009 stupid headache
you know how strange things are sometimes?
when you know that some of your good friends are going to be debating at regionals (nationals? nah, regionals) tomorrow and you've been waiting and helping and wishing to see them succeed and then you fall sick and you can't see them before they leave and you go ahead and numb your already sick brain with movies like 'the exorcist I' and 'the exorcist: the beginning' and try to undo the damage by watching 'the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' and you realize you're back at square one because you're feeling sad again.
and you realize that you're getting no support over something and you feel like 'darn it, i may not be right, but if you'd just pretend then perhaps this would have been resolved earlier and i would have shut up earlier anyway' and then you think again and try to block out the thought that perhaps you were the wrong one and really, you shouldn't care, i shouldn't care, no one should care.
but i care, i do, and doesn't that matter? yeah, be impassionate, don't take a stand, no sides, that's perfectly fine. fine fine fine. the way fine is used to end a snappy conversation kind of fine. the kind of fine that gives you time to go away and simmer before you start shouting again.
and when you're reading about your course and what you think you're going to do, in my case public relations or mass communications, and everyone else just seems to be talking about wonderful, more...prestigious courses like medicine, biochemistry, actuarial science, law and such and you think ' oh dear, this isn't my league is it ' and you just hide that mass communications education magazine just a little and consider picking up the health and sciences issue.
and then when you do that at home and try to get interested in how to work in laboratories or science related thingies for the rest of your working life, you know that deep down this just isn't the thing for you but if it's the thing for everyone else...'what the HELL is wrong with me? do i lack something that hinders me from crunching numbers like a pro? from working out new ways to save the world from future starvation?'.
i was working on an entry earlier about a curious dream i had that was just bizarre and sad and weird. in many ways i would like to chronicle it, to share, and yet another part commands one to keep dreams a secret, something akin to hidden loot. so far, the latter has won.
and in the end, it's just another pointless, none sided, ambiguous little post that no one will read, much less care about.
and hey, there's a little bit of happiness right there, because you know that this much is true.
i should really post more elegant things.
when you know that some of your good friends are going to be debating at regionals (nationals? nah, regionals) tomorrow and you've been waiting and helping and wishing to see them succeed and then you fall sick and you can't see them before they leave and you go ahead and numb your already sick brain with movies like 'the exorcist I' and 'the exorcist: the beginning' and try to undo the damage by watching 'the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' and you realize you're back at square one because you're feeling sad again.
and you realize that you're getting no support over something and you feel like 'darn it, i may not be right, but if you'd just pretend then perhaps this would have been resolved earlier and i would have shut up earlier anyway' and then you think again and try to block out the thought that perhaps you were the wrong one and really, you shouldn't care, i shouldn't care, no one should care.
but i care, i do, and doesn't that matter? yeah, be impassionate, don't take a stand, no sides, that's perfectly fine. fine fine fine. the way fine is used to end a snappy conversation kind of fine. the kind of fine that gives you time to go away and simmer before you start shouting again.
and when you're reading about your course and what you think you're going to do, in my case public relations or mass communications, and everyone else just seems to be talking about wonderful, more...prestigious courses like medicine, biochemistry, actuarial science, law and such and you think ' oh dear, this isn't my league is it ' and you just hide that mass communications education magazine just a little and consider picking up the health and sciences issue.
and then when you do that at home and try to get interested in how to work in laboratories or science related thingies for the rest of your working life, you know that deep down this just isn't the thing for you but if it's the thing for everyone else...'what the HELL is wrong with me? do i lack something that hinders me from crunching numbers like a pro? from working out new ways to save the world from future starvation?'.
i was working on an entry earlier about a curious dream i had that was just bizarre and sad and weird. in many ways i would like to chronicle it, to share, and yet another part commands one to keep dreams a secret, something akin to hidden loot. so far, the latter has won.
and in the end, it's just another pointless, none sided, ambiguous little post that no one will read, much less care about.
and hey, there's a little bit of happiness right there, because you know that this much is true.
i should really post more elegant things.