I want my old friends, I want my old face, Fuck this time and place...
And so it goes, and so it goes. I hate this, really I hate this. I moved across the country, out of my life there and away from some of the best people in my life. And now here what is that has become of this adventure... shit shit shit!!!!
More or less it comes down to this... I can't really find the words. I feel them as I do most of the time. But some where inside of me their hiding or being shy. I feel drained and almost sickly. I want to bleed this out of myself. I feel as though it could be pulled off of my soul much the same as you pull a big heavy sweater up and over your head. I want to hibernate and wake to a spring time in my life and be over this shityness of people in it. I miss J.J. I miss my friend and want with every part of me to have that friendship in my every day life. I am free to be me when I am in every part of me in any part of the day. I hate this and I hate that people feel it is okay to say the things they wish were true to me and then... I am the one who gets to live with the consequences of the reality unearthing it self. The things that people do scream louder that the things that they say.
I am not this person with endless joy and helpful and encouraging things to say. I hurt and I get angry. I am sensitive and more often then not am feeling a million things all at once and just want to stop this abuse. I feel this mostly every day. I am tried, truly feeling weary from this. This being that there is always going to be some thing missing, that what ever it is that I am trying to say with my life and my love is not being heard. How does this work how does any of this make much sense at all.
Oh, I am pissed beyond explanation! To even try to attemp to articulate what it is I am feeling a life documentary would have to be necessary. Exspecially the last three years of my life. I am done with this bull-shit, I am sure this statement is going to cost me alot in the end, but truly this is what I am constantly being bogged down by. So good night and good bye to all those silly, trivial, empty relationships in my life that in the end just end up taking up space... Bon coir
More or less it comes down to this... I can't really find the words. I feel them as I do most of the time. But some where inside of me their hiding or being shy. I feel drained and almost sickly. I want to bleed this out of myself. I feel as though it could be pulled off of my soul much the same as you pull a big heavy sweater up and over your head. I want to hibernate and wake to a spring time in my life and be over this shityness of people in it. I miss J.J. I miss my friend and want with every part of me to have that friendship in my every day life. I am free to be me when I am in every part of me in any part of the day. I hate this and I hate that people feel it is okay to say the things they wish were true to me and then... I am the one who gets to live with the consequences of the reality unearthing it self. The things that people do scream louder that the things that they say.
I am not this person with endless joy and helpful and encouraging things to say. I hurt and I get angry. I am sensitive and more often then not am feeling a million things all at once and just want to stop this abuse. I feel this mostly every day. I am tried, truly feeling weary from this. This being that there is always going to be some thing missing, that what ever it is that I am trying to say with my life and my love is not being heard. How does this work how does any of this make much sense at all.
Oh, I am pissed beyond explanation! To even try to attemp to articulate what it is I am feeling a life documentary would have to be necessary. Exspecially the last three years of my life. I am done with this bull-shit, I am sure this statement is going to cost me alot in the end, but truly this is what I am constantly being bogged down by. So good night and good bye to all those silly, trivial, empty relationships in my life that in the end just end up taking up space... Bon coir