I still ask myself... SUPERMAN?!
For the last few minutes I have debated with myself whether or not I should post this entry to sunspots_ha. It is in fact lifted verbatim from my personal RL journal, and is written with much candor. I debate including it here because I don't want to upset anyone, but at the same time, honesty is usually best. Please read it, and offer me anything you can think of, even if it's just encouragement.
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I have written, thought, and spoken at length about the world of fanfiction for many years. I have intellectualized it, made fun of it, partaken in it and read it for what I now believe is upwards of nine years. Over the last single year, however, I have asked myself one very important question, and now (in response to an innocent yet very significant question asked by jammyjar ) I am going to explore it with all of you:
Why Superman?
or
The ambiguous future of Sunspots
I have been asking myself two questions, really. Why did I never write until Superman, and then, why Superman?
When I look at the list of interests on my LJ profile, the various mentions of "Superman" there are actually very odd for my eye to see. See, I don't really consider myself a Superman fan. I don't consider myself deeply invested or interested in comicverses in general (although I do consider myself a lifetime Batman/Superman/X-Men fan). But, it is obvious from my fangirling in other universes that I really consider myself much more of a sci-fi fan.
The difference between my feelings for the Superverse and other fandoms is apparent in the fandoms I have actively read in the past:
Gargoyles (VERY limited but long-term)
X-Files (M/K) (crazy, 1+ years)
Harry Potter (H/D) (obsessive, 3+ years)
Stargate (J/D) (will-be obsessive, eternity)
I read Clois for like... two months, as opposed to the YEARS I have spent in other fandoms. Also, it's a het pairing, which according to my other ships is not really my style.
Okay, I'm getting all jumbled here... HERE'S THE POINT:
As far as I can tell, I didn't write until I got into the Superverse because Sunspots is (as I've said many times before) reactionary. It was literally me being so frustrated by how nonsensical it all seemed to be that I just said, "OMG I could totally write a better story than that." It happened at the exact same moment that I heard about the Superman Movierverse Awards and the next thought was, "Not only can I write something better, I bet I can win an award."
And I did.
But there's no staying power in that. I'm not a lifetime Superman fan. It's not the end or the beginning of the world for me (which you could argue are the types of significance I put on other fandoms). So while I fed off the newness and the excitement of success and the fans for all this time, when you get right down to it, I'm not actually invested.
I started writing in the Superverse because I wasn't invested, because I didn't love it. In the other fandoms I've been invested it, I've been INVESTED. I LOVED THEM, I could think of nothing worth changing, had no ideas that I felt could possibly be better than the canon, and respected the canon so much that there wasn't any further for me to do. Which is probably why I read slash.. because slash is, by default, AU for these universes. M/K, H/D, and J/D don't exist in The X-Files, HP, and Stargate. Clois does exist in Superman, hell, IT'S THE POINT of Superman. But, I was like, canon? Whatevs. Precendent? Whatevs. I'm just going to write this story in a weed-induced myopic EXPLOSION.
So. What do I do with limited investment in the universe, but over a year invested in a story? What do I do now that I achieved my actual original goal, which was to win at least one top tier (IMO) Movieverse award? What do I do now that my mind is anywhere BUT on Superman? I am knee-deep in Stargate, which unlike my renaissance of Gargoyles fangirling is a MASSIVE popular verse that can keep me distracted for YEARS. The real question is, what do I do if I'm not actually interested?
I've written 112,000 fucking words! That is ACTUALLY a novel. Up until this point I hadn't written shit but childhood mystery stories and history papers. I have what I estimate to be hundreds of fans, both active and lurking. I can NOT just abandon it... but we're looking at more than writer's block here, we're looking at time and energy I just don't feel enough passion for to be inspired. I open Chapter Whatever we're on now and just stare at it. The only thing I can think of is a co-writer, but that thought just has me all akimbo.
