Nick vs. Citizen Toxie (the gayest band name EVER)
Seriously that sounds like the stupidest pop-punk band ever...but I'm biased.
EDIT: I heard his band, they are worst fucking hardcore band I've ever heard, he needs to learn how to plan drums and goto a double bass, and the NEED a new bass player, because its sickening how bad he is. the guitar player has some talent, and the lead singer needs a vocal coach like tommy lee needs a shot of penicillian. GOOD GOD!, I was worried about this?
This is sort of moment of truth time for me. I need to figure out what is drawing me back to her. I talked to her tonight for an extended period of time and I felt the pull again. I can't get away from it.
I got two options, and I'm gonna call this "Heather Dupuis Syndrome" cause this is exactly what happened with Heather and it didn't end great, I'm still qausi-friends with her and I'm happy with that so kill babies.
Option Number One: Keep up the fight, Keep bothering her and doing what I've been doing, telling her I care and showing her the best I can that I honestly do.
Option Number Two: Try to find someone else, the risk in this of course that I am very picky when it comes to girls, EXTREMELY PICKY so If your a girl who is reading this and I have asked you out. feel fucking proud cause that means you somehow showed me that you are worth putting myself out there. Girls are hard, sometimes you end up in bullshit relationshops just cause you can't stand to be alone. You go out with a bunch of shithead girls and they annoy the piss out of you and suck up all your fucking money. The upside to this of course, is I COULD meet someone new and actually care about them.
am I ready for a relationship, probaly not. Do I wanna screw around a bit, and get laid...I don't know because I choose option number one, and I succeed then I'll feel really bad.
this is fucking hard, and its stressing me out really badly. I picked out a bunch of gray hairs out of my beard today. I am going gray at 19 years old, because I don't know what the hell I should do about Alysha Rose Wells.
There is probaly a pyscho-babble term for what I'm doing to myself. The theory that I'm running with right now is that I have acceptence issues, which is probaly true, because I was never really accepted by anyone in my life, those who have are my best friends. There is a reason why I have had the same friends for the past decade, because they know how to deal with me, and they are loyal.
My dad never gave a fuck what I did, I was never supported in anything I ever did, and of course that bothered me. So now the theory is that I was truly accepted by Alysha for who I was, and I lost it and I can't deal with the rejection.
She says I gotta do whats best for me, but what if whats best for is option number one. What if option number one is the only thing keeping me going? I dunno, I know I'm in a pretty bad depression, I know I didn't say two words to anyone today, which anyone who knows me will say "HOLY SHIT! NICK DIDN'T TALK!?" I couldn't get out of bed, and it just sucked ass.
I know whats putting me in that depression, I know that getting hurt this time really knocked the wind out of me. I know that my confidence is really low right now when it comes to women. I know that I'm horny as fuck right now, and I almost fucked the waterbed. I also know that if I go out and screw around, I'm gonna feel bad. Cause' I don't like to fuck one girl, and pine for another. Which is why I'm glad Steph dumped me when she did, cause I was definetly not focused on her at all.
I can honestly say the only girl who I wanted to date during this whole Alysha bullshit was Heather Dupuis. I like Heather, she is cool chick. Little off when it comes to music, but she open minded so kill babies on that, but the Alysha reared her head again and squashed that. Shes got a pretty cool boyfriend now, and that cool, cause while I do like her, I don't like her so much that her being with another guy bothers me. Specially with such a nice guy.
Or maybe I'm just desprate for someone to love me. I never feel loved, I wanna feel loved. thats such a fucking emo thing to say, but the smiths said it best "I am human and I need to be loved". damn smiths....so depressing.
In a perfect world, Aric and Alysha will cease to be, I will move back to Boston and we will get back together. But I learned something this year, I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT. because this is a sick reality television show that loves to watch me suffer or I'm truly fucking crazy and I need to be hospitalized for the rest of my natural life.
I don't know is what I'm really trying to say, I have no fucking clue what my next move is.
