Love Bites
(A Zombie Apocalypse / Vampire AU)
Vampires
Zombies
Timeline and Past Events
September 21st, 2014
No… No-no-no-no-no-no-no…
“Jax!”
Not again, please no, not again…
“Jackson!”
Don’t go…
“RALEIGH!”
Yance, bring them back. Please, Yancy!
“Raleigh, listen to me, there’s nothing we can do. We have to leave, NOW!”
Raleigh remembered he used to cry. Every night, before going to bed when he was young… Yancy would get down from his bunk and gather him in his arms as he sobbed and whimpered... He would gently run his fingers through his hair, rub his back, whisper soothing words, rock with him back and forth in an effort to bring his little brother some comfort.
Yancy was the only one that still called him “Raleigh”... Not in front of others, of course; their parents wouldn't allow it. But when the two of them were together at night and no one was listening; “Raleigh” was allowed to come back.
It wasn't like people having a dissociative personality disorder, not quite exactly... At least, not by choice.
They - Raleigh and Jackson - were more part of a continuum than two distinct entities... “Raleigh” was the whole that encompassed everything he was; even the part of himself that were more fragile and broken. “Raleigh” carried all of the joys and pains of his past, and the scars. “Raleigh” allowed himself to open up emotionally and be vulnerable - to acknowledge when things hurt and let himself feel things deeply. With time, perhaps “Raleigh” could have been happy, if only given the chance.
And in some moments, he was. Some moments that he shared with his brother, Raleigh was happy. He was real. People he loved were real. His family was real, not something made up, or stolen.
Because that's who “Jackson” was - fragmented, made up. “Jackson” contained only the parts of himself that he was allowed to show; the parts of himself that were part of this “new life” his whole family had been given after Jazmine and Charles were gone.
Maybe the change of names and identities wouldn't have been so bad if his parents hadn't felt the need to fully become those people. If, at home, they still kept talking about his little sister, his uncle. If they had been allowed to recall the good times they'd had together, and maybe try to imagine how their lives would be like if they were still with them...
He knew they meant well, and only wanted what was best. He knew they were coping with their own losses as best as they could, too. Maybe they thought that the less Raleigh was reminded about his life before Knifehead, the easier it would be for him to forget it ever happened.
Except Raleigh had never forgotten; he remembered vividly. Maybe not in details... After a while, hours drifting in and out of consciousness or pain just felt the same; and there were moments that he wasn't sure were real, or something he'd made up while delirious. But there were some things he knew and could still see in his head; things he knew would always be a part of him, and he'd always keep seeing. Things he needed to be given the right to look at, and come to terms with.
And it seemed that Yancy had understood. He'd understood that Raleigh didn't want to hide from those memories; he didn't want to be anyone else. He wanted to be able to know that the memories were there; and that whenever they'd surface he'd be able to look at them without fear. He needed to have the chance to accept their presence and the role they had played in his life.
And his brother was the only one that could look at “Raleigh”, see the whole of him, acknowledge those scars, and accept that they were there, too. His parents loved him. With his brother they had been everything he had, but they only ever saw “Jackson” now...
“Jackson” was the parts of who Raleigh was that he was allowed to show without risking to reveal the whole person underneath.
“Jackson” didn't have scars, because he kept them covered.
“Jackson” didn't have friends, because that meant letting someone in emotionally, trusting them with who he was, letting them see beneath the surface; and he wasn't allowed to do that.
“Jackson” didn't have lovers, because in addition to the fact that he couldn't share who he was with them emotionally, he'd have to let them see the scars. And the only way to explain them would be to lie about how he got them.
“Jackson” was functional, he was “safe”.
But without “Raleigh” - that spark underneath - “Jackson” wasn't enough; he barely existed.
Yancy had kept the spark - Raleigh - alive...
“Kiddo,
I'm going to have to break a promise I made to you, and I'm so, so sorry.
But I know you, Rals. And I also know that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You may not believe it, but you've survived so much already, and I know you can survive this.
Earlier in the fight today, when you asked me if I was alright, I lied. One of them bit me. I don't know how long I have, but I promise you that whatever happens, you won't have to worry about me. I won't become one of them.
