Helllloooo
Helllooooooo internet world.
I must be the most boring blogger in the world or I am so captivating that I leave people speechless and unable to COMMENT. Heh...i think i will pretend that the latter is true.
Just so this entry is not completely random...I went to Homecoming this weekend @ Eastern. In doing so, alot of memories came back.
I wonder sometimes what my professors at college really thought of me, it seems like they went out of their way to praise me for the things that I did well, but i was never a favorite student. Maybe the disinterested look on my face was a clue. While I enjoyed Eastern, I didnt find most of the classes particularly challenging or engaging. I will admit that there are a few classes and professors that stand out in my mind as being very enlightening. I am not denying that the whole "college" experience failed to impact me. But overall, I dont feel like I got my money's worth.
I honestly do not think that my professors took the time to get to know me, they only knew me on a very superficial level. And it galls me that one in particular had the nerve to criticize me like a child for failing to "perform" to the expectations that she had of me. Like I invalidated every good paper I wrote, every test I aced and every assignment that I stayed up all night completing just because I floundered a stupid speech. Feeling defeated was not how I wanted to end my senior year. I aced public speaking (even though I hated it), I aced Rhetoric...I believe that I can "wing" a speech without it sucking completely. Obvoiusly not to this particular person expectations. I am still bitter. So I am thankful in a way to the rainy weather because I think it kept most of the professors home in their snuggly beds.
I also realize now, in retrospect, that I did not want to be editor of the Waltonian. Do I regret doing it? No. That experience was worthwhile and I learned so much. Was I incapable of doing the job? No. I was able to figure out that I really didnt have a passion for Journalism and that I loved doing layouts and design. If I would have realized this sooner, I could have saved myself time and money and just transferred to Towson.
If I've learned anything at all from my Com classes is that words hurt and that they stay with a person for a long time. I am not the type to be overly sensitive to criticism and I am very conscientious of my duties. I dont want people to look at me or my work and have the adjectives "unreliable", "slacker" and "uncaring" be the first thing that come to mind. But alas, I AM human and I do fail. I expect a little understanding. Not sugar-coated criticism that is more hurtful than helpful. I am not perfect and everything that I have accomplished I have worked VERY hard to do so. School does not come easily to me (Surprised?), but I have learned ways to get through and excel. My common sense, my ability to comprehend and my good communication skills (written and oral) compensate for my lack of scholarly aptitude.
The speech fiasco was because my defenses were down and my willpower to excel was flagging (it was a week before graduation). To have that crack opened wider, was like having salt poured into an open wound. Nevermind the FOUR speeches that I delivered flawlessly in another (much harder) class.
I havent really talked about this to anyone because I felt stupid for letting it bother me. My mom was ready to punch the prof and not mince words if she saw her at graduation. But she also told me to chill out and that in the grand scheme of my life, this was not huge. She is right, my mother. Its not the end of the world, but it will be one of those things that will leave a little scar and the reason why I probably wont be one of those students who long to teach at Eastern.
I think the reason why I took the prof's criticism so hard was because I was honest. I told her I didnt spend a lot of time on the speech and I was honest in my speech about my experiences at Eastern. I couldnt, in good conscience deliver a speech about how much I loved my experience when it wasnt true. I would be lieing to say that I grew closer to God, developed lasting friendships with the girls on my hall and just fill the speech with fluff and nonsense. I was honest about my experience and my dissatisfaction with higher education. It was not my most eloquent execution and I made a few mistakes because I was nervous, but that doesnt mean that I wasnt sincere in what I had to say. And you know what, no one in that class probably thought twice about that stupid speech.
I guess we live and learn. The fact of the matter is that I am doing well for myself and I dont give a flying rats ass that I did not become some power-reporter for the TIMES. I am fulfilling the expectations i have of MYSELF, not someone trying to make me into someone I am not. Bottom line, to your ownself be true and dont be afraid to stand up and rearrange priorities. Life throws curveballs and sends stinkbombs our way and its up to us to use the lemons and make lemonade.
I am going to listen to the people who know me, not the people who think they do. I have decided that the opinions of my close friends and family matter more to me than professors who hardly took the time to get to know me. I dont care if I dont fulfill their expectations of what I should be doing with my life. I had a job the Monday after graduation and before the summer was over I was full-time w/benefits. Don't look down on my choice of a career because its not something I went to school for. I am 21. I have my whole life in front of me and I have the luxury to spend my time as I see fit. Last I checked, they are not paying for my college loans.
Ok, well I got to get back to my oh-so-not-glamorous job.
