It's been too long...
Hey everyone out there. It's seriously been forever since I last posted a blog. So much has happened since I last wrote. I think the last post I wrote was about breaking up with David, and that was almost a year ago. I have a new boyfriend now. I suppose everyone knows that too considering Facebook broadcasts your life. It's hard though. Jasper is amazing, but he's so different from any guy I've been with. He's got this whole life outlook that is just weird. We get along so well, but we've been dating six months and he still doesn't love me. It's kind of weird because all the shit that David did crappily, Jasper does well, but the shit that David did so well and I got so accustomed to, Jasper sucks at. He can't express his feelings for me in an emotional way. He tells me he's into me, but then I get such mixed messages from him. Last night we had a talk about next year because he's going to be done with his MBA this May. I told him that it sucks because it feels like we have an expiration date on us. He proceeded to say, "But we've always had an expiration date". It's like, I know that, but you could at least try and make me feel better. It's like, why are we wasting our time falling in love with each other if you know it's just going to end in the next nine months? I told him it was hard for me to just let people go from my life when I feel they're particularly special and you know what he said? He tells me, " that's part of the game. You have to be ok with letting people come and go. You meet good people everywhere. There are so many people out there". It's weird because he talks about marriage, having kids, the whole nine yards with me, but when it comes to something that's actually tangible, he's more than willing to just give up. I mean, I understand that he's been hurt before, but I'm sorry. Get over it. Who hasn't been hurt? It's part of the game. It happens to everyone. It doesn't make him special. I have a feeling he's like that sex and the city guy who Samantha hooked up with...you know, the "we" guy. haha. I mean, I know I'll be ok. After David, I can handle anything, but it would be nice to have some sort of security. I guess I'll just have to wait it out until the end of the year, because right now, everything between us is easy and fun. I just wish he could picture himself in my future you know? I'm tired of feeling like I'm never good enough for the guys that I date. It always seems that I'm the one making the most effort. It's bullshit.