I didn't tell you because I know you. You'd have wanted to be with me until the very end; might have offered to wait until I died before you shot me. And I didn't want to put you through that. I didn't want you to have to watch me die on top of everything else. And I also know that you might have waited for me to bite you before taking that shot. And I can't be what kills you.
Please understand that this is my choice. You have the right to hate me for it, you have the right to be angry, you have the right to call me a coward.
But I'd rather you hated me, and used all of that anger and that rage to push forward and keep on fighting.
Because you can do this, Raleigh. Keep traveling north, find other survivors... With everything that's happened, be who you are - the wonderful brother I've known all of these years and couldn't be prouder of - and let them care for you. There's still hope.
I may have to break my promise and leave now... But I will find my way back. One way or another, I'll always be with you. And I'll be watching. So don't do anything stupid, okay? Otherwise, next time you see me, I guarantee that I'll kick your butt!
I love you Kiddo,
Yancy”
...and now “Raleigh” was dead.
Yancy may have thought he was saving his life, but “Raleigh” had still died with him.
He was right about something, though. Not that he hated him. Even as Jackson, Raleigh could never have felt any hate for his brother (whether he called himself Yancy or Thomas).
But he was angry... And he was determined to use all of that rage to keep pushing. Except he was going south - figured it sounded pretty appropriate anyway. Yancy could be mad at him all he wanted; his brother had made his choice, and so now Raleigh was making his.
Yancy said he'd be watching? Then he hoped he was going to enjoy the show! Because Raleigh fully intended to give it all he had and fight and kill as many of these ugly bastards that had taken the last thing “Raleigh” had in this life from him!
He was doing pretty good at it thus far, too. Traveling from home to home, sticking to more isolated areas, cleaning them up and slaughtering any zombies in the area.
The current house he was staying in was, in particular, extremely nice. Well, if you didn't count the two bodies he'd found in the basement earlier, and the smell that still kept lingering in the house even after he'd taken them and buried them outside. He figured that was the least he could do since they had been kind enough to shoot themselves in the head - sparing him from having to do it had they been bitten - and he was now eating their ice cream.
Because, although the house wasn't especially luxurious, it came with a nice bathroom that still offered hot water; and a fully equipped kitchen with a still functional fridge and freezer... A freezer, that contained a still unopened full batch of delicious cookie dough ice cream.
Apparently, the owners were very conscious of the environment - most of their electricity came from solar panels and small wind turbine. Raleigh had definitely been very grateful for the chance to take a good hot shower, wash and change his clothes, and now to indulge in the fantasy of trying to eat a complete batch of ice cream in one take!
He'd gone a little over halfway through before he'd started to feel too stuffed, tired, borderline nauseated; and decided he might as well stop there before he fell into an hyperglycemic coma. He could probably finish it before leaving on the next day. Although the house was pretty isolated, zombies had a tendency to keep wandering in search of any sound or the smell of fresh human blood. Raleigh wasn't too comfortable in staying in one place for too long.
So, after patrolling the perimeter one last time, locking all of the doors and windows - except that one he'd had to break in order to get in - and putting all of his stuff and weapons in the bedroom; he'd finally gone to sleep... Only to be awakened a few hours later by the sound of some aggressive growling, glass breaking, and various objects and bodies hitting the walls or the floor downstairs.
Grabbing his machete and the bag containing some of his guns, he rushed towards the bedroom door and put his ear against it to listen. The sound of fighting was slowly dying down, and eventually stopped.
When it did, Raleigh carefully made his way downstairs; where he found an impressive number of dead zombie bodies, and what looked like a badly injured vampire slumped against the wall. Wonderful! Just what he needed! He was considering the possibility of grabbing his things and slipping out of the house before the vampire had the chance to regain consciousness or notice him... Until a dog barked and made them both jump - the vampire immediately looking up, his gaze meeting Raleigh's.
Shit.
This entry was originally posted at http://ray-of-sunshine.dreamwidth.org/3008.html. Please read the rest of the storyline, or comment there using OpenID.