Bleh, studying blows chunks...
Okay, so here i am in the library. havent writen in this damn thing in ages and i just feel like i need to update about my life. I was in Orillia for the last week but since I live in the boons it makes it hard to do anything. So i told my mom that i was going to move in with Les this summer in his new apartment (he moved in saturday) and she freaked. of course. she still hates it and says everything possible to get me to change my mind. She got my aunt to talk to me and my aunt told me that my mom is worried i wont go back to school in September because it will be harder to leave Les. I am so insulted that my mom thinks of me like that because I figured by now she would realize that i am so much more grown up and smarter than that. But nope. Anyways, I took all my clothes to Les's this weekend.And some of my stuff is going there once i move outta here. I'm excited. Clearly it will be harder to move back here in September but i know i will do it. I know les would never let me not go back to school.
We've been really good lately. For awhile now actually. I am happy and now that he is out of his house and away from all of that bull, he is much happier too. And we're both so excited to live together this summer. It seems like a kinda big thing, but it really isnt... we've been together 2 1/2 years, we might as well find out whether we can stand each other on a regular basis. Otherwise, we're kinda wasting our time. And we both know that we should try this out. plus i havent seen him as much as i'd like since september so it will be good catch up on the "regular boyfriend/girlfriend stuff" time. Which i want. Bad. otheerwise, it feels like nothing i do is good enough for my parents YET AGAIN. I dont know. If she isnt mad at me about the apartment, shes nagging me to apply for jobs for the summer, and when she isnt doing that, shes telling me what i can and cannot afford or that i need to be studying for exams. I tried to have a civil conversation with her and get her to understand things, that i'm not a kid and i don't need my decisions made for me aanymore. she doesnt see it that way. i told her that all i want is someone who can SUPPORT MY DECISIONS. not make them for me. or hate me when i make mistakes. Maybe living with les is a mistake, but she should know that me going to school is something I want, not just because they want it. So why wouldnt i go back?? Its so frustrating and i just feel like i've spent way too many tears on it. I hate that my sister used up all of her chances so I get none. I just want supportive parents. Thats all. I know i'm whining and there are worse things to have go on in life, but for me, this is really big. My parents have never been what i need them to be. And i just thought that MAYBE as i got older, they would realize im not the immature little kid they think i am...but it just doesnt seem to be happening.
I told them i wanted to buy a car and whatnot too. i did some searches, researched insurance....all i wanted was for them to help me out and pay for my insurance while i was in school (which they did for Nicole when she bought her car in grade 11)..but what do they say? "You cant afford a car".... without consideration or hearing me out... just a flat out no. Then my mom says they cant afford to pay my $177/month insurance..well if we cant afford it, why am i racing??? Les told me that my dad is kinda hoping I like the cuplite car this year so that he can get me one for next summer.... So waht i dont get, is if they are going to buy me a fucking race car... why cant they just buy me a real one, that can be used ALL YEAR? and is about $8000 cheaper!!! I get so frustrated. I am on a role right now.
Anyways,
basically right now i feel like i have Les for support. and thats basically it. i need to study so bad. i'm making my cheat sheet for gender which is tomorrow morning:S... brutal
but oh well. i cant believe first year is almost over. i cant fricking believe it. its just absolutely nuts. im excited for next year though. me, arden, and rae are all living together:) Fun times had by all.
anyways, i NEED to getback to it.
We've been really good lately. For awhile now actually. I am happy and now that he is out of his house and away from all of that bull, he is much happier too. And we're both so excited to live together this summer. It seems like a kinda big thing, but it really isnt... we've been together 2 1/2 years, we might as well find out whether we can stand each other on a regular basis. Otherwise, we're kinda wasting our time. And we both know that we should try this out. plus i havent seen him as much as i'd like since september so it will be good catch up on the "regular boyfriend/girlfriend stuff" time. Which i want. Bad. otheerwise, it feels like nothing i do is good enough for my parents YET AGAIN. I dont know. If she isnt mad at me about the apartment, shes nagging me to apply for jobs for the summer, and when she isnt doing that, shes telling me what i can and cannot afford or that i need to be studying for exams. I tried to have a civil conversation with her and get her to understand things, that i'm not a kid and i don't need my decisions made for me aanymore. she doesnt see it that way. i told her that all i want is someone who can SUPPORT MY DECISIONS. not make them for me. or hate me when i make mistakes. Maybe living with les is a mistake, but she should know that me going to school is something I want, not just because they want it. So why wouldnt i go back?? Its so frustrating and i just feel like i've spent way too many tears on it. I hate that my sister used up all of her chances so I get none. I just want supportive parents. Thats all. I know i'm whining and there are worse things to have go on in life, but for me, this is really big. My parents have never been what i need them to be. And i just thought that MAYBE as i got older, they would realize im not the immature little kid they think i am...but it just doesnt seem to be happening.
I told them i wanted to buy a car and whatnot too. i did some searches, researched insurance....all i wanted was for them to help me out and pay for my insurance while i was in school (which they did for Nicole when she bought her car in grade 11)..but what do they say? "You cant afford a car".... without consideration or hearing me out... just a flat out no. Then my mom says they cant afford to pay my $177/month insurance..well if we cant afford it, why am i racing??? Les told me that my dad is kinda hoping I like the cuplite car this year so that he can get me one for next summer.... So waht i dont get, is if they are going to buy me a fucking race car... why cant they just buy me a real one, that can be used ALL YEAR? and is about $8000 cheaper!!! I get so frustrated. I am on a role right now.
Anyways,
basically right now i feel like i have Les for support. and thats basically it. i need to study so bad. i'm making my cheat sheet for gender which is tomorrow morning:S... brutal
but oh well. i cant believe first year is almost over. i cant fricking believe it. its just absolutely nuts. im excited for next year though. me, arden, and rae are all living together:) Fun times had by all.
anyways, i NEED to getback to it.