snow
title: snow
pairing: joonmyun x kyungsoo
genre: angst, au
word count: 3k+ words
disclaimer: i own nothing but the story because i'm poor
summary: twenty one balloons flew into the sky that day.
a/n: mildly inspired by shoujo jidai/girls' generation's time machine, one of my favorite songs from them. it made me all angsty but hopeful...? idk what my feels are doing right now because reading too much angst and character death and romance and fluff simultaneously really fucks up your train of thought ;n; you could listen to any depressing song you like while reaidng. just, anything to make this fic seem not as horrible as it really is.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
Light seeps through the gaps in Kyungsoo's curtains, and the boy wakes up from yet another restless slumber. Yawning, he glances at the calendar hanging from his bedroom door with bleary eyes and squints when all he sees is a blur of black and white. He tries to make out the bold black print printed on the piece of paper, and it takes a while for his vision to focus.
His heart clenches.
May 22
Sighing, he staggers toward the bathroom, the ceramic tiles cold against the soles of his feet. He peels off his clothes and steps into the shower, shivering when the water comes in contact with his bare skin. He doesn't turn on the heater though, because there was no point in trying to feel warm anymore. Every inch of his being, of his soul, was frozen solid.
“Wah, isn't this much better Kyungsoo?” a naked Joonmyun suddenly pipes up behind a lathering Kyungsoo, and the latter screams like a banshee, dropping his soap and probably his dignity. “Don't you love how the warm water feels on your skin?”
“I did not give you permission to get in the shower with me, Kim Joonmyun!” Kyungsoo screeches, glaring at the older boy through squinted eyes obscured by the soap bubbles adorning his face.
“But you love me!” Joonmyun smiles that smile that sends Kyungsoo's heart fluttering, picking up the dejected bar of soap off the tiled floor and rubbing Kyungsoo's back with soapy hands. “I don't need your permission!”
After he dries off, he pulls on a pair of jeans, a sweater, a coat and snow boots. He passes by his bedside table to grab his keys before he leaves, but an all too familiar photo frame tucked behind his untouched romance novels catches his eye. He picks it up, ghosting his trembling fingers over the photo, and sighs. It's a picture of him, smiling brightly with an awkward Kyungsoo tucked under his shoulder.
“Take a picture with me!” Joonmyun suddenly says, stopping them both in their tracks.
Kyungsoo stiffens. “N-no! You know how I am in front of cameras-”
“This is just for the two of us, Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun chuckles, draping an arm over the younger boy's shoulder. “No one else will see it!”
*click*
“See, it looks great!” Joonmyun says, practically shoving his cellphone into Kyungsoo's face. “Let's frame it up and put it in your apartment.”
Kyungsoo wonders why he hasn't thrown it out yet.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
A light blanket of snow covers the whole city of Seoul, and Kyungsoo glares at it half-heartedly before heading for the bakeshoppe across the street. He sighs, a small fog of air escaping his lips, and recalls the times when he actually liked snow.
➶ ➶ ➶
He was always one to play in the snow. He enjoyed the way tiny shards of ice would float down from the sky and melt when it comes in contact with him. He enjoyed making things out of the snow, whether it be snowmen or forts. He'd always get sick in the evening, but that never stopped him. After all, it was while playing in the snow that he met him. Joonmyun had thrown a snowball at Kyungsoo, and the latter cried because he thought the older boy was angry at him. Joonmyun had immediately rushed over to Kyungsoo's curled form, telling him to stop crying because “I just wanted to play with you! Please don't cry!”, and when Kyungsoo cried even harder, the older boy just pulled the weeping boy into a warm embrace.
Kyungsoo did stop crying eventually, and when they introduced themselves to each other with a bright “I'm Joonmyun!” and “I-I'm Kyungsoo! Hehe!”, they instantly became the best of friends.
They played in the snow almost everyday; and when the weather became unbearable, they would be wrapped in thick wool blankets in front of the television, watching cartoons for hours. They played with a lot of Kyungsoo's toys, and on days when Joonmyun would bring his own, the two would run around the house screaming and laughing until they fell asleep.
A few years later, on a cold, snowy night, Kyungsoo's mother passed away. He didn't know exactly what happened, but he knew that it was because of a car accident. That because the snow was too heavy and the roads were too slick and slippery, his mother had lost control over her vehicle and drove off a bridge.
