Worst fears realized
I'm keeping it short because I'm starting typing this at two in the morning. First, the good news. Those visions I wrote about that hit me last weekend have finally slowed down. I only had one minor breakdown today, but I made it through most of the day without experiencing a vision. I guess that's good news.
This isn't bad news, but it's something. I don't know how to file it though. I've received all the information I can handle from my friends and parents. The people who really care about me and my mental health have told me what I need to hear. The question now is if I will allow myself to do what is natural, or if I should step out of character and do what my friends are suggesting...
Kim feels the need to talk to me.
It could be about anything. Maybe she actually does have a scrap of feelings for me, just enough to not want to see me hurt so badly. Maybe she wants to respond to my writing about her or Carl. Maybe she wants to just yell at me for being so public. I have no idea. Ultimately, it's my decision, but it's such a hard one. She's probably fine with how her life is going, so why talk to me? I should just go talk to her and promise myself if things start going bad, I need to get out of there before I say something or hear something that would worsen my situation. Besides, intentionally not talking to her is a form of recognition that she is something higher than everyone else. I have tried so hard over the past week to treat her like nothing special, I believe I have a chance to talk to her without feeling the love I had for her. I don't know what will happen once I see her though. Could all the malice be replaced by one look at her? Decisions...
I'm leaning toward talking.
This isn't bad news, but it's something. I don't know how to file it though. I've received all the information I can handle from my friends and parents. The people who really care about me and my mental health have told me what I need to hear. The question now is if I will allow myself to do what is natural, or if I should step out of character and do what my friends are suggesting...
Kim feels the need to talk to me.
It could be about anything. Maybe she actually does have a scrap of feelings for me, just enough to not want to see me hurt so badly. Maybe she wants to respond to my writing about her or Carl. Maybe she wants to just yell at me for being so public. I have no idea. Ultimately, it's my decision, but it's such a hard one. She's probably fine with how her life is going, so why talk to me? I should just go talk to her and promise myself if things start going bad, I need to get out of there before I say something or hear something that would worsen my situation. Besides, intentionally not talking to her is a form of recognition that she is something higher than everyone else. I have tried so hard over the past week to treat her like nothing special, I believe I have a chance to talk to her without feeling the love I had for her. I don't know what will happen once I see her though. Could all the malice be replaced by one look at her? Decisions...
I'm leaning toward talking.