(no subject)
fuck school. i shoulda known from the beginning of the start that it was gonna be a bad month. i'm so drained physically and emotionally that i really cant stand it right now. and if i didnt get to see ashley everyday i would prolly go insane and do something stupid. shes the only person, the only reason that holds me together and gets me by day after day.
i dunno what it is..maybe its frustration, but i've never felt frustration like this, and i needed to get it out, but dont know who i can talk to...so i'm talking to all that reads this. fuck school, fuck the people that are in my classes, fuck my teachers, fuck their assignments, fuck their tests, fuck their rules, fuck their grades. i wish i could say i dont care anymore, but its not true, cuz if i didnt care i wouldnt have been working my ass off the last month to bring my fucking grades up to my expectations. and honestly, they arent even up to par for me and it pisses me off. i know its my fault, i'm not blaming anybody else, but i need to blow off some steam, and seeing how fighting never works, i dont wanna bitch at somebody cuz thats not cool either, looks like i'm left to this thing. its the only use i have for it now. i have been waiting all day to write in this thing to get things off my mind, off my chest, out in the open, for the hope that it makes me feel better. i'm so fucking overwhelmed with shit that i cant take it anymore. i just need it to stop...but its not going to. they keep pouring the shit on, and today i felt like ripping peoples heads off. i'm glad tomorrow is friday...i'm glad its the end of the fuckin marking period, so maybe saturday i can take a load off and stop worrying so god damn much. i did fine, i know i did, i just hate being my worst critic cuz i am too hard on myself. i'm done. a lil better i guess, not much tho. i'm gonna go see the only person i wanna see everyday and i know she'll brighten up my day.
i dunno what it is..maybe its frustration, but i've never felt frustration like this, and i needed to get it out, but dont know who i can talk to...so i'm talking to all that reads this. fuck school, fuck the people that are in my classes, fuck my teachers, fuck their assignments, fuck their tests, fuck their rules, fuck their grades. i wish i could say i dont care anymore, but its not true, cuz if i didnt care i wouldnt have been working my ass off the last month to bring my fucking grades up to my expectations. and honestly, they arent even up to par for me and it pisses me off. i know its my fault, i'm not blaming anybody else, but i need to blow off some steam, and seeing how fighting never works, i dont wanna bitch at somebody cuz thats not cool either, looks like i'm left to this thing. its the only use i have for it now. i have been waiting all day to write in this thing to get things off my mind, off my chest, out in the open, for the hope that it makes me feel better. i'm so fucking overwhelmed with shit that i cant take it anymore. i just need it to stop...but its not going to. they keep pouring the shit on, and today i felt like ripping peoples heads off. i'm glad tomorrow is friday...i'm glad its the end of the fuckin marking period, so maybe saturday i can take a load off and stop worrying so god damn much. i did fine, i know i did, i just hate being my worst critic cuz i am too hard on myself. i'm done. a lil better i guess, not much tho. i'm gonna go see the only person i wanna see everyday and i know she'll brighten up my day.