Everyone was devastated, but Kyungsoo took it the worst. He cried for what seemed like weeks, locking himself inside his room for extended periods of time. He was angry at everything, constantly snapping at the poor soul that dared to enter his room or tried to talk to him. But what he was most angry at was the snow. It was the snow that took his mother away, and it was snow that made him feel like shit.
Joonmyun walked in on him cursing the snow for being so cruel to him, shouting profanities at whatever diety created the icy abomination in the first place. The older boy had gently pushed Kyungsoo down onto the bed, slipping into it with him and pulling the covers over both their heads.
They stayed quiet for a while, the sounds of their breathing filling the silence between them. When Kyungsoo had calmed down significantly, Joonmyun told a story about his mother and father, who left him with his aunt when he was still a baby, and how he missed them all the time.
“They never came back for me,” Joonmyun had whispered, smoothing Kyungsoo's messy hair with his hands. “I waited, but they never came back.”
Kyungsoo was about to cry and throw a fit again when Joonmyun decided to wrap his arms around the younger boy's trembling body. Kyungsoo breathed in, finding the faint smell of strawberries coming from Joonmyun comforting.
“I'd always feel very sad when I would wake up and they weren't there, but I didn't cry. If I cried, that would mean that I've had lost hope, and I don't wanna lose hope. So I did things that made me happy, that made me look forward to starting the day. When I play with you, it makes me happy, so I don't stop playing with you.” Joonmyun had paused then, feeling Kyungsoo calm down in his touch. He buried his face in the younger boy's hair before continuing. “If something makes you happy, never stop doing it. Being happy is what life is about, right?”
“I don't want to play in that frozen deathtrap anymore,” Kyungsoo had murmured into Joonmyun's chest, clutching the latter's shirt as if he was afraid Joonmyun would disappear if he let go. “It might take away something important away from me again.”
Joonmyun had laughed then, the vibration's reverberating from his body sent tingles down Kyungsoo's spine. “It was Mommy Do's time to go, Kyungsoo. She needs to be somewhere else, that's why she was taken away," Joonmyun paused then, pondering over something before continuing. "Sometimes, things happen and you will feel bad, but they always happen for a reason.”
“But, my mother-”
“I'm sure that she's watching over you and your sister right now, wherever she is,” Joonmyun had said. “And she wants you to be happy, even when she's not around.”
“So, I should keep playing” Kyungsoo whispers almost inaudibly, his voice muffled by the fabric of Joonmyun's shirt. “in the snow, to be happy?”
“Yep!” Joonmyun smiles, pulling away slightly to look at Kyungsoo. "That frozen deathtrap has always been special to you, to us; it makes us happy, and I'm sure Mommy Do wants that."
Kyungsoo sighs, and Joonmyun whispers into Kyungsoo's ear, soft lips touching the sensitive earlobe. "The snow won't take anything or anyone away from you ever again. I promise.
"Let's not stop playing in the snow, okay?”
“Okay.”
➶ ➶ ➶
He laughs bitterly when a snowflake makes it way onto his cheek.
You lied. The snow took you away from me too.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
The bakeshoppe hasn't changed a bit. It's still the same old dainty bakeshoppe, with its small, wooden tables and old, dusty portraits. Kyungsoo looks around the quaint shop he's been extremely accustomed to, and he could still picture him, them, here during Sunday afternoons before he was gone.
“Isn't this place great, Soo?” Joonmyun chimes, clutching the younger boy's hand in his. “And to think this was across your apartment the whole time!”
“I don't like pastries,” Kyungsoo shrugs, his free hand fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “especially cakes. I especially don't like cakes. I can't make one for my life, and I won't eat any as well.”
“Well, I love cakes,” Joonmyun grins, and the whole place brightens up immediately. At least, it did to Kyungsoo. “and you're going to eat some with me.”
“I'll have a strawberries and cream cake, please,” Kyungsoo says to the cashier, pulling out his wallet as the latter carefully sets a white box with a red bow in front of him.
You love strawberry cakes.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
Passing under a snow covered cherry blossom tree, he immediately spots the children's park a few meters away. The once cemented pavement was now blanketed by a thick sheet of snow, and everything, from the swings to the monkey bars, are dusted with the frozen precipitation.
“Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun shouts into the night, frantically searching for his bestfriend. “Kyungsoo, where are you?”
