Sometimes, even the smallest things can change your day.
Perhaps we shall start this entry off with the normal blah blah blah depressing stuff.
Today, was almost sickining, Sarah deciding to take her nice old time to sit with her friend two seats down from me at resource and talk about her boyfriend while I was trying to read. Had I not had as much self control, I would have just complained to Mrs.Butler to have her removed from my vicinity. But It was kind of scary. How was it scary? It was scary in the fact that I started to cringe in anger, and that her presence, which once brought my goofy jow, now makes me angry. And when at one point i start having violent thoughts about ripping apart this boyfriend which I have never met, I was kind of frightned of myself. I am, as most know, a non-violent pacifist, and how I could harbor thoughts of hate towards a person I never met for seemingly no reason almost disgusts me. Hopefully I never become a hate-driven monster.
But not all things today were bad, and the smallest compliment, however bleak and meaningless it was, Made me feel slightly better thorughout my day. It was in drama class, when christina ( a pious individual usually disliked mostly because she believes strongly in what she believes in) had some gum. Now Kaleb and I imiedietly ask for gum, me thrusting my lower lip out in a sad poutty face. To my suprise, I was handed gum with the words "Here, you can have some because your cute". She then proceeded to refuse kalip some because he wasn't. Now, I don't 'like' christina, and I see her with her boyfriend in the hallways all the time, and perhaps she said it just because of the lip or just jokingly, but the point still stands. A member of the opposite sex reffered to me as 'cute'. It wasn't anything special, but it lightened my mood, worries over Sarah drifting away. Maybe a single lady doesn't find me cute, but she certainly has friends who could share such an opinion. It was almost like a little glimpse of hope. I don't pricieve it meant anything really, but it still made me a bit happier the rest of the day.
Today, was almost sickining, Sarah deciding to take her nice old time to sit with her friend two seats down from me at resource and talk about her boyfriend while I was trying to read. Had I not had as much self control, I would have just complained to Mrs.Butler to have her removed from my vicinity. But It was kind of scary. How was it scary? It was scary in the fact that I started to cringe in anger, and that her presence, which once brought my goofy jow, now makes me angry. And when at one point i start having violent thoughts about ripping apart this boyfriend which I have never met, I was kind of frightned of myself. I am, as most know, a non-violent pacifist, and how I could harbor thoughts of hate towards a person I never met for seemingly no reason almost disgusts me. Hopefully I never become a hate-driven monster.
But not all things today were bad, and the smallest compliment, however bleak and meaningless it was, Made me feel slightly better thorughout my day. It was in drama class, when christina ( a pious individual usually disliked mostly because she believes strongly in what she believes in) had some gum. Now Kaleb and I imiedietly ask for gum, me thrusting my lower lip out in a sad poutty face. To my suprise, I was handed gum with the words "Here, you can have some because your cute". She then proceeded to refuse kalip some because he wasn't. Now, I don't 'like' christina, and I see her with her boyfriend in the hallways all the time, and perhaps she said it just because of the lip or just jokingly, but the point still stands. A member of the opposite sex reffered to me as 'cute'. It wasn't anything special, but it lightened my mood, worries over Sarah drifting away. Maybe a single lady doesn't find me cute, but she certainly has friends who could share such an opinion. It was almost like a little glimpse of hope. I don't pricieve it meant anything really, but it still made me a bit happier the rest of the day.