on the verge .
got my medical results from the family doctor and now the last thing is to get my tuberculosis test from the public health clinic.
in many ways, i still feel like a child, like the picture of the little girl my-an, described by becky and russell on our third night in kolkata. painful relationships and even more painful endings, sex, money enough to live, bills, heartache, failure, debt, determination leading to debt-breakthrough, twenty-four years of suppression and one year of freedom ... and i still feel like i carry this child-like innocence and the feeling like i don't really understand or comprehend ... much of anything. i feel like i still see, think and feel in part. what does it mean to be wise? what does it mean to be mature? what does it mean to grow up? what do i know how to do? what do i have to share?
a saying i despise: 'the more things change, the more they stay the same.'
two more months, and i hope to be leaving on a jet plane going to chiang mai, thailand. not to escape, or 'take a break', but to seek God more intensely, and because perhaps He wants me there specifically, for and at a specific time. discipleship training school. that's my next step after india. my application is 95% done. the base is expecting to recieve it soon, and ek is expecting to finalize plans with me later about meeting me in bangkok. fired off my first message to the travel agent who i hope will help me secure the best deal for a plane ticket. my heart has questions for the Lord. and i know He's got things to say regarding many areas of my life. it's during quiet times like this that i'm more aware of Him i think.
in many ways, i still feel like a child, like the picture of the little girl my-an, described by becky and russell on our third night in kolkata. painful relationships and even more painful endings, sex, money enough to live, bills, heartache, failure, debt, determination leading to debt-breakthrough, twenty-four years of suppression and one year of freedom ... and i still feel like i carry this child-like innocence and the feeling like i don't really understand or comprehend ... much of anything. i feel like i still see, think and feel in part. what does it mean to be wise? what does it mean to be mature? what does it mean to grow up? what do i know how to do? what do i have to share?
a saying i despise: 'the more things change, the more they stay the same.'
two more months, and i hope to be leaving on a jet plane going to chiang mai, thailand. not to escape, or 'take a break', but to seek God more intensely, and because perhaps He wants me there specifically, for and at a specific time. discipleship training school. that's my next step after india. my application is 95% done. the base is expecting to recieve it soon, and ek is expecting to finalize plans with me later about meeting me in bangkok. fired off my first message to the travel agent who i hope will help me secure the best deal for a plane ticket. my heart has questions for the Lord. and i know He's got things to say regarding many areas of my life. it's during quiet times like this that i'm more aware of Him i think.