Stressed
I am so unbelievably stressed out right now. I can't stop worrying about money. All of a sudden it feels like we are drowning in debt. And every time we turn around we get an unexpected huge bill that HAS to be paid. We just got a bill from the federal government. J cashed in a RSP that we forgot about, so we have to pay $700. This extra income has also reduced our monthly Child Tax Benefit to $7 from $56. I just feel like we can never get ahead. We just finished paying an unexpected $1350 for property taxes just before Christmas. That was our Christmas money. So Christmas went on credit. I was going to use my year end bonus to pay for Christmas, but then we got this government bill and I found out that J's Visa was WAY over limit. So Christmas is still on credit. We will be getting a tax return, but that needs to be saved for car and house insurance and property taxes in the summer. And I am about to lose more than half my income when I go on maternity leave. Peanut will have to come out of daycare as of March 1 instead of staying in through new baby's arrival as originally planned. I am so discouraged. I try SO hard to be good with our money, but I don't know where it goes. I do get a top up from work, but that and any savings from pulling P out of daycare early will need to be saved for living expenses. So again, no extra debt payments. Hopefully those funds will keep us from having to use credit for a little longer. I have cut back on some of our expenses, like TV channels and some phone services. I need to call my cell phone provider and see if I can save anything there.
I am not sleeping. I am lucky if I can sleep until 4 am. Then I am wide awake and stressing about money and new baby and how I will manage with 2 kids and everything else under the sun. I just can't turn my brain off. Then I am so tired and can't deal with things.
I still haven't heard anything from Manulife in regards to whether or not my short term disability has been approved. The last communication I had from them was at the beginning of December. I sent an email early last week, but haven't heard anything yet. I am very frustrated. A part of me doesn't want to contact them anymore. I guess that I feel like if I keep poking my head out, someone may take a shot. But I need to know because I have information at work that needs to be filled out. I should just put on my big girl panties and call.
I think Peanut has the flu. I should have got us the flu shot, but I didn't and now she is SO sick. She has been sleeping all day (and this kid does not sleep) and she has had a fever (38.8) all day so far. The poor thing is miserable. She is supposed to start swimming lessons tomorrow, but I think we will be skipping it!
Baby's room is coming together. I think we are pretty much prepared. Still need formula, bottles, and sleepers, but that is about it. I am hoping to breast feed this time, so I don't want to buy too much in the way of bottle feeding supplies initially. I do have to sterilize the breast pump and get some breast milk storage bags. I am starting to freak out a little - starting at the new born stage again is daunting to say the least! Sometimes I feel like I am wrecking our amazing family dynamic and screwing up our rhythms. I know that new baby will fit in (eventually) and that we will develop new routines, I am just nervous of the steep learning curve that is headed our way.
I am getting so tired of being pregnant! I have had a bladder infection for 3 MONTHS!, I am puking daily again and I am not hungry! My weight gain has also stopped. Part of me is happy - the neurotic part - and the rest of me is a little worried. I know I am supposed to be gaining weight for the baby. My doctor didn't say anything at my last appointment and I would think that if she was concerned, I would have heard about it.
Boy am I Debbie Downer! But that is what this journal is for I guess, a place to get it all down on paper.
Gahhhhhhh! I just want to ...
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