I have some auditions for bands tommorow. Yep, go professional musicianship.
EDIT: I heard his band, they are worst fucking hardcore band I've ever heard, he needs to learn how to plan drums and goto a double bass, and the NEED a new bass player, because its sickening how bad he is. the guitar player has some talent, and the lead singer needs a vocal coach like tommy lee needs a shot of penicillian. GOOD GOD!, I was worried about this?
This is sort of moment of truth time for me. I need to figure out what is drawing me back to her. I talked to her tonight for an extended period of time and I felt the pull again. I can't get away from it.
I got two options, and I'm gonna call this "Heather Dupuis Syndrome" cause this is exactly what happened with Heather and it didn't end great, I'm still qausi-friends with her and I'm happy with that so kill babies.
Option Number One: Keep up the fight, Keep bothering her and doing what I've been doing, telling her I care and showing her the best I can that I honestly do.
Option Number Two: Try to find someone else, the risk in this of course that I am very picky when it comes to girls, EXTREMELY PICKY so If your a girl who is reading this and I have asked you out. feel fucking proud cause that means you somehow showed me that you are worth putting myself out there. Girls are hard, sometimes you end up in bullshit relationshops just cause you can't stand to be alone. You go out with a bunch of shithead girls and they annoy the piss out of you and suck up all your fucking money. The upside to this of course, is I COULD meet someone new and actually care about them.
am I ready for a relationship, probaly not. Do I wanna screw around a bit, and get laid...I don't know because I choose option number one, and I succeed then I'll feel really bad.
this is fucking hard, and its stressing me out really badly. I picked out a bunch of gray hairs out of my beard today. I am going gray at 19 years old, because I don't know what the hell I should do about Alysha Rose Wells.
There is probaly a pyscho-babble term for what I'm doing to myself. The theory that I'm running with right now is that I have acceptence issues, which is probaly true, because I was never really accepted by anyone in my life, those who have are my best friends. There is a reason why I have had the same friends for the past decade, because they know how to deal with me, and they are loyal.
My dad never gave a fuck what I did, I was never supported in anything I ever did, and of course that bothered me. So now the theory is that I was truly accepted by Alysha for who I was, and I lost it and I can't deal with the rejection.
She says I gotta do whats best for me, but what if whats best for is option number one. What if option number one is the only thing keeping me going? I dunno, I know I'm in a pretty bad depression, I know I didn't say two words to anyone today, which anyone who knows me will say "HOLY SHIT! NICK DIDN'T TALK!?" I couldn't get out of bed, and it just sucked ass.
I know whats putting me in that depression, I know that getting hurt this time really knocked the wind out of me. I know that my confidence is really low right now when it comes to women. I know that I'm horny as fuck right now, and I almost fucked the waterbed. I also know that if I go out and screw around, I'm gonna feel bad. Cause' I don't like to fuck one girl, and pine for another. Which is why I'm glad Steph dumped me when she did, cause I was definetly not focused on her at all.
I can honestly say the only girl who I wanted to date during this whole Alysha bullshit was Heather Dupuis. I like Heather, she is cool chick. Little off when it comes to music, but she open minded so kill babies on that, but the Alysha reared her head again and squashed that. Shes got a pretty cool boyfriend now, and that cool, cause while I do like her, I don't like her so much that her being with another guy bothers me. Specially with such a nice guy.
Or maybe I'm just desprate for someone to love me. I never feel loved, I wanna feel loved. thats such a fucking emo thing to say, but the smiths said it best "I am human and I need to be loved". damn smiths....so depressing.
In a perfect world, Aric and Alysha will cease to be, I will move back to Boston and we will get back together. But I learned something this year, I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT. because this is a sick reality television show that loves to watch me suffer or I'm truly fucking crazy and I need to be hospitalized for the rest of my natural life.
I don't know is what I'm really trying to say, I have no fucking clue what my next move is.
I have some auditions for bands tommorow. Yep, go professional musicianship.