Bullying
Bullying is endemic in our schools. In fact, it is endemic in our society. According to Evelyn M Field on her website Bully Blocking, "Around the world, more than one in six children are bullied at school, every week. More than one in six employees are bullied at work" and possibly more. Some schools in Australia still have a culture of bullying in spite of the work of organisations such as the National Centre Against Bullying and Friendly Schools and Families and the government initiative National Safe Schools Framework.
Bullying ranges from actual physical violence and verbal abuse to the passive aggressive forms of abuse such as social exclusion and 'no speaks'. Almost anyone can be a target. Almost anyone can be a bully. Bullying in adult environments or in schools where physical violence and verbal abuse is more tightly controlled is likely to be more subtle but it can be as damaging, to the point of driving susceptible individuals to suicide.
Cyberbullying has brought the art of bullying to new heights, taking school bullying beyond the schoolyard. The excuse that 'it is just text on a screen' ignores the fact that both the perpetrator and the target are real people. What is communicated is no different simply because the medium is different.
As a child at an all boys school, I learnt to keep my head down. In the first few years of high school, I observed the protracted unmerciful verbal and emotional bullying of one of my classmates. "Kitchen did it" is the phrase that remains in my memory. Being physically not strong, and likely to be bullied myself if I intervened, I felt powerless. This individual was not gay as far as I know. I don't know how it started or why it continued. The teachers seemed unaware. Bullying is often covert and in schools is hidden from adults.
I have experienced being bullied by a manager in the work environment. When I consulted a psychologist in order to learn skills to deal with the situation, she responded that I was being treated unfairly but there was nothing she or I could do about it. In fact, all that the company could do about it was to make my departure more comfortable.
I have often wondered how I would manage situations of bullying among my own staff. These situations are often conveniently justified as personality conflicts or by plausible fictions, exaggeration or by overreactions to what a reasonable person would consider trivial or relatively insignificant. As at school, where the bullying is often hidden from adults, bullying can be hidden from management or other staff by the bully being publicly nice and privately nasty. It is hard for the target to bring the situation out into the open and to tell his side of the story. If his manager or the culture of the organisation shares the same prejudices as the bully, then his position is more precarious still. The only option for the target is to leave or try to survive until the bully leaves.
Bullying very often focusses on a point of difference. The difference could be race, sexual orientation, body size, lack of sporting ability or any other difference where the target is a member of a minority group, especially a lower status group, in that environment. Some people are 'natural targets' because they do not have the social skills to withstand even mild forms of aggression. The point of difference is a convenient lever. It is the exercise of power that is at the core of bullying and not the difference itself.
Lest we think it is 'those people' that have the problem, bullying occurs in LGBT organisations and in LGBT relationships (see Another Closet). Relationship violence is the abusive exercise of power within a relationship. It is no different from bullying. (I suspect that homophobia is behind much abusive behaviour within the LGBT community.)
There is no quick answer. Legislation is useful only when it is enforced and then only after the event. Violence and abuse against the bullies, so that we become the bullies, is not a viable, longterm solution. A culture of violence supports bullying. As a group who will always be a small minority, that approach will backfire on us. I believe that part of the answer lies in changing the culture of our schools, companies, community and sporting organisations so that differences are valued. That is no easy change as it conflicts with our sense of territory and the process of working out who are friends and who are enemies. "They are not like us" is not usually a compliment. Valuing diversity is an essential step. When being different is no longer being in a weak position but in a position that is valued, the bully loses his power.
It is important and in our own interests for the LGBT community to take the lead in this but we have fallen behind, if we were ever ahead. Many large corporations and government departments in Australia have a diversity policy. The Campbell Soup Company is one organisation which believes that a diverse workforce provides a competitive business advantage. Within our own LGBT community, ACON is one of the few LGBT organisations in Australia which publish their diversity policy on their website. We can show that we value diversity by respecting and valuing other people's differences, and most of all, by respecting and valuing our own difference.
