So i'm kind of falling apart in front of everyone's eyes
She is shy and quiet
a smile upon her face.
She laughs, she cries.
Yet, she feels alone.
She is beautiful in her own way;
intelligent and loving.
Yet, she still feels alone.
The tears she cries fall on her cheeks alone.
No burdens shared.
She feels alone.
Through the smiles and the laughs secretely screaming for attention;
help from anyone. Noone.
She Is alone.
So I think it's safe to say that I officially had a break down tonight. As I sat in his car curled up in a ball with my own snot and tears covering my face I realized I was falling apart. I started scratching at myself, pulling my hair out, screaming... I don't know what's wrong with me. Do I have attachment issues? No. I have issues with people being my "boyfriend" and doing and saying the shit that they do. I can only take so much of it before I start getting really upset by it. He says I brought everything on myself and he did not hing wrong; that deep down I really am a bad person; and that I just hold him back from life. I already have any self confidence and belief in myself of about the size of an ant, and
hearing what I have been hearing lately only squashes the little bit that was there. I sit here now still in tears thinking to myself how bad of a person I am. It's me. I guess It really is me. I always like to help people and be nice and thoughtful and unselfish but apparently I am NONE of these things. And I will never ammount to anything. I pretty much am a useless sad person with nothing going for me. Nobody truly understands the way I feel or why i do; I can't expect them to. But I am not just being emo or what not. I have real issues and I am a person with real feelings. Feelings that seem to be haywire right now and out of control. I was having issues way before school started and now they are only getting progressively worse. Is it too much to ask for?? happiness... have I really done so much wrong in my life I dont deserve it? I am really starting to think this is the case. I need help.
a smile upon her face.
She laughs, she cries.
Yet, she feels alone.
She is beautiful in her own way;
intelligent and loving.
Yet, she still feels alone.
The tears she cries fall on her cheeks alone.
No burdens shared.
She feels alone.
Through the smiles and the laughs secretely screaming for attention;
help from anyone. Noone.
She Is alone.
So I think it's safe to say that I officially had a break down tonight. As I sat in his car curled up in a ball with my own snot and tears covering my face I realized I was falling apart. I started scratching at myself, pulling my hair out, screaming... I don't know what's wrong with me. Do I have attachment issues? No. I have issues with people being my "boyfriend" and doing and saying the shit that they do. I can only take so much of it before I start getting really upset by it. He says I brought everything on myself and he did not hing wrong; that deep down I really am a bad person; and that I just hold him back from life. I already have any self confidence and belief in myself of about the size of an ant, and
hearing what I have been hearing lately only squashes the little bit that was there. I sit here now still in tears thinking to myself how bad of a person I am. It's me. I guess It really is me. I always like to help people and be nice and thoughtful and unselfish but apparently I am NONE of these things. And I will never ammount to anything. I pretty much am a useless sad person with nothing going for me. Nobody truly understands the way I feel or why i do; I can't expect them to. But I am not just being emo or what not. I have real issues and I am a person with real feelings. Feelings that seem to be haywire right now and out of control. I was having issues way before school started and now they are only getting progressively worse. Is it too much to ask for?? happiness... have I really done so much wrong in my life I dont deserve it? I am really starting to think this is the case. I need help.