And this story is NOT finished. Holy crap, it's not finished. In fact, I've only mentally planned for the next week and a half (roughly as much time as we've covered so far). But by the time I would realistically finish this story, not only will I be Jossed by the next movie but I'll probably be closer to 30 than 25. WHAT.
*sigh*
-----------------------------
I have written, thought, and spoken at length about the world of fanfiction for many years. I have intellectualized it, made fun of it, partaken in it and read it for what I now believe is upwards of nine years. Over the last single year, however, I have asked myself one very important question, and now (in response to an innocent yet very significant question asked by jammyjar ) I am going to explore it with all of you:
Why Superman?
or
The ambiguous future of Sunspots
I have been asking myself two questions, really. Why did I never write until Superman, and then, why Superman?
When I look at the list of interests on my LJ profile, the various mentions of "Superman" there are actually very odd for my eye to see. See, I don't really consider myself a Superman fan. I don't consider myself deeply invested or interested in comicverses in general (although I do consider myself a lifetime Batman/Superman/X-Men fan). But, it is obvious from my fangirling in other universes that I really consider myself much more of a sci-fi fan.
The difference between my feelings for the Superverse and other fandoms is apparent in the fandoms I have actively read in the past:
Gargoyles (VERY limited but long-term)
X-Files (M/K) (crazy, 1+ years)
Harry Potter (H/D) (obsessive, 3+ years)
Stargate (J/D) (will-be obsessive, eternity)
I read Clois for like... two months, as opposed to the YEARS I have spent in other fandoms. Also, it's a het pairing, which according to my other ships is not really my style.
Okay, I'm getting all jumbled here... HERE'S THE POINT:
As far as I can tell, I didn't write until I got into the Superverse because Sunspots is (as I've said many times before) reactionary. It was literally me being so frustrated by how nonsensical it all seemed to be that I just said, "OMG I could totally write a better story than that." It happened at the exact same moment that I heard about the Superman Movierverse Awards and the next thought was, "Not only can I write something better, I bet I can win an award."
And I did.
But there's no staying power in that. I'm not a lifetime Superman fan. It's not the end or the beginning of the world for me (which you could argue are the types of significance I put on other fandoms). So while I fed off the newness and the excitement of success and the fans for all this time, when you get right down to it, I'm not actually invested.
I started writing in the Superverse because I wasn't invested, because I didn't love it. In the other fandoms I've been invested it, I've been INVESTED. I LOVED THEM, I could think of nothing worth changing, had no ideas that I felt could possibly be better than the canon, and respected the canon so much that there wasn't any further for me to do. Which is probably why I read slash.. because slash is, by default, AU for these universes. M/K, H/D, and J/D don't exist in The X-Files, HP, and Stargate. Clois does exist in Superman, hell, IT'S THE POINT of Superman. But, I was like, canon? Whatevs. Precendent? Whatevs. I'm just going to write this story in a weed-induced myopic EXPLOSION.
So. What do I do with limited investment in the universe, but over a year invested in a story? What do I do now that I achieved my actual original goal, which was to win at least one top tier (IMO) Movieverse award? What do I do now that my mind is anywhere BUT on Superman? I am knee-deep in Stargate, which unlike my renaissance of Gargoyles fangirling is a MASSIVE popular verse that can keep me distracted for YEARS. The real question is, what do I do if I'm not actually interested?
I've written 112,000 fucking words! That is ACTUALLY a novel. Up until this point I hadn't written shit but childhood mystery stories and history papers. I have what I estimate to be hundreds of fans, both active and lurking. I can NOT just abandon it... but we're looking at more than writer's block here, we're looking at time and energy I just don't feel enough passion for to be inspired. I open Chapter Whatever we're on now and just stare at it. The only thing I can think of is a co-writer, but that thought just has me all akimbo.
And this story is NOT finished. Holy crap, it's not finished. In fact, I've only mentally planned for the next week and a half (roughly as much time as we've covered so far). But by the time I would realistically finish this story, not only will I be Jossed by the next movie but I'll probably be closer to 30 than 25. WHAT.
*sigh*