LGBT people have a particular stake in understanding and addressing the bullying culture, because, whatever other minorities are around from time to time, we will always be around and therefore we will always be potential targets.
Bullying ranges from actual physical violence and verbal abuse to the passive aggressive forms of abuse such as social exclusion and 'no speaks'. Almost anyone can be a target. Almost anyone can be a bully. Bullying in adult environments or in schools where physical violence and verbal abuse is more tightly controlled is likely to be more subtle but it can be as damaging, to the point of driving susceptible individuals to suicide.
Cyberbullying has brought the art of bullying to new heights, taking school bullying beyond the schoolyard. The excuse that 'it is just text on a screen' ignores the fact that both the perpetrator and the target are real people. What is communicated is no different simply because the medium is different.
As a child at an all boys school, I learnt to keep my head down. In the first few years of high school, I observed the protracted unmerciful verbal and emotional bullying of one of my classmates. "Kitchen did it" is the phrase that remains in my memory. Being physically not strong, and likely to be bullied myself if I intervened, I felt powerless. This individual was not gay as far as I know. I don't know how it started or why it continued. The teachers seemed unaware. Bullying is often covert and in schools is hidden from adults.
I have experienced being bullied by a manager in the work environment. When I consulted a psychologist in order to learn skills to deal with the situation, she responded that I was being treated unfairly but there was nothing she or I could do about it. In fact, all that the company could do about it was to make my departure more comfortable.
I have often wondered how I would manage situations of bullying among my own staff. These situations are often conveniently justified as personality conflicts or by plausible fictions, exaggeration or by overreactions to what a reasonable person would consider trivial or relatively insignificant. As at school, where the bullying is often hidden from adults, bullying can be hidden from management or other staff by the bully being publicly nice and privately nasty. It is hard for the target to bring the situation out into the open and to tell his side of the story. If his manager or the culture of the organisation shares the same prejudices as the bully, then his position is more precarious still. The only option for the target is to leave or try to survive until the bully leaves.
Bullying very often focusses on a point of difference. The difference could be race, sexual orientation, body size, lack of sporting ability or any other difference where the target is a member of a minority group, especially a lower status group, in that environment. Some people are 'natural targets' because they do not have the social skills to withstand even mild forms of aggression. The point of difference is a convenient lever. It is the exercise of power that is at the core of bullying and not the difference itself.
Lest we think it is 'those people' that have the problem, bullying occurs in LGBT organisations and in LGBT relationships (see Another Closet). Relationship violence is the abusive exercise of power within a relationship. It is no different from bullying. (I suspect that homophobia is behind much abusive behaviour within the LGBT community.)
There is no quick answer. Legislation is useful only when it is enforced and then only after the event. Violence and abuse against the bullies, so that we become the bullies, is not a viable, longterm solution. A culture of violence supports bullying. As a group who will always be a small minority, that approach will backfire on us. I believe that part of the answer lies in changing the culture of our schools, companies, community and sporting organisations so that differences are valued. That is no easy change as it conflicts with our sense of territory and the process of working out who are friends and who are enemies. "They are not like us" is not usually a compliment. Valuing diversity is an essential step. When being different is no longer being in a weak position but in a position that is valued, the bully loses his power.
It is important and in our own interests for the LGBT community to take the lead in this but we have fallen behind, if we were ever ahead. Many large corporations and government departments in Australia have a diversity policy. The Campbell Soup Company is one organisation which believes that a diverse workforce provides a competitive business advantage. Within our own LGBT community, ACON is one of the few LGBT organisations in Australia which publish their diversity policy on their website. We can show that we value diversity by respecting and valuing other people's differences, and most of all, by respecting and valuing our own difference.
LGBT people have a particular stake in understanding and addressing the bullying culture, because, whatever other minorities are around from time to time, we will always be around and therefore we will always be potential targets.