He stops when a snow-coated cherry blossom tree dumps a ton of snow on him, and while brushing everything off of his clothing, he takes notice of a figure, sitting forlornly on an immobile swing set.
He trudges his way through layers of snow, and upon recognizing who it was, quietly sits on the swing next to him.
“Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun whispers, lightly kicking snow away with his feet. “Why-”
“Do you l-like T-Taeyeon noona?” Kyungsoo croaks, eyeing the shadows the light post above them cast.
Joonmyun's eyes widen, and when he notices that Kyungsoo's wearing nothing but a thin cotton shirt and pants, he immediately wraps the younger boy in his winter coat. “Of course I do. She's my favorite sunbae!”
“That's n-not what I meant,” Kyungsoo mutters almost irritably, body shivering from the cold.
“Well,” Joonmyun says, shifting Kyungsoo slightly so he could sit beside the latter on the same swing. It was a tight fit, but neither of them complained. “no, I don't like her like that.”
“Oh...” Kyungsoo looks down at his feet, heaving a sigh of relief.
Joonmyun laughs in the dead of night, and his voice echoes throughout the empty playground. Kyungsoo looks up at him from his hunched position, a light flush on his nose and cheeks from the freezing temperature. Joonmyun looks down at him and his eyes have a twinkle that Kyungsoo's never seen before. It almost looks like he's crying, save for the joyous smile plastered on his face.
“Did you think I was in love with her?” Joonmyun laughs, slipping inside the winter coat with Kyungsoo and wrapping the latter's cold, trembling hands within his surprisingly warm ones.
Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, and instead appreciates the warmth Joonmyun's body emitted.
“I can't be in love with her, Soo-soo,” Joonmyun rests his head on the top of Kyungsoo's and unknowingly laces their fingers together under the thick wool coat. “that's what I have you for.”
“W-What?” Kyungsoo croaks, his eyes the size of tennis balls, and Joonmyun silences him with a chaste kiss on his chapped lips.
“I love you,” Joonmyun whispers, wrapping his arms around a now hyperventilating Kyungsoo. “I love you.”
Kyungsoo fights back the urge to run to the playground and sit on the swings, and wait for Joonmyun to come find him.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
He slips the bronze key into the old, worn doorknob of Joonmyun's front door. With a few strong tugs, the door budges open, and stale, stagnant air surges out of the opening with a whoosh.
Out of habit, Kyungsoo takes off his shoes and sets them beside the untouched hearth in the corner of the room. He taps the switch near the door to turn the lights on, and his eyes become glassy when they don't. He smiles sadly to himself, remembering that the landlord cut off the electricity when Joonmyun had "moved out."
He walks slowly towards the center of the living room, where Joonmyun's frighteningly ancient living room set is, and sets down the white box on the wooden coffee table. He plops himself down onto the worn down couch, half expecting a pair of arms to pull him into an embrace with a feathery “hey there, big eyes” being whispered in his right ear, and takes a deep breath. He swears he can still smell the scent of Joonmyun's strawberry shampoo wafting around the room, even though it's been a year since anyone had stepped into this place.
He takes the cake out of the box, lights the '22' candle perched on top of it with his pink lighter, and sings.
“Happy birthday to y-you,” Kyungsoo's voice trembles as he sings, dreaded tears on the verge of falling. “Happy b-birthday, dear Joonmyun,”
Don't cry. Joonmyun doesn't like it when you cry.
“H-Happy birthday to y-you...”
“Happy birthday, Joonmyunnie!” Kyungsoo yells as he unceremoniously barges into Joonmyun's apartment, a strawberry cake with extra vanilla icing and a crap load of chopped strawberries in both his hands. “You're old now!”
“I'm not old!” the startled 20, now 21 year old, laughs, hopping towards Kyungsoo with a loving smile on his face. “And you got me cake! You hate cake!”
“You love cake,” Kyungsoo says, adorning a small blush on his cheeks as he watches the older boy set the cake down on the coffee table carefully, like a newborn child or something. “and I love you, so I got you cake.”
“Aigooo!” Joonmyun giggles, taking Kyungsoo's face in his hands and squishing the pads of baby fat playfully. “My Kyungsoo is so cute!”
