candy-coated unicorns are quite hard to find
I've come to a point where i have to force myself to realize that i'm not a kid anymore. I do too many "adult" things to justify my lack of responsibility as being a kid. As it stands I have not started studying for the GRE, I have not looked into a single grad program or applied for a job. Fuck that, i haven't been studying as i should--evidence of such irresponsibilty, a D on my abnormal psych test accompanied by a lack of anxiety on my part.
I don't like being indifferent, it's not me. Everyday i hear myself saying, fuck this, fuck that, fuck him, fuck her, fuck you and your mom. I can't seem to care about other people...i DO care but i don't. I've also become quite cynical almost bitter and that more than anything is frightening to me.
Look, i do care about people it's just hard for me to focus, to actively listen when they're talking to me, or give supportive insight into their concerns. It's like i find myself looking at them on mute and just nodding randomly or at a pause. Any attempt at caring or comforting is more out of obligation rather than genuine concern. I'M DOING THIS TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT! And to those i could careless about, fuck them. This is not me.
I hope that this isn't who i'm destined to be as an adult because it's been hard to shake.
I don't like being indifferent, it's not me. Everyday i hear myself saying, fuck this, fuck that, fuck him, fuck her, fuck you and your mom. I can't seem to care about other people...i DO care but i don't. I've also become quite cynical almost bitter and that more than anything is frightening to me.
Look, i do care about people it's just hard for me to focus, to actively listen when they're talking to me, or give supportive insight into their concerns. It's like i find myself looking at them on mute and just nodding randomly or at a pause. Any attempt at caring or comforting is more out of obligation rather than genuine concern. I'M DOING THIS TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT! And to those i could careless about, fuck them. This is not me.
I hope that this isn't who i'm destined to be as an adult because it's been hard to shake.