared that i'm dismissing them as less important than they are because i'm afraid to deal with them.
i'm afraid that i'm letting moments pass that will hurt me in the long run. its scary that so many things that i'm doing now are affecting my long run. that shouldnt be.
i have so many more specific fears that i need to sleep off. i need to hold a lot in because letting it out has never ended well.
but now i'm just getting tired i guess.