“Shtop it,” Kyungsoo blubbers with impaired speech caused by his cheeks being forcefully manhandled by his boyfriend, his face now totally red. He tries to pry the offending hands away from his face, but fails miserably. “I needa get t-the palloonsh!”
Joonmyun lets his hands fall and settle on the younger boy's waist, letting out a loud guffaw. “I'll take that as an 'I need to get the balloons'. Where are they?”
“In my car,” Kyungsoo says, pulling out the pink lighter Joonmyun had given him on his birthday, and lights the candles on the cake. “backseat.”
“Okay, I'll go get them,” Joonmyun chirps, sprinting out the door in a flash.
Kyungsoo runs out of the apartment, muffling heartwrenching sobs as he roughly pushes past clueless passersby. He races out onto the street, the street where his life fell apart, and the memories that come flooding into his consciousness open up fresh wounds that he thought had healed.
Kyungsoo sits on the carpeted floor with wide eyes, trying to rummage through his thoughts as if he forgot something important, and the candlelight gets put out by a strong gush of wind that seemed to have come from nowhere.
“Ugh, he forgot the keys!” he mumbles, sprinting down the flight of stairs with his car keys jingling in his pocket. There's a foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach, and anxiety washes over him like a bucket of water. He quickly yanks the lobby doors open, to see Joonmyun obliviously playing with the balloons in the middle of the street.
Kyungsoo heaves a sigh of relief, but the anxiety is still there, as if there's another reason for it. “What are you doing? Get back inside!”
“But it's snowing, Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun sings, swaying the balloons around in the air. “Don't you like playing in the snow?”
“Not now,” Kyungsoo nags, trudging over to the sidewalk, a few feet from where Joonmyun was playing. “not in the middle of the street! Don't you want to eat your cake?”
“Play with me!” Joonmyun tugs on the balloons, making them bop up and down, and Kyungsoo giggles in amusement.”The cake can wait!”
“Okay,” Kyungsoo laughs, heading back towards the building. “just let me get your coat an-”
Neither hear the truck coming. Just a loud honk, a deafening screech, and a earsplitting crash.
Neither hear the bystanders' cries of horror.
Neither hear Kyungsoo's screams of 'I love you' and 'don't leave me'.
Neither hear Joonmyun whisper an 'I'll wait for you' before falling limp in Kyungsoo's arms.
Neither hear Kyungsoo's shrieks as the medics drape a white blanket over Joonmyun's body.
Neither got to eat the cake.
Neither got to celebrate Joonmyun's 21st birthday.
...
Twenty one balloons flew into the sky that day.
And neither got to play in the snow.
Kyungsoo runs into the middle of the road, screaming.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
He tries to make out what he's seeing, but something is clouding his vision, and he sees nothing but a blur of white. His head is pounding, and he hears nothing but a muffled crackle of static. He feels the same strong gush of cold air he had felt that day, and it blows past him, ruffling his clothes with it.
“It's cold,” he tries to say, but it comes out of his throat as a silent croak. He clears his throat, swallowing saliva to moisten his dry throat, and tries to speak out again.
“Where am I?”
The cold gush of air blows past him again, and Kyungsoo shivers. Where was he? And why couldn't he see anything?
He feels something ice cold float onto the exposed skin of his neck and arms, and he wonders where the coat he wore before heading out was.
He brings a finger to the cold substance, and it turns into water when they touch.
“Snow?”
He starts blinking rapidly because he seems to be regaining his vision, and although everything's hazy and unclear, he knows that's there's someone in front of him.
“W-who's there?”
Kyungsoo is pulled into a warm embrace, a pair of arms encircling his waist and a pair of soft lips against his. He gasps, his heart lodging in his throat, because the gentle arms around him, the lips pressed onto his, the warm body against his own, the faint scent of strawberries; they were all too familiar to him.
When a voice speaks, he bursts into tears.
“I waited for you.”
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
yay thank you for reading through my extremely horrible word vomit. i hope your eyes didn't bleed and your brains didn't weep ;u;
critiques are very welcome! please insult me like a slut
anyway, i really want to continue writing, but college is a huge bitch, so yeah. lots of free time during wednesdays though, so let's see.
and my otps are perfect, ok. sudo is perfect even tho it's very not-canon. it's perfect because short parental couple. your arguments are invalid.
