it would have been 1 year n` one month tomorrow..

[sunxokissed]

have u ever been with that one guy that u knew he was the one ? well i felt that for a year. he was different than any other guy i have ever been with. i wanted to spend forever and more with him. we had been fighting for a bit n` i guess i wasn`t giving him the attention he wanted. i wish he would have just told me that n` we could have worked it out but no of course not. i loved him with all my heart and i will NEVER forget about him. 10 years from now i`ll still be talking about the best year of my life. i dont think i could ever find a guy that ever made me feel like he did. i don`t even want to picture my life without, it just seems so incomplete. he made me feel beautiful on my worst days. he was the one i could call at 3 am if something was wrong with me n` stay up all night talking to me to make sure i was okay. i only saw him on the weekends n` yah i wish i saw him more but i didn`t care about those liddle things like having a boyfriend at school n` stuff as long i was with him it never mattered. i was looking forward to doing all the things we planned in life. moving in together.. getting married.. having kids.. i KNEW we would do it too. i wanna say that i don`t want to wait for him but i don`t want to lose something that was so good. but if he can hurt me so much after a year n` obviously not feel guilty then why should i wait right ? everyone tells me i`d be stupid for even thinking about taking him back but i know him n` i kno this gurl just has a spell over him right now n` after she gets what she wants out of him she`ll leave to the next guy. i want everything to be like it was before all this happened. he was my boyfriend and not to mention my best friend. we had a blast together everytime we hung out. his kisses made me go out of this world. when i layed with him i could just tell this is the man for me. i love him with all my heart but this is all so hard n` confusing.. i d k what to do. i haven`t eaten in almost 3 days.. i passed out in 4th block today.. i`m just not the happy go lucky gurl i was when i was with him. the happiest times in my life were spent with him n` i`ll never forget them. if we`re meant to be then we`ll get back together.. but i`m just so scared.. scared about life.. scared about if we`ll never be the way we were or even together again. life is just so unexpected u never know. i hope and pray we`ll be together again cuz i`ve known in my heart since day one he`s the one for me. i feel like he died or something.. i just feel so alone in this world. i want to thank all my friends for helping me through.. i d k where i would be without u guys. u r my back bone in this terrible time. i won`t have my cell on but u guys can always call n` leave messages.. later everyone. i love all my friends xoxoxo !!

u`ll always be in my heart abby baby no matter what.. July 12, 2004