That's Ace!
“Raleigh, when was the last time you slept.”
“Last night...”
Mako had glared at him, her meaning clear - even despite any remnants of the Drift.
“I don’t know… What does it matter? It’s not like we’ll be called to pilot a Jaeger in the next few days!”
“You know that is not why I worry. You are more than just a tool to stop the end of the world, Raleigh. And you driving yourself crazy is not doing any of us a favor. He cares about you…”
“He keeps pushing me away!”
“Not from what we see.”
“That’s because you don’t see him when no one’s around! I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, Mako. We’ve known each other for long enough now, that…”
“…he should know he can tell you anything, and you’ll still respect and care for him? Even if what he says is not what you were hoping to hear?”
This time, it had been Raleigh’s turn to glare, causing his co-pilot to chuckle.
“Maybe Chuck is as confused and miserable as you are; or maybe he’s scared of something…”
“He shouldn’t have to be scared of me…”
“And neither should you be scared to go talk to him, then. Someone here has to do the first step; and Beckets may be stubborn, but talking about emotions comes to you more naturally than it does to Hansens.”
God, Raleigh hated when she was right! Chuck and Herc’s main mean of communication, for years, had been the Drift. They were getting better at that whole ‘talking thing’ since the Breach had been closed, but it was still a work in progress.
Raleigh was lucky, though, considering that Chuck was actually the most perceptive and emotionally literate of the two. He could articulate what he was feeling or thinking in an intelligible manner - quite easily, actually - so long as you made it safe for him to do so.
And lately, well… It’s not that Raleigh hadn’t been trying to make it safe, but maybe he needed to try a more direct approach to send the message that ‘I very much desire to have a good heart-to-heart so we can have a chance to understand what’s happening here between us’.
Especially since Chuck’s birthday was just two days away, and Raleigh really wanted to do something nice for him…
Over the last seven months, he had found himself slowly falling in love with the Striker Eureka pilot; starting with the full month they had spent together trapped in a hospital room.
Raleigh had to wonder whose idea it had been - the doctor’s or Herc’s - but he was nevertheless grateful.
After having closed the Breach, Raleigh had developed a bad case of radiation poisoning on top of cerebral hypoxia. The lack of oxygen had caused some damage, but thankfully not enough to affect his intelligence, speech, or even reflexes. The only thing worthy of note was the fact that his ADHD symptoms appeared to be slightly worse - especially in terms of working memory. They’d had to adjust his medication a bit and he was still undergoing some cognitive training, but it was fairly manageable
The only time when it really showed was when he had trouble finding a specific word, or kept forgetting where he’d just been putting something but a moment ago. It’s not like he’d never done these things before, but it was just a tad more obvious.
Mako, Chuck, as well as pretty much everyone in the Shatterdome knew not to rush him; and instead help him find his pair of socks (especially if they’d remembered having seen him put them somewhere). Or, in some circumstances, suggest a few words to him given the context of what he was expressing. So long as they weren’t doing so insistently, or while looking frustrated or impatient that Raleigh needed more time to find the word to illustrate what he meant in his mind, he tended to appreciate the help.
The radiation poisoning had been a little trickier to deal with, though. Thankfully, the amount of radiation he’d received while riding Gipsy’s blast out of the Anteverse hadn’t been enough to kill him in a matter of hours, or even making him start losing his hair; but it had still been a serious concern.
The decrease in white blood cells, combined with intestinal bleeding and vomiting, had greatly weakened him and made him vulnerable to infections. Once they’d realized that he wasn’t losing his hair, they’d told him he had a 50/50 chance to make it - which was actually pretty close to Chuck’s own prognosis.
Except in Chuck’s case, he had also suffered from a concussion, few mild burns, fractures, torn ligaments… Striker’s thermonuclear bomb emitted more heat than radiation per say, but he’d also been closer to the blast when it had happened, and thrown around the escape shuttle pretty bad (not like he’d had proper time to ‘buckle up”, and unlike Gipsy’s single pods, that one was made for two. Stacker had needed to knock him out to get him in there, and then stay behind to activate the detonation sequence).
So, since the both of them had needed to be in reverse isolation for about a month until the leucopenia was mostly resolved, and a simple infection no longer because a life threatening event; Herc and/or the doctors had thought that sharing the same room would help them socialize and recover.