...someone should really take my computer away from me when i'm half asleep and painfully incoherent -u-
pairing: joonmyun x kyungsoo
genre: angst, au
word count: 3k+ words
disclaimer: i own nothing but the story because i'm poor
summary: twenty one balloons flew into the sky that day.
a/n: mildly inspired by shoujo jidai/girls' generation's time machine, one of my favorite songs from them. it made me all angsty but hopeful...? idk what my feels are doing right now because reading too much angst and character death and romance and fluff simultaneously really fucks up your train of thought ;n; you could listen to any depressing song you like while reaidng. just, anything to make this fic seem not as horrible as it really is.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
Light seeps through the gaps in Kyungsoo's curtains, and the boy wakes up from yet another restless slumber. Yawning, he glances at the calendar hanging from his bedroom door with bleary eyes and squints when all he sees is a blur of black and white. He tries to make out the bold black print printed on the piece of paper, and it takes a while for his vision to focus.
His heart clenches.
May 22
Sighing, he staggers toward the bathroom, the ceramic tiles cold against the soles of his feet. He peels off his clothes and steps into the shower, shivering when the water comes in contact with his bare skin. He doesn't turn on the heater though, because there was no point in trying to feel warm anymore. Every inch of his being, of his soul, was frozen solid.
“Wah, isn't this much better Kyungsoo?” a naked Joonmyun suddenly pipes up behind a lathering Kyungsoo, and the latter screams like a banshee, dropping his soap and probably his dignity. “Don't you love how the warm water feels on your skin?”
“I did not give you permission to get in the shower with me, Kim Joonmyun!” Kyungsoo screeches, glaring at the older boy through squinted eyes obscured by the soap bubbles adorning his face.
“But you love me!” Joonmyun smiles that smile that sends Kyungsoo's heart fluttering, picking up the dejected bar of soap off the tiled floor and rubbing Kyungsoo's back with soapy hands. “I don't need your permission!”
After he dries off, he pulls on a pair of jeans, a sweater, a coat and snow boots. He passes by his bedside table to grab his keys before he leaves, but an all too familiar photo frame tucked behind his untouched romance novels catches his eye. He picks it up, ghosting his trembling fingers over the photo, and sighs. It's a picture of him, smiling brightly with an awkward Kyungsoo tucked under his shoulder.
“Take a picture with me!” Joonmyun suddenly says, stopping them both in their tracks.
Kyungsoo stiffens. “N-no! You know how I am in front of cameras-”
“This is just for the two of us, Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun chuckles, draping an arm over the younger boy's shoulder. “No one else will see it!”
*click*
“See, it looks great!” Joonmyun says, practically shoving his cellphone into Kyungsoo's face. “Let's frame it up and put it in your apartment.”
Kyungsoo wonders why he hasn't thrown it out yet.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
A light blanket of snow covers the whole city of Seoul, and Kyungsoo glares at it half-heartedly before heading for the bakeshoppe across the street. He sighs, a small fog of air escaping his lips, and recalls the times when he actually liked snow.
➶ ➶ ➶
He was always one to play in the snow. He enjoyed the way tiny shards of ice would float down from the sky and melt when it comes in contact with him. He enjoyed making things out of the snow, whether it be snowmen or forts. He'd always get sick in the evening, but that never stopped him. After all, it was while playing in the snow that he met him. Joonmyun had thrown a snowball at Kyungsoo, and the latter cried because he thought the older boy was angry at him. Joonmyun had immediately rushed over to Kyungsoo's curled form, telling him to stop crying because “I just wanted to play with you! Please don't cry!”, and when Kyungsoo cried even harder, the older boy just pulled the weeping boy into a warm embrace.
Kyungsoo did stop crying eventually, and when they introduced themselves to each other with a bright “I'm Joonmyun!” and “I-I'm Kyungsoo! Hehe!”, they instantly became the best of friends.
They played in the snow almost everyday; and when the weather became unbearable, they would be wrapped in thick wool blankets in front of the television, watching cartoons for hours. They played with a lot of Kyungsoo's toys, and on days when Joonmyun would bring his own, the two would run around the house screaming and laughing until they fell asleep.
A few years later, on a cold, snowy night, Kyungsoo's mother passed away. He didn't know exactly what happened, but he knew that it was because of a car accident. That because the snow was too heavy and the roads were too slick and slippery, his mother had lost control over her vehicle and drove off a bridge.
