(no subject)
i'm so ridiculously sick. i woke up at 7 to wake mikey up, got prom and graduation pictures from the school and then set up for the relay all day. kind of needed to sleep but im an idiot. i'm getting 0 hours of sleep tonight...and i'll be outside the whole time.
tomorrow i'll be outside at erik's all day and then booom its my party and i'll still be sick. sweet.
john neylon wrote me this and i kind of liked it...
Dear Briana,
Go and set the world aflame: that's my advice to you, because (as I percieve) you've got everything you need at least to begin undertaking this task. You've got style and grace to spare. Use them!
its a little better than
Dear Briana,
i hope you feel guilty about ignoring me for the things that i've done to hurt you.
which i got in a beautiful graduation card today. yeah i paraphrased but it was pretty much the idea. i wonder why i got the card today and not on the day of my party. welllll the person who gave it to me was invited but doesnt want to come because...actually i dont really want to talk about why. it really just makes me angry. i'm caught in the middle of a huge situation that has absolutely nothing to do with me and i cant just make everyone happy. there are people that i'm supposed to love but have never loved me, and if i do things to please them just because i feel like i need to so that they dont hate me i end up hurting the people who really do love me. but in staying with the people who love me (which is obviously the best decision) i'm pissing off the stupid people, and i know it doesnt matter but i'm not trying to be hated just because other people are stupid.
and its so ridiculous that anyone would think that a graduation card is the place to deal with that. it didnt even say "i'm proud of you". it didnt say "i love you". it said "you hurt me". what the fuck. i dont want anything to do with these problems. ITS NOT MY FAULT people are stupid, and screwed themselves over by treating the most important people in my life like crap. i can name at least 5 people who love me enough to do anything for me, and to be there for me whenever i need them. so if ONE person has done nothing but hurt those 5 people, isnt it justified for me to not really care if theyre around or not? they can be as fake as they want to me but theyve never been there for me like any of the other FIVE people, so it sucks that i have to lose them (like i ever even had them) because they can't deal with my trying to ignore everything thats going on. how can they expect me to deal with such enormous problems? i'm a child. they're involving people that absolutely don't need to be involved and they're taking relationships away from me. like, adults have people that they have history with, and problems. i shouldn't have to have that yet! i'm fucking 17 years old and i didnt ask for any of this. THANKS FOR THE CARD. i'm assuming you meant to say i love you. i'm assuming you didnt mean to imply that i'm old enough to make the fight or flee decision all on my own. I'M NOT. i'm not ready to fight for myself, or to be hated by anyone. i'm not trying to flee either, i'm just trying to ignore everyone.
great fucking card though.
now i'm in a great mood.
tomorrow i'll be outside at erik's all day and then booom its my party and i'll still be sick. sweet.
john neylon wrote me this and i kind of liked it...
Dear Briana,
Go and set the world aflame: that's my advice to you, because (as I percieve) you've got everything you need at least to begin undertaking this task. You've got style and grace to spare. Use them!
its a little better than
Dear Briana,
i hope you feel guilty about ignoring me for the things that i've done to hurt you.
which i got in a beautiful graduation card today. yeah i paraphrased but it was pretty much the idea. i wonder why i got the card today and not on the day of my party. welllll the person who gave it to me was invited but doesnt want to come because...actually i dont really want to talk about why. it really just makes me angry. i'm caught in the middle of a huge situation that has absolutely nothing to do with me and i cant just make everyone happy. there are people that i'm supposed to love but have never loved me, and if i do things to please them just because i feel like i need to so that they dont hate me i end up hurting the people who really do love me. but in staying with the people who love me (which is obviously the best decision) i'm pissing off the stupid people, and i know it doesnt matter but i'm not trying to be hated just because other people are stupid.
and its so ridiculous that anyone would think that a graduation card is the place to deal with that. it didnt even say "i'm proud of you". it didnt say "i love you". it said "you hurt me". what the fuck. i dont want anything to do with these problems. ITS NOT MY FAULT people are stupid, and screwed themselves over by treating the most important people in my life like crap. i can name at least 5 people who love me enough to do anything for me, and to be there for me whenever i need them. so if ONE person has done nothing but hurt those 5 people, isnt it justified for me to not really care if theyre around or not? they can be as fake as they want to me but theyve never been there for me like any of the other FIVE people, so it sucks that i have to lose them (like i ever even had them) because they can't deal with my trying to ignore everything thats going on. how can they expect me to deal with such enormous problems? i'm a child. they're involving people that absolutely don't need to be involved and they're taking relationships away from me. like, adults have people that they have history with, and problems. i shouldn't have to have that yet! i'm fucking 17 years old and i didnt ask for any of this. THANKS FOR THE CARD. i'm assuming you meant to say i love you. i'm assuming you didnt mean to imply that i'm old enough to make the fight or flee decision all on my own. I'M NOT. i'm not ready to fight for myself, or to be hated by anyone. i'm not trying to flee either, i'm just trying to ignore everyone.
great fucking card though.
now i'm in a great mood.