Turned out they hadn’t been wrong. Once Raleigh had been able to get past the awkwardness of the situation, he’d rather been enjoying the company. As it turned out, Chuck was a very sensitive, smart, and caring young man. Still a bit of an arrogant asshole every now and then, but nothing Raleigh couldn’t handle.
Actually, he was no more of a jerk than Raleigh himself could be at times, something that Chuck had been quick to discover if he’d made the mistake of testing him a bit too strongly.
But still, ever since Leatherback, things between them had been different. The animosity and blatant show of dislike was gone. A little more talking had allowed Raleigh to learn that Chuck’s resentment was tied to the fact that he actually liked Raleigh - used to be the Ranger he admired most out of the whole PPDC, actually! Having him desert them like that after Yancy’s death and Gipsy’s fall had felt like a personal betrayal, in a way; like losing yet another person he had been looking up to.
Of course, Chuck now understood why Raleigh had felt the need to run, and Raleigh now understood why Chuck had been so antagonistic when he’d returned to the Shatterdome.
Within just a few hours of talking, everything had been forgiven; and they’d had the chance to learn to trust and rely on each other as they’d continued to recover and fight together for survival in the med bay.
Getting the all clear and being released from medical had actually been a little difficult for Raleigh; and he’d continued to visit Chuck every single day to assist with his rehab afterwards. They weren’t exactly co-pilot, but they’d co-piloted their way to recovery, and Raleigh could feel a strong bond between them that kept pulling him back towards him. It almost felt like the Drift sometimes.
He’d been there when Chuck had officially been released from his room, and allowed to walk around with a pair of crutches. He’d been there when Chuck did most of his physiotherapy, and had started training on exercise bikes. He’d been there when Chuck began walking with the use of a cane, and was allowed to go pretty much wherever he wanted in and outside the Shatterdome.
And Chuck had been welcoming his help and presence - most of the time, at least.
They took most of their meals in the cafeteria together, continuously hung out, and took turns caring for Max, even. Raleigh knew that Chuck trusted him, and that they were good friends. At least, he believed they were.
But at some point, the fondness that Raleigh had been experiencing for the younger Ranger had started evolving into something more. He didn’t just like Chuck, he liked him. So very, very much… He did his best not to call it ‘love’, not yet, not until he knew whether that feeling was reciprocated, or not.
And Chuck, lately, had been almost impossible to read!
With Mako, as soon as they’d started drifting, things between them had been crystal clear. Raleigh knew they were friends, they were family, but the connection between them was strictly platonic. Yes, she did find Raleigh to be a fine specimen of masculinity and, on some level, had even felt physically attracted in the very beginning; but the romance wasn’t there.
And once they’d begun drifting, the brother and sister vibe they’d almost immediately established had removed any physical attraction from the equation.
But Chuck… Chuck was different. Raleigh had become a big brother to Mako primarily because when they’d started getting to know each other, he’d been in a position of authority and responsibility over her. She was the rookie, he was the veteran. He was a mentor as well as a friend. Combined with the affection he felt towards her it had been translated as something very brotherly.
He and Chuck were equals in every way, even in the way that they relied on each other. They weren’t teachers or mentors, or in any position of authority that would make one more vulnerable. And so the more it went, the more Chuck allowed to trust him and give him access to the kind of person he was - not the one he tried to appear to be in order to protect himself - the more Raleigh had been falling for him.
He very much saw him as a prospective romantic partner - and yes, he couldn’t deny that he desired him as well. Chuck was a gorgeous man, not to mention incredibly sexy.
But that was the thing…
Chuck was not openly or directly rejecting any of his romantic advances. He would sit next to Raleigh at the cafeteria and let their knees touch, or brush his shoulder against his and offer him a bashful smile. In a public setting, he would appear to be a little flirty and very much trying to initiate affectionate gestures.
He would accept to go on dates with Raleigh, and appear all delighted and hopeful every time Raleigh would ask.
But if Raleigh somehow tried to put his arm around Chuck’s shoulders while they were watching the movie at the movie theater; he would immediately excuse himself and say he needed to go to the bathroom.
