The story to end all stories.
I turn the water off, get out of the shower completely soaked, naked, and the first thing I see in front of me is a huge brown spider on the blinds.
I don't want to alarm it, I feel that I'm not in the state of mind to deal with this monster, I'm still dazed from the surprise and panicked, slightly. So I back away calmly, slip on boxers, jeans, and my bandanna
and I wander out to the kitchen, shirtless, confused and scared.
Enter Steve Crockett, Stage Left
"Steve, I need help, there's something you've got to see."
"Is it a spider? Is it another one of those fucking spiders? I hate those spiders."
I nodded, and we continued.
When we got there, Steve realized how big of an enemy we were really dealing with. It was about twice as large as the normal house spider, and he was all haunched up on his back legs, a clear warning signal. Being on the blinds, it's gonna be a tricky situation to deal with mind you. It would be a loss if he escaped through the blinds, you'd hate to break the blinds in the process of destroying the spider.
We've dealt with his kind before, a few weeks ago the Steeves had a vicious battle with a couple at their desk, with mixed results. The first spider met his death, but only after being trapped under a book and crushed several times, with the deathblow coming from a book smash including a Steev stomp on top. The second meeting came with a brave spider venturing out from his wall cavity. Steve attempted to book crush the bastard, but after just one miss the beast scurried home, never to be seen again.
Steve wants to think of a plan, and I decide to go straight for Steev. Crockett is telling Ancona about the spider while we're on our way, and Ancona sees the spider on the bathroom blinds from the kitchen/laundry room entrance. After inspecting a little further, he backs away, scratching his beard.
"We need a carton, something to scoop with, and some water. Go"
"This is why I wanted Steev, I knew he'd be able to handle this"
Steve began cutting the top off of a milk carton, for the scoop AND the carton. I grabbed a dish towel and turned the hot water on for Steve to start filling. Once filled, we head back into the bathroom.
Steve manned the bottom of the curtains, with Steev trying to scoop the spider into the milk carton flood.
Once done, Steve attempts to create a milk jug sized wave pool to end all wave pools by shaking the carton, panicked.
The ever-vigilant 8-legger hung steady to the walls, never failing, never falling.
I cover the top with the towel to ensure he stays in as Steve turns around, unsure of where to go.
"The water! The water!" Steev yells,and with the three of us in the tiny bathroom, it was loud.
Steve turns the bathroom faucet water on, and pushes the milk jug under the water, drowning the spider... hopefully.
Steve yells "I don't know what to do!"
"Flush him, Flush him!" - Steev
As I'm raising the toilet seat to be the spider's complete demise, I realize that in an effort to save myself from a cold shower, I forgot to flush my pre-shower poop, how embarassing.
Crockett backs away quickly, but remembers the task at hand.
"WHOAAAA!"
He eases back in, dumps the jug, careful not to spill, but aggressively enough to get out quick.
I flush the toilet, and the spider spins down along with everything else.
I don't want to alarm it, I feel that I'm not in the state of mind to deal with this monster, I'm still dazed from the surprise and panicked, slightly. So I back away calmly, slip on boxers, jeans, and my bandanna
and I wander out to the kitchen, shirtless, confused and scared.
Enter Steve Crockett, Stage Left
"Steve, I need help, there's something you've got to see."
"Is it a spider? Is it another one of those fucking spiders? I hate those spiders."
I nodded, and we continued.
When we got there, Steve realized how big of an enemy we were really dealing with. It was about twice as large as the normal house spider, and he was all haunched up on his back legs, a clear warning signal. Being on the blinds, it's gonna be a tricky situation to deal with mind you. It would be a loss if he escaped through the blinds, you'd hate to break the blinds in the process of destroying the spider.
We've dealt with his kind before, a few weeks ago the Steeves had a vicious battle with a couple at their desk, with mixed results. The first spider met his death, but only after being trapped under a book and crushed several times, with the deathblow coming from a book smash including a Steev stomp on top. The second meeting came with a brave spider venturing out from his wall cavity. Steve attempted to book crush the bastard, but after just one miss the beast scurried home, never to be seen again.
Steve wants to think of a plan, and I decide to go straight for Steev. Crockett is telling Ancona about the spider while we're on our way, and Ancona sees the spider on the bathroom blinds from the kitchen/laundry room entrance. After inspecting a little further, he backs away, scratching his beard.
"We need a carton, something to scoop with, and some water. Go"
"This is why I wanted Steev, I knew he'd be able to handle this"
Steve began cutting the top off of a milk carton, for the scoop AND the carton. I grabbed a dish towel and turned the hot water on for Steve to start filling. Once filled, we head back into the bathroom.
Steve manned the bottom of the curtains, with Steev trying to scoop the spider into the milk carton flood.
Once done, Steve attempts to create a milk jug sized wave pool to end all wave pools by shaking the carton, panicked.
The ever-vigilant 8-legger hung steady to the walls, never failing, never falling.
I cover the top with the towel to ensure he stays in as Steve turns around, unsure of where to go.
"The water! The water!" Steev yells,and with the three of us in the tiny bathroom, it was loud.
Steve turns the bathroom faucet water on, and pushes the milk jug under the water, drowning the spider... hopefully.
Steve yells "I don't know what to do!"
"Flush him, Flush him!" - Steev
As I'm raising the toilet seat to be the spider's complete demise, I realize that in an effort to save myself from a cold shower, I forgot to flush my pre-shower poop, how embarassing.
Crockett backs away quickly, but remembers the task at hand.
"WHOAAAA!"
He eases back in, dumps the jug, careful not to spill, but aggressively enough to get out quick.
I flush the toilet, and the spider spins down along with everything else.