(no subject)
I just don't see how you can sit there and passively let it go down the drain.
I'm talking to you on the IM, but it's like you're already gone, and I don't know what to do. I don't know who I'm going to discuss Alias with, I don't know who I'm going to cry to and show my stuff to and who I'm going to bitch to about people. I don't know who I'm always going to IM first without fail, who I'm going to stay up late on the IM with.
You say you saw it coming from the beginning, and I want to throttle you. If you say it coming, then WHY DIDN'T YOU NOT DO ANYTHING? Why did you let us become friends? Why didn't you just not even IM me on April 17th, 2003? Why did you let us apparently gutterball our way to an inevitable decline and fall? Why didn't you warn me more forcefully?
WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN?
You warned me. You told me that this would happen, that this has happened, but I brushed you aside with a cool air. It had happened to me before, but I could avoid it. I thought that we could escape our fate because I liked you so much, because we grew so close so fast, because right away I couldn't imagine not talking to you everyday.
We lasted a year, how much longer than that did you think it'd last? You said you didn't expect it so soon, so when was our expiration date? You knew our days were numbered, and when I counted the arguments that sent me running from the computer sobbing as minor hurtles that we could get over, you decided to stew and do nothing. When I tried to make it up to you, you sat stoic. You never tried to save it. You spoiled it in your mind so that when it went bad, you could say that it was never any good to begin with.
It's not your fault and it's not mine, supposedly.
And I want, so much, to hate you, you have no idea. In a way I do, because I AM blaming you, because I am trying my damnedest to save what we have and you have resigned yourself to this, to this not-what-we-used-to-be-ness.
Do you look at my screenname and wonder why we're not talking? Do you respond impersonally to posts? You never call me by my nickname anymore. You never use my name at all.
You don't care at all, do you?
No, this isn't fair, it's certainly my fault, somewhere along the line.
I miss you, dammit. And I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
I'm talking to you on the IM, but it's like you're already gone, and I don't know what to do. I don't know who I'm going to discuss Alias with, I don't know who I'm going to cry to and show my stuff to and who I'm going to bitch to about people. I don't know who I'm always going to IM first without fail, who I'm going to stay up late on the IM with.
You say you saw it coming from the beginning, and I want to throttle you. If you say it coming, then WHY DIDN'T YOU NOT DO ANYTHING? Why did you let us become friends? Why didn't you just not even IM me on April 17th, 2003? Why did you let us apparently gutterball our way to an inevitable decline and fall? Why didn't you warn me more forcefully?
WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN?
You warned me. You told me that this would happen, that this has happened, but I brushed you aside with a cool air. It had happened to me before, but I could avoid it. I thought that we could escape our fate because I liked you so much, because we grew so close so fast, because right away I couldn't imagine not talking to you everyday.
We lasted a year, how much longer than that did you think it'd last? You said you didn't expect it so soon, so when was our expiration date? You knew our days were numbered, and when I counted the arguments that sent me running from the computer sobbing as minor hurtles that we could get over, you decided to stew and do nothing. When I tried to make it up to you, you sat stoic. You never tried to save it. You spoiled it in your mind so that when it went bad, you could say that it was never any good to begin with.
It's not your fault and it's not mine, supposedly.
And I want, so much, to hate you, you have no idea. In a way I do, because I AM blaming you, because I am trying my damnedest to save what we have and you have resigned yourself to this, to this not-what-we-used-to-be-ness.
Do you look at my screenname and wonder why we're not talking? Do you respond impersonally to posts? You never call me by my nickname anymore. You never use my name at all.
You don't care at all, do you?
No, this isn't fair, it's certainly my fault, somewhere along the line.
I miss you, dammit. And I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.