TTFN
I must be the most boring blogger in the world or I am so captivating that I leave people speechless and unable to COMMENT. Heh...i think i will pretend that the latter is true.
Just so this entry is not completely random...I went to Homecoming this weekend @ Eastern. In doing so, alot of memories came back.
I wonder sometimes what my professors at college really thought of me, it seems like they went out of their way to praise me for the things that I did well, but i was never a favorite student. Maybe the disinterested look on my face was a clue. While I enjoyed Eastern, I didnt find most of the classes particularly challenging or engaging. I will admit that there are a few classes and professors that stand out in my mind as being very enlightening. I am not denying that the whole "college" experience failed to impact me. But overall, I dont feel like I got my money's worth.
I honestly do not think that my professors took the time to get to know me, they only knew me on a very superficial level. And it galls me that one in particular had the nerve to criticize me like a child for failing to "perform" to the expectations that she had of me. Like I invalidated every good paper I wrote, every test I aced and every assignment that I stayed up all night completing just because I floundered a stupid speech. Feeling defeated was not how I wanted to end my senior year. I aced public speaking (even though I hated it), I aced Rhetoric...I believe that I can "wing" a speech without it sucking completely. Obvoiusly not to this particular person expectations. I am still bitter. So I am thankful in a way to the rainy weather because I think it kept most of the professors home in their snuggly beds.
I also realize now, in retrospect, that I did not want to be editor of the Waltonian. Do I regret doing it? No. That experience was worthwhile and I learned so much. Was I incapable of doing the job? No. I was able to figure out that I really didnt have a passion for Journalism and that I loved doing layouts and design. If I would have realized this sooner, I could have saved myself time and money and just transferred to Towson.
If I've learned anything at all from my Com classes is that words hurt and that they stay with a person for a long time. I am not the type to be overly sensitive to criticism and I am very conscientious of my duties. I dont want people to look at me or my work and have the adjectives "unreliable", "slacker" and "uncaring" be the first thing that come to mind. But alas, I AM human and I do fail. I expect a little understanding. Not sugar-coated criticism that is more hurtful than helpful. I am not perfect and everything that I have accomplished I have worked VERY hard to do so. School does not come easily to me (Surprised?), but I have learned ways to get through and excel. My common sense, my ability to comprehend and my good communication skills (written and oral) compensate for my lack of scholarly aptitude.
The speech fiasco was because my defenses were down and my willpower to excel was flagging (it was a week before graduation). To have that crack opened wider, was like having salt poured into an open wound. Nevermind the FOUR speeches that I delivered flawlessly in another (much harder) class.
I havent really talked about this to anyone because I felt stupid for letting it bother me. My mom was ready to punch the prof and not mince words if she saw her at graduation. But she also told me to chill out and that in the grand scheme of my life, this was not huge. She is right, my mother. Its not the end of the world, but it will be one of those things that will leave a little scar and the reason why I probably wont be one of those students who long to teach at Eastern.
I think the reason why I took the prof's criticism so hard was because I was honest. I told her I didnt spend a lot of time on the speech and I was honest in my speech about my experiences at Eastern. I couldnt, in good conscience deliver a speech about how much I loved my experience when it wasnt true. I would be lieing to say that I grew closer to God, developed lasting friendships with the girls on my hall and just fill the speech with fluff and nonsense. I was honest about my experience and my dissatisfaction with higher education. It was not my most eloquent execution and I made a few mistakes because I was nervous, but that doesnt mean that I wasnt sincere in what I had to say. And you know what, no one in that class probably thought twice about that stupid speech.
I guess we live and learn. The fact of the matter is that I am doing well for myself and I dont give a flying rats ass that I did not become some power-reporter for the TIMES. I am fulfilling the expectations i have of MYSELF, not someone trying to make me into someone I am not. Bottom line, to your ownself be true and dont be afraid to stand up and rearrange priorities. Life throws curveballs and sends stinkbombs our way and its up to us to use the lemons and make lemonade.
I am going to listen to the people who know me, not the people who think they do. I have decided that the opinions of my close friends and family matter more to me than professors who hardly took the time to get to know me. I dont care if I dont fulfill their expectations of what I should be doing with my life. I had a job the Monday after graduation and before the summer was over I was full-time w/benefits. Don't look down on my choice of a career because its not something I went to school for. I am 21. I have my whole life in front of me and I have the luxury to spend my time as I see fit. Last I checked, they are not paying for my college loans.
Ok, well I got to get back to my oh-so-not-glamorous job.
TTFN