FUCK
OK, so I am typing this from Glanville because nobody is here to watch me since everyone leaves wednesdays. I like having the place to myself, getting paid for doing nothing. I have to do a mailing though, which will take me like 15 minutes, then drop it off at the mailroom. There is so much going through my head right now. I hate the fact that I'm losing touch with friends from NorCal, because I no longer live up North. I know I have a new life now, where I'm sure I will meet loads of new friends and have a great time, but I also feel sad to know that I'm leaving that other part of my life behind. It really feels like I'm growing up. I didn't even spend fourth of July at home, which is a first for me....ever. I always looked forward to seabright beach with al and Kristen and Laura and everyone. This year, nothing. Even the consistency of the French Kids coming every other summer has stopped. I haven't seen Laura S. for almost 4 years now, and it feels like the friendship disappears a little every year we don't see eachother. Each e-mail is further and further apart. I don't even think it's proper to call them "kids" anymore since Jeremy is almost 25, and benjamin is 24.
I also hate the fact that Al and Kristen and Steve and Ryan can find time to go camping in Yosemetie, but can't even come down once this summer to visit their friends. It seems like everyone's priorities are changing, and people are just really selfish. I've come up north when all I had was a day to spend with everyone. I made the effort, why can't they? It's not like they'd be seeing just me, I live with David, who by the way, nobody called on fourth of july to tell him thank you for risking his life, or just even to say hi...you'd think they'd think of the Marine on the fourth...Maybe not. I feel like i've moved on, and i guess i wanted everyone else to also, but it's just like they've forgotten about me. Even the friends I have that live close won't come out and visit. It's hard, when everything you want is right in front of you, and you'd rather just do that, than actually have to go slightly out of your way to do something else. I just feel like i've made the effort, why can't they? But then I'm sure once the school year starts, everyone will want to come over to take advantage of the food, and the cable and everything, and I almost want to just tell everyone to fuck off. I feel like David and I are clinging to each other just to be around other humans. I am so glad he's with me because otherwise i'd be crazy by now.
Then there's another part of me that's worried about the upcoming school year. Being a senior feels very surreal, I mean it seriously feels like i JUST graduated high school. seeing my sister at her orientation was equally unsettling, because i remember being in her position and thinking how old i felt. i still see her as a baby, but i am so happy that she is out of LG. I wish people would see it for what it is...a wasteland where only loser townies live. I wish everyone would experience something different, get out of their comfort zones. All my friends talk about wanting to have adventures, but i don't see anyone actually doing it!!! I am so freaked out about first semester because not only will i be working at the restaurant, but i'll also be taking 5 classes, an LSAT prep course, and playing the piano and singing all the time. i'm just nervous david will feel really rejected or something. For some reason i still feel like if he's home, i should be there with him too. I know he can entertain himself...after all, it's OUR place, not just mine, but i think it's just residuals from only getting to see him weekends (so seeing him is like a treat) and also from living on campus. When he would be alone, i would worry because he would be confined in my prison cell. Now he can come and go as he pleases, which is really nice. Living with him is so awesome. It couldn't be working out any more perfectly. Every time i have a insecure moment and break down crying, he always tells me how important communication is, he's so cute.
sex is another weird thing. I'm used to having a lot of it (or at least it seemed like a lot) but really it was only every weekend. I guess he can't keep up three times a day everyday. lol. So sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me when we go to bed without being tender. I worry that he's not as attracted to me anymore. He always tells me that it's not true. But the problems in our relationship have diminished to almost nothing. There are so many good times together...we laugh SO MUCH! He cracks me up. He's even gotten me into video games, we play a game called champions of norrath, which is tons of fun. He rents games that i would like...even though they're a little Japped out and super easy for him. He is superclean, which i knew, but kinda pushed to the back of my mind. He also cooks and does the dishes, which is fucking amazing because he cooks "like a fat kid" as he put it, so everything is always marinated or slow roasted.