Everyone was devastated, but Kyungsoo took it the worst. He cried for what seemed like weeks, locking himself inside his room for extended periods of time. He was angry at everything, constantly snapping at the poor soul that dared to enter his room or tried to talk to him. But what he was most angry at was the snow. It was the snow that took his mother away, and it was snow that made him feel like shit.
Joonmyun walked in on him cursing the snow for being so cruel to him, shouting profanities at whatever diety created the icy abomination in the first place. The older boy had gently pushed Kyungsoo down onto the bed, slipping into it with him and pulling the covers over both their heads.
They stayed quiet for a while, the sounds of their breathing filling the silence between them. When Kyungsoo had calmed down significantly, Joonmyun told a story about his mother and father, who left him with his aunt when he was still a baby, and how he missed them all the time.
“They never came back for me,” Joonmyun had whispered, smoothing Kyungsoo's messy hair with his hands. “I waited, but they never came back.”
Kyungsoo was about to cry and throw a fit again when Joonmyun decided to wrap his arms around the younger boy's trembling body. Kyungsoo breathed in, finding the faint smell of strawberries coming from Joonmyun comforting.
“I'd always feel very sad when I would wake up and they weren't there, but I didn't cry. If I cried, that would mean that I've had lost hope, and I don't wanna lose hope. So I did things that made me happy, that made me look forward to starting the day. When I play with you, it makes me happy, so I don't stop playing with you.” Joonmyun had paused then, feeling Kyungsoo calm down in his touch. He buried his face in the younger boy's hair before continuing. “If something makes you happy, never stop doing it. Being happy is what life is about, right?”
“I don't want to play in that frozen deathtrap anymore,” Kyungsoo had murmured into Joonmyun's chest, clutching the latter's shirt as if he was afraid Joonmyun would disappear if he let go. “It might take away something important away from me again.”
Joonmyun had laughed then, the vibration's reverberating from his body sent tingles down Kyungsoo's spine. “It was Mommy Do's time to go, Kyungsoo. She needs to be somewhere else, that's why she was taken away," Joonmyun paused then, pondering over something before continuing. "Sometimes, things happen and you will feel bad, but they always happen for a reason.”
“But, my mother-”
“I'm sure that she's watching over you and your sister right now, wherever she is,” Joonmyun had said. “And she wants you to be happy, even when she's not around.”
“So, I should keep playing” Kyungsoo whispers almost inaudibly, his voice muffled by the fabric of Joonmyun's shirt. “in the snow, to be happy?”
“Yep!” Joonmyun smiles, pulling away slightly to look at Kyungsoo. "That frozen deathtrap has always been special to you, to us; it makes us happy, and I'm sure Mommy Do wants that."
Kyungsoo sighs, and Joonmyun whispers into Kyungsoo's ear, soft lips touching the sensitive earlobe. "The snow won't take anything or anyone away from you ever again. I promise.
"Let's not stop playing in the snow, okay?”
“Okay.”
➶ ➶ ➶
He laughs bitterly when a snowflake makes it way onto his cheek.
You lied. The snow took you away from me too.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
The bakeshoppe hasn't changed a bit. It's still the same old dainty bakeshoppe, with its small, wooden tables and old, dusty portraits. Kyungsoo looks around the quaint shop he's been extremely accustomed to, and he could still picture him, them, here during Sunday afternoons before he was gone.
“Isn't this place great, Soo?” Joonmyun chimes, clutching the younger boy's hand in his. “And to think this was across your apartment the whole time!”
“I don't like pastries,” Kyungsoo shrugs, his free hand fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “especially cakes. I especially don't like cakes. I can't make one for my life, and I won't eat any as well.”
“Well, I love cakes,” Joonmyun grins, and the whole place brightens up immediately. At least, it did to Kyungsoo. “and you're going to eat some with me.”
“I'll have a strawberries and cream cake, please,” Kyungsoo says to the cashier, pulling out his wallet as the latter carefully sets a white box with a red bow in front of him.
You love strawberry cakes.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
Passing under a snow covered cherry blossom tree, he immediately spots the children's park a few meters away. The once cemented pavement was now blanketed by a thick sheet of snow, and everything, from the swings to the monkey bars, are dusted with the frozen precipitation.
“Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun shouts into the night, frantically searching for his bestfriend. “Kyungsoo, where are you?”