And the few times he’d tried to reach for his hand across the table during a nice dinner at the restaurant, Chuck had spontaneously retracted it to start adjusting his napkin in his laps - or got up to get to the bathroom again - while trying to fake not having noticed the gesture.
And he always got a bit jittery at the end of their date, and suddenly had something ‘pressing to attend to’ before Raleigh could suggest accompanying him back to his bunk, or inviting him to his.
So he wasn’t making it clear with Raleigh that he wasn’t interested and only desired them to be friends - something that Raleigh would have been very much willing to respect.
As much as he felt a romantic and sexual inclination towards the other young man, Raleigh cared for him first and foremost. Between having Chuck entirely out of his life, or keeping a much valued and wonderful friendship, the choice for him was clear. It wasn’t even a question!
He liked - oh! Fuck it! - he loved Chuck enough to be able to find happiness with whatever Chuck was comfortable offering him. If it was friendship, then friendship it would be.
But right now, Raleigh was in limbo. He kept looking for clues and signs and drove himself mad trying to understand what was going on - what he’d done to make Chuck alternate between demonstrating very positive attention, and then pulling away. Except it wasn’t really fully ‘pulling away’ because he was still very much affectionate in the Mess Hall and with other people around them; hence why Mako was so sure that he liked him, too.
He’d even tried going to Herc for clues; and all he’d received as an answer was that it was something that Raleigh needed to discuss directly with Chuck. Although Herc had offered him a fond and supportive look, and a good pat on the shoulder; so he hadn’t managed to antagonize him with his question, at least.
Both Herc and Mako were right, though. He was being a bit stupid about this. Maybe Mako was right about something else, also; maybe he simply feared Chuck’s answer. As long as Chuck didn’t clearly that he wanted them to remain friends, nothing more, Raleigh could fantasize that perhaps the blooming love he felt for his friend wasn’t unrequited.
A clear answer, though, would set his mind at ease, and let him know where he stood instead of living in a constant state of doubt and anxiety.
Which explained why he was currently sitting in the middle of the kwoon, waiting for Chuck to arrive, and hoping he’d accepted his invitation.
The place he’d chosen may have seemed odd considering that Chuck’s injuries didn’t allow him to spar with anyone yet; but the kwoon presented a few advantages.
First, outside of scheduled group training sessions, it was a fairly intimate environment. There was an unspoken rule between Rangers to respectfully bow and step out if you entered it and found that it was already taken by another team.
Second, the doors were heavy and noisy enough that you would inevitably have the time to hear before someone would enter; therefore there was very little risk of accidental eavesdropping on their conversation.
And, while fairly intimate, it was also still public enough that anyone could enter at any given time. Therefore, Raleigh hoped that Chuck would be feeling comfortable and know that he would not be attempting any form of physical contact that could potentially be interpreted as a romantic gesture if someone could suddenly walk in on them.
Well, at least as long as Chuck didn’t want to attempt a romantic relationship with him.
A little over fourty-eight hours ago, Raleigh had been sending this message to him:
Hey Chuck,
If you have a minute, I’d really love to talk to you about something important.
Could you join me in the Kwoon next Monday at 2pm?
If you can’t, it’s okay, just let me know…
Otherwise, I’ll be seeing you on Monday!
*Hugs!*
- Rals
Thus far, Chuck hadn’t sent him any message to tell him that he wouldn’t be able to make it, so he was taking it as a good sign…
Of course, there was always the possibility of him ignoring his message completely and not showing up - Raleigh sincerely wouldn’t know how to take it if he didn’t show, though. He could see that Chuck was occasionally pulling away, and was utterly confused as to why, but… Openly avoiding him? That would most likely crush his heart at least a little.
He was therefore unable to hide the look of utter relief and joy on his features as the door of the kwoon opened and closed, and Chuck came into view.
“Please! Come in, have a seat!” Raleigh called out to him, smiling brightly from the place where he was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the mat; looking overjoyed to see him. “If you’d prefer using chairs, I could go get them for us if you’d like,” he immediately offered.
He’d brought a few pillows with him so that Chuck would be able to make himself more comfortable. Chuck was now able to walk on his own - albeit slowly - with the use of his brace; and he still occasionally used a cane or the crutches when he wanted to get from point A to B faster. So he wasn’t sure if the pillows would be enough for him to be okay with sitting on the floor.
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