It's been awhile
I
haven't thrown my piece into the fight for the "nice guys" in quite
some time, but I just saw a new article on CollegeHumor and I thought
about what it means to me. I think it's informative enough to
finally allow me to say something about nice guys. Anyways,
here's the article, a little background reading, shouldn't take you
much more than two and a half minutes and besides, you're checking lj's
so you got nothing else to do now. Read -->
www.cavalierdaily.com/CVarticle.asp?ID=24057&pid=1324
So what did we find out from reading this article? First off, the determining factors of being a "nice guy". It's not genetic and it's not a disorder, but it is a frame of mind. If you have the "nice guy" (hereby known as NG) syndrome, then the symptoms are listed one through six. The first one kinda sucks, because it's defining the NG by using the word, but the other five do a fine job. I can honestly say that I apply to all five of the above symptoms and I'm not trying to be a hypocondriac here either. I am what I am. Secondly, the next most important thing is probably the best thing you can take away from this article. What do girls really mean when they say things like "You're like a brother to me" or "Can we just be friends?". They didn't care about your potential. No matter what, women have this imbedded sense of long lasting relationship kinda drive... for the most part, they're relationship oriented and unfortunatley, flashing lights and loud whistles can sometimes distract them from the harsh reality that geeky guys who care about people other than themselves are usually the best off in the long run. They never take the time to figure out if you're "worth their time" or whatever else. You could be the best kisser in the world, give the greatest backrubs and you might turn out to be vastly rich because of your massive intellect, but that takes time to understand, whereas these girls only give you a passing glance. We'll get with how to deal with this in a minute.
So this brings me to numba three. The most often used rejection lines. Let's begin with the "It's not that I don't care, I just don't know what I want". If you're in a relationship with a girl aged 18-25, literally, all of the neurons in her brain SHOULD be connected by now, she should be able to see things clearly and she should be logical. If she gives you this line, she's not worth your time at the moment because she's either illogical (turnoff) or she's immature. I'm dead serious, their brains are not working properly if things seem crystal clear and they still don't work out. Moving on. "Really good for each other, don't want a long-term realtionship" can be an understandable statement given the right circumstances. That's why I chose to look at this article, because it's not a "girls are dumb" bashing article, but rather, it excuses some of the things that don't go the NG's way. Still, rejecting the thing that makes you happy doesn't make much sense. If there's something else on her mind, then make sure you're there for her and are able to help her through it if you really care about her. If not, then move on, she doesn't want you buckaroo. The last one "I want to get all the party out of my system" is a big whopper. I totally agree with the author of this article in saying that living in the moment and not thinking about consequences and regrets you may have in the future is so depressing that it's not even funny. Seriously, everyone has to grow up sometime and trying to hang on to the college party years for as long as you can only prolongs the adultification stage until you wind up a 28 year old who has nothing important to say, get's rejected all the time and wonder's what went wrong and why she can't find anyone significant. That is soooo sad, but so true at the same time.
At the beginning of the article, it says that three or four years into your college experience, you will find that some of the girls who wouldn't give you the time of day before in your freshman and sophomore years are now becoming more attracted to you. What's the advice from this article? Turn them bitches down. It's time to send a message out. I hope they're not happy. I hope they turn into those thirty-something women who did nothing but go party and cared not for thinking of the future. You have the opportunity to be miles ahead of the rest of the crew now, by becoming what every NG eventually becomes... successful. The guys who qualify for NG's are, more often than not, the kind of guy that becomes successful and highly desired when they're older. Reference "Revenge of the Nerds" if you wish, without all the Hollywood glamour. Why would you want someone who thinks she can get whatever she wants because that's what she's used to anyways? There's plenty of girls worthy of your time and Mrs. Bandwagon isn't one of them. Define your limits of what kind of person you want to be with and then go find her... she's out there somewhere, so the article says. I have learned from personal experience and much getting yelled at through my livejournal and other mediums that, in fact, there are lots of people who don't fit into the "I wanna have fun and get pounded harder than any nail in the floor I stand on" standard that I'm talking about here. I know, you don't have to tell me. I've met those good people. I've been in good standing with those good people. I've dated those good people.
I guess the moral of the story is to hang in there and when you get the chance, make life better for those following you. It only makes sense that when you stick around and people can see your true potential, they are then able to say "Wait, I made a mistake, he turned out very well... I guess I'll give him a try now". You don't have to be appreciated now, though, when you've become the person that nobody believed you could be. When you see through all the bullshit that some of these people offer, make sure you don't let them in on your life and your little slice of perfection. Don't shortsell yourself. I guess it's a roundabout way of saying this, but you're smart enough, you're funny enough and gosh darnit, you're worth it.