He stops when a snow-coated cherry blossom tree dumps a ton of snow on him, and while brushing everything off of his clothing, he takes notice of a figure, sitting forlornly on an immobile swing set.
He trudges his way through layers of snow, and upon recognizing who it was, quietly sits on the swing next to him.
“Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun whispers, lightly kicking snow away with his feet. “Why-”
“Do you l-like T-Taeyeon noona?” Kyungsoo croaks, eyeing the shadows the light post above them cast.
Joonmyun's eyes widen, and when he notices that Kyungsoo's wearing nothing but a thin cotton shirt and pants, he immediately wraps the younger boy in his winter coat. “Of course I do. She's my favorite sunbae!”
“That's n-not what I meant,” Kyungsoo mutters almost irritably, body shivering from the cold.
“Well,” Joonmyun says, shifting Kyungsoo slightly so he could sit beside the latter on the same swing. It was a tight fit, but neither of them complained. “no, I don't like her like that.”
“Oh...” Kyungsoo looks down at his feet, heaving a sigh of relief.
Joonmyun laughs in the dead of night, and his voice echoes throughout the empty playground. Kyungsoo looks up at him from his hunched position, a light flush on his nose and cheeks from the freezing temperature. Joonmyun looks down at him and his eyes have a twinkle that Kyungsoo's never seen before. It almost looks like he's crying, save for the joyous smile plastered on his face.
“Did you think I was in love with her?” Joonmyun laughs, slipping inside the winter coat with Kyungsoo and wrapping the latter's cold, trembling hands within his surprisingly warm ones.
Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, and instead appreciates the warmth Joonmyun's body emitted.
“I can't be in love with her, Soo-soo,” Joonmyun rests his head on the top of Kyungsoo's and unknowingly laces their fingers together under the thick wool coat. “that's what I have you for.”
“W-What?” Kyungsoo croaks, his eyes the size of tennis balls, and Joonmyun silences him with a chaste kiss on his chapped lips.
“I love you,” Joonmyun whispers, wrapping his arms around a now hyperventilating Kyungsoo. “I love you.”
Kyungsoo fights back the urge to run to the playground and sit on the swings, and wait for Joonmyun to come find him.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
He slips the bronze key into the old, worn doorknob of Joonmyun's front door. With a few strong tugs, the door budges open, and stale, stagnant air surges out of the opening with a whoosh.
Out of habit, Kyungsoo takes off his shoes and sets them beside the untouched hearth in the corner of the room. He taps the switch near the door to turn the lights on, and his eyes become glassy when they don't. He smiles sadly to himself, remembering that the landlord cut off the electricity when Joonmyun had "moved out."
He walks slowly towards the center of the living room, where Joonmyun's frighteningly ancient living room set is, and sets down the white box on the wooden coffee table. He plops himself down onto the worn down couch, half expecting a pair of arms to pull him into an embrace with a feathery “hey there, big eyes” being whispered in his right ear, and takes a deep breath. He swears he can still smell the scent of Joonmyun's strawberry shampoo wafting around the room, even though it's been a year since anyone had stepped into this place.
He takes the cake out of the box, lights the '22' candle perched on top of it with his pink lighter, and sings.
“Happy birthday to y-you,” Kyungsoo's voice trembles as he sings, dreaded tears on the verge of falling. “Happy b-birthday, dear Joonmyun,”
Don't cry. Joonmyun doesn't like it when you cry.
“H-Happy birthday to y-you...”
“Happy birthday, Joonmyunnie!” Kyungsoo yells as he unceremoniously barges into Joonmyun's apartment, a strawberry cake with extra vanilla icing and a crap load of chopped strawberries in both his hands. “You're old now!”
“I'm not old!” the startled 20, now 21 year old, laughs, hopping towards Kyungsoo with a loving smile on his face. “And you got me cake! You hate cake!”
“You love cake,” Kyungsoo says, adorning a small blush on his cheeks as he watches the older boy set the cake down on the coffee table carefully, like a newborn child or something. “and I love you, so I got you cake.”
“Aigooo!” Joonmyun giggles, taking Kyungsoo's face in his hands and squishing the pads of baby fat playfully. “My Kyungsoo is so cute!”
