Life 101
I've been doing alot of thinking these days about past events. It's weird how mentions of things can send you back in time to certain events that you may or may not want to remember. I decided not to go to Txstate for many different reasons and well TXstate will be left to others to figure out. My efforts are now put towards getting into dental hygiene school at ACC and trying to get into UT's Design department. Both are pretty hard to get into but Art always seemed to be my niche-wouldn't it be strange if that was all a lie. Maybe I was never good at art and peopled egged me for the hell of it. I know it wouldn't be malicious but one has to wonder if people are constantly be judged and told you can never do this because you are this type of person. We all change and maybe many of us feel in a rut to never change because something is expected of us. What is expected of you? Friends are slipping by and the part that so desperatley needed them feels more sane without them. I wish some of the connection lines could have at least stayed open but I know now that its my fault they closed. I know I made her cry-I can feel it with my whole being. The reason I told her what I told her was not because I wanted to tell her the truth but rather I wanted to clear my name becuase what she had said in a previous letter. I wanted her to see the blame shouldn't be placed on me but to her. It was a dirty secret I couldn't withold any longer I wanted her to know what I knew but why I had been silenced for so long.
If I were in her shoes I would have hated me too, but of course I didn't realize that till now. I think we'll be better off seperated because there are too many mixed emotions between us. I feel strong emotions towards her for many different reasons and we both don't see eachothers point of view. I don't think my heart will ever let her go. There are many people falling off the bandwagon and yet what I really want from friends are people who would rather stay in then go out on weekends. Yes I'm an old fart at only 22. Oh yeah my 22nd birthday is this sunday-exciting I suppose. I keep forgetting about it. I'd rather sleep through it. Anyway I hope I can look back at this and laugh.
-sunshine
If I were in her shoes I would have hated me too, but of course I didn't realize that till now. I think we'll be better off seperated because there are too many mixed emotions between us. I feel strong emotions towards her for many different reasons and we both don't see eachothers point of view. I don't think my heart will ever let her go. There are many people falling off the bandwagon and yet what I really want from friends are people who would rather stay in then go out on weekends. Yes I'm an old fart at only 22. Oh yeah my 22nd birthday is this sunday-exciting I suppose. I keep forgetting about it. I'd rather sleep through it. Anyway I hope I can look back at this and laugh.
-sunshine