I feel like my summer isn't really a summer, but a time to make money for the school year so i won't have to work as hard. I guess i envy my friends who are up north just making money so they can party with it. it kinda sucks. money, on the other hand, isn't an issue anymore. I am making SUCH good money as a server at the restaurant. I love my job. Everyone i work with is so cool. I was so sad to see my Manager Jay leave, but our new manager Scott is only 22, so he's pretty cool. I have 2 steady paychecks, one from the restaurant, and one from the music library, but i don't even use those paychecks, because i make about 75$ a day in tips at the restaurant. I like fast-paced work, if i'm at a desk too long, i tend to freak out. So, I think i got most of my ranting, crazy thoughts out of my head. Have a good day everyone.
I also hate the fact that Al and Kristen and Steve and Ryan can find time to go camping in Yosemetie, but can't even come down once this summer to visit their friends. It seems like everyone's priorities are changing, and people are just really selfish. I've come up north when all I had was a day to spend with everyone. I made the effort, why can't they? It's not like they'd be seeing just me, I live with David, who by the way, nobody called on fourth of july to tell him thank you for risking his life, or just even to say hi...you'd think they'd think of the Marine on the fourth...Maybe not. I feel like i've moved on, and i guess i wanted everyone else to also, but it's just like they've forgotten about me. Even the friends I have that live close won't come out and visit. It's hard, when everything you want is right in front of you, and you'd rather just do that, than actually have to go slightly out of your way to do something else. I just feel like i've made the effort, why can't they? But then I'm sure once the school year starts, everyone will want to come over to take advantage of the food, and the cable and everything, and I almost want to just tell everyone to fuck off. I feel like David and I are clinging to each other just to be around other humans. I am so glad he's with me because otherwise i'd be crazy by now.
Then there's another part of me that's worried about the upcoming school year. Being a senior feels very surreal, I mean it seriously feels like i JUST graduated high school. seeing my sister at her orientation was equally unsettling, because i remember being in her position and thinking how old i felt. i still see her as a baby, but i am so happy that she is out of LG. I wish people would see it for what it is...a wasteland where only loser townies live. I wish everyone would experience something different, get out of their comfort zones. All my friends talk about wanting to have adventures, but i don't see anyone actually doing it!!! I am so freaked out about first semester because not only will i be working at the restaurant, but i'll also be taking 5 classes, an LSAT prep course, and playing the piano and singing all the time. i'm just nervous david will feel really rejected or something. For some reason i still feel like if he's home, i should be there with him too. I know he can entertain himself...after all, it's OUR place, not just mine, but i think it's just residuals from only getting to see him weekends (so seeing him is like a treat) and also from living on campus. When he would be alone, i would worry because he would be confined in my prison cell. Now he can come and go as he pleases, which is really nice. Living with him is so awesome. It couldn't be working out any more perfectly. Every time i have a insecure moment and break down crying, he always tells me how important communication is, he's so cute.
sex is another weird thing. I'm used to having a lot of it (or at least it seemed like a lot) but really it was only every weekend. I guess he can't keep up three times a day everyday. lol. So sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me when we go to bed without being tender. I worry that he's not as attracted to me anymore. He always tells me that it's not true. But the problems in our relationship have diminished to almost nothing. There are so many good times together...we laugh SO MUCH! He cracks me up. He's even gotten me into video games, we play a game called champions of norrath, which is tons of fun. He rents games that i would like...even though they're a little Japped out and super easy for him. He is superclean, which i knew, but kinda pushed to the back of my mind. He also cooks and does the dishes, which is fucking amazing because he cooks "like a fat kid" as he put it, so everything is always marinated or slow roasted.
I feel like my summer isn't really a summer, but a time to make money for the school year so i won't have to work as hard. I guess i envy my friends who are up north just making money so they can party with it. it kinda sucks. money, on the other hand, isn't an issue anymore. I am making SUCH good money as a server at the restaurant. I love my job. Everyone i work with is so cool. I was so sad to see my Manager Jay leave, but our new manager Scott is only 22, so he's pretty cool. I have 2 steady paychecks, one from the restaurant, and one from the music library, but i don't even use those paychecks, because i make about 75$ a day in tips at the restaurant. I like fast-paced work, if i'm at a desk too long, i tend to freak out. So, I think i got most of my ranting, crazy thoughts out of my head. Have a good day everyone.