“Shtop it,” Kyungsoo blubbers with impaired speech caused by his cheeks being forcefully manhandled by his boyfriend, his face now totally red. He tries to pry the offending hands away from his face, but fails miserably. “I needa get t-the palloonsh!”
Joonmyun lets his hands fall and settle on the younger boy's waist, letting out a loud guffaw. “I'll take that as an 'I need to get the balloons'. Where are they?”
“In my car,” Kyungsoo says, pulling out the pink lighter Joonmyun had given him on his birthday, and lights the candles on the cake. “backseat.”
“Okay, I'll go get them,” Joonmyun chirps, sprinting out the door in a flash.
Kyungsoo runs out of the apartment, muffling heartwrenching sobs as he roughly pushes past clueless passersby. He races out onto the street, the street where his life fell apart, and the memories that come flooding into his consciousness open up fresh wounds that he thought had healed.
Kyungsoo sits on the carpeted floor with wide eyes, trying to rummage through his thoughts as if he forgot something important, and the candlelight gets put out by a strong gush of wind that seemed to have come from nowhere.
“Ugh, he forgot the keys!” he mumbles, sprinting down the flight of stairs with his car keys jingling in his pocket. There's a foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach, and anxiety washes over him like a bucket of water. He quickly yanks the lobby doors open, to see Joonmyun obliviously playing with the balloons in the middle of the street.
Kyungsoo heaves a sigh of relief, but the anxiety is still there, as if there's another reason for it. “What are you doing? Get back inside!”
“But it's snowing, Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun sings, swaying the balloons around in the air. “Don't you like playing in the snow?”
“Not now,” Kyungsoo nags, trudging over to the sidewalk, a few feet from where Joonmyun was playing. “not in the middle of the street! Don't you want to eat your cake?”
“Play with me!” Joonmyun tugs on the balloons, making them bop up and down, and Kyungsoo giggles in amusement.”The cake can wait!”
“Okay,” Kyungsoo laughs, heading back towards the building. “just let me get your coat an-”
Neither hear the truck coming. Just a loud honk, a deafening screech, and a earsplitting crash.
Neither hear the bystanders' cries of horror.
Neither hear Kyungsoo's screams of 'I love you' and 'don't leave me'.
Neither hear Joonmyun whisper an 'I'll wait for you' before falling limp in Kyungsoo's arms.
Neither hear Kyungsoo's shrieks as the medics drape a white blanket over Joonmyun's body.
Neither got to eat the cake.
Neither got to celebrate Joonmyun's 21st birthday.
...
Twenty one balloons flew into the sky that day.
And neither got to play in the snow.
Kyungsoo runs into the middle of the road, screaming.
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
He tries to make out what he's seeing, but something is clouding his vision, and he sees nothing but a blur of white. His head is pounding, and he hears nothing but a muffled crackle of static. He feels the same strong gush of cold air he had felt that day, and it blows past him, ruffling his clothes with it.
“It's cold,” he tries to say, but it comes out of his throat as a silent croak. He clears his throat, swallowing saliva to moisten his dry throat, and tries to speak out again.
“Where am I?”
The cold gush of air blows past him again, and Kyungsoo shivers. Where was he? And why couldn't he see anything?
He feels something ice cold float onto the exposed skin of his neck and arms, and he wonders where the coat he wore before heading out was.
He brings a finger to the cold substance, and it turns into water when they touch.
“Snow?”
He starts blinking rapidly because he seems to be regaining his vision, and although everything's hazy and unclear, he knows that's there's someone in front of him.
“W-who's there?”
Kyungsoo is pulled into a warm embrace, a pair of arms encircling his waist and a pair of soft lips against his. He gasps, his heart lodging in his throat, because the gentle arms around him, the lips pressed onto his, the warm body against his own, the faint scent of strawberries; they were all too familiar to him.
When a voice speaks, he bursts into tears.
“I waited for you.”
➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶ ➶
yay thank you for reading through my extremely horrible word vomit. i hope your eyes didn't bleed and your brains didn't weep ;u;
critiques are very welcome! please insult me like a slut
anyway, i really want to continue writing, but college is a huge bitch, so yeah. lots of free time during wednesdays though, so let's see.
and my otps are perfect, ok. sudo is perfect even tho it's very not-canon. it's perfect because short parental couple. your arguments are invalid.
...someone should really take my computer away from me when i'm half asleep and painfully incoherent -u-