It dawned on me, like being hit in the head with a baseball.
Before this, rather poetic entry begins perhaps we should start with conversation that sparked it.
GreySeerAl: man, one more preformance and were done
BossPollock0724: yep
BossPollock0724: btw i told addie
GreySeerAl: that's fine
BossPollock0724: yep
GreySeerAl: what did she say
BossPollock0724: uhh nothin
GreySeerAl: lol, ok
GreySeerAl: i dunno if that's good or bad
BossPollock0724: ok alan...right now...she sarah dont think highly of u
BossPollock0724: so u can start by no longer degrading women
GreySeerAl: done
BossPollock0724: and show more compassion and intellectuality and all that shit
GreySeerAl: i can do that
BossPollock0724: ok
GreySeerAl: so it's not impossible
BossPollock0724: iunno...thats up to u.
The last line leaves me with much to think about," that's up to you". In truth it is. When I think back why doesn't she think highly of me. Because I said bad things about women, and for what, because I felt i needed to be funny, because I was afraid if I didn't say anything funny I wouldn't be noticed? Perhaps she doesn't htink highly of me, because she makes me weak, because it seems that around her all courage falters, and I become to afraid to be the person I am. At the competition, if I had just went to the music player person, and just requested a slow song, and come back down, and asked her to dance with me. If I hadj ust dance with her despite the music, If I had just had the courage to just be arround her without worry. If today, when she was sitting two tables down, If I had just got up and asked her if she wanted to go to mario's. Or even when I was walking back, alone, from subway, If I had just stopped at the florist and picked up a Dozen roses and handed them to her after the show, saying nothing but "Sarah, these are for you, from me." But I did none of It, and why? Because I was too afraid? Of what? she wouldn't bite me, she wouldn't hit me, she wouldn't try to hurt my feelings. What do I have to be afraid of, nothing. Perhaps there is more to what pollock sais then either me or him understand. Perhaps the significance in "that's up to you" is greater then I think. Perhaps if I just stop, If I just say hi to her when I have the chance, If I just try to talk to her, If I just get up and ask her to eat at a restaraunt with me, or dance with me, or just give her some roses. And why was I even afarid to speak her name, What do I lose by letting people know? People might go all elemntary school about it? tease me? say stuff about it? BAH! to hell with them all. I'll shout it right out loud
I LIKE SARAH WALLACE
Today, was a stunning revalation, perhaps the reason I can't get a girl, doesn't lie with that I'm not attractive enough, or that I'm not strong enough, perhaps it is as simple as something as courage.
GreySeerAl: man, one more preformance and were done
BossPollock0724: yep
BossPollock0724: btw i told addie
GreySeerAl: that's fine
BossPollock0724: yep
GreySeerAl: what did she say
BossPollock0724: uhh nothin
GreySeerAl: lol, ok
GreySeerAl: i dunno if that's good or bad
BossPollock0724: ok alan...right now...she sarah dont think highly of u
BossPollock0724: so u can start by no longer degrading women
GreySeerAl: done
BossPollock0724: and show more compassion and intellectuality and all that shit
GreySeerAl: i can do that
BossPollock0724: ok
GreySeerAl: so it's not impossible
BossPollock0724: iunno...thats up to u.
The last line leaves me with much to think about," that's up to you". In truth it is. When I think back why doesn't she think highly of me. Because I said bad things about women, and for what, because I felt i needed to be funny, because I was afraid if I didn't say anything funny I wouldn't be noticed? Perhaps she doesn't htink highly of me, because she makes me weak, because it seems that around her all courage falters, and I become to afraid to be the person I am. At the competition, if I had just went to the music player person, and just requested a slow song, and come back down, and asked her to dance with me. If I hadj ust dance with her despite the music, If I had just had the courage to just be arround her without worry. If today, when she was sitting two tables down, If I had just got up and asked her if she wanted to go to mario's. Or even when I was walking back, alone, from subway, If I had just stopped at the florist and picked up a Dozen roses and handed them to her after the show, saying nothing but "Sarah, these are for you, from me." But I did none of It, and why? Because I was too afraid? Of what? she wouldn't bite me, she wouldn't hit me, she wouldn't try to hurt my feelings. What do I have to be afraid of, nothing. Perhaps there is more to what pollock sais then either me or him understand. Perhaps the significance in "that's up to you" is greater then I think. Perhaps if I just stop, If I just say hi to her when I have the chance, If I just try to talk to her, If I just get up and ask her to eat at a restaraunt with me, or dance with me, or just give her some roses. And why was I even afarid to speak her name, What do I lose by letting people know? People might go all elemntary school about it? tease me? say stuff about it? BAH! to hell with them all. I'll shout it right out loud
I LIKE SARAH WALLACE
Today, was a stunning revalation, perhaps the reason I can't get a girl, doesn't lie with that I'm not attractive enough, or that I'm not strong enough, perhaps it is as simple as something as courage.