So what did we find out from reading this article? First off, the determining factors of being a "nice guy". It's not genetic and it's not a disorder, but it is a frame of mind. If you have the "nice guy" (hereby known as NG) syndrome, then the symptoms are listed one through six. The first one kinda sucks, because it's defining the NG by using the word, but the other five do a fine job. I can honestly say that I apply to all five of the above symptoms and I'm not trying to be a hypocondriac here either. I am what I am. Secondly, the next most important thing is probably the best thing you can take away from this article. What do girls really mean when they say things like "You're like a brother to me" or "Can we just be friends?". They didn't care about your potential. No matter what, women have this imbedded sense of long lasting relationship kinda drive... for the most part, they're relationship oriented and unfortunatley, flashing lights and loud whistles can sometimes distract them from the harsh reality that geeky guys who care about people other than themselves are usually the best off in the long run. They never take the time to figure out if you're "worth their time" or whatever else. You could be the best kisser in the world, give the greatest backrubs and you might turn out to be vastly rich because of your massive intellect, but that takes time to understand, whereas these girls only give you a passing glance. We'll get with how to deal with this in a minute.
So this brings me to numba three. The most often used rejection lines. Let's begin with the "It's not that I don't care, I just don't know what I want". If you're in a relationship with a girl aged 18-25, literally, all of the neurons in her brain SHOULD be connected by now, she should be able to see things clearly and she should be logical. If she gives you this line, she's not worth your time at the moment because she's either illogical (turnoff) or she's immature. I'm dead serious, their brains are not working properly if things seem crystal clear and they still don't work out. Moving on. "Really good for each other, don't want a long-term realtionship" can be an understandable statement given the right circumstances. That's why I chose to look at this article, because it's not a "girls are dumb" bashing article, but rather, it excuses some of the things that don't go the NG's way. Still, rejecting the thing that makes you happy doesn't make much sense. If there's something else on her mind, then make sure you're there for her and are able to help her through it if you really care about her. If not, then move on, she doesn't want you buckaroo. The last one "I want to get all the party out of my system" is a big whopper. I totally agree with the author of this article in saying that living in the moment and not thinking about consequences and regrets you may have in the future is so depressing that it's not even funny. Seriously, everyone has to grow up sometime and trying to hang on to the college party years for as long as you can only prolongs the adultification stage until you wind up a 28 year old who has nothing important to say, get's rejected all the time and wonder's what went wrong and why she can't find anyone significant. That is soooo sad, but so true at the same time.
At the beginning of the article, it says that three or four years into your college experience, you will find that some of the girls who wouldn't give you the time of day before in your freshman and sophomore years are now becoming more attracted to you. What's the advice from this article? Turn them bitches down. It's time to send a message out. I hope they're not happy. I hope they turn into those thirty-something women who did nothing but go party and cared not for thinking of the future. You have the opportunity to be miles ahead of the rest of the crew now, by becoming what every NG eventually becomes... successful. The guys who qualify for NG's are, more often than not, the kind of guy that becomes successful and highly desired when they're older. Reference "Revenge of the Nerds" if you wish, without all the Hollywood glamour. Why would you want someone who thinks she can get whatever she wants because that's what she's used to anyways? There's plenty of girls worthy of your time and Mrs. Bandwagon isn't one of them. Define your limits of what kind of person you want to be with and then go find her... she's out there somewhere, so the article says. I have learned from personal experience and much getting yelled at through my livejournal and other mediums that, in fact, there are lots of people who don't fit into the "I wanna have fun and get pounded harder than any nail in the floor I stand on" standard that I'm talking about here. I know, you don't have to tell me. I've met those good people. I've been in good standing with those good people. I've dated those good people.
I guess the moral of the story is to hang in there and when you get the chance, make life better for those following you. It only makes sense that when you stick around and people can see your true potential, they are then able to say "Wait, I made a mistake, he turned out very well... I guess I'll give him a try now". You don't have to be appreciated now, though, when you've become the person that nobody believed you could be. When you see through all the bullshit that some of these people offer, make sure you don't let them in on your life and your little slice of perfection. Don't shortsell yourself. I guess it's a roundabout way of saying this, but you're smart enough, you're funny enough and gosh darnit, you're worth it.