Guilt
So, I go to write my ficathon fic... and find this instead. And realize it needs to be finished. So I did it!
Title: Guilt.
Fandom: Alias
Character: Nadia Santos
Theme set: gamma
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of its characters, they belong to JJ and those lovely people at ABC.
Rating: PG-13
#01 - Snow:
She always felt that snow had some magical quality, the ability to make even the ugliest things sparkle.
#02 - Child:
There are times when she is confronted by Jack Bristow that she feels like little more than a ragged, dirt streaked orphan.
#03 - Brick:
The first time she was arrested, she was slammed into a wall so hard the brick's rough surface left an imprint.
#04 - Judgment:
The Virgin Mary's eyes carried too much condemnation to make Nadia anything but repentant.
#05 - Powder:
She tried cocaine once when she was a teenager because one of her boyfriends told her she should, but the high was so uncomfortably familiar she never did it again.
#06 - Grim:
The gypsy who read her fortune once had set her mouth in a grim line before letting a wide, false smile spread.
#07 - Trap:
Nadia loves her new family, but sometimes she can't help but feel that relatives are nothing but a comfortable sort of prison.
#08 - Star:
Even the stars are different in Los Angeles.
#09 - Possession:
There are some illusions that she has of her mother that she won't share with her sister: that her favorite flowers were lilies, that she smelled like violets, and that she had the same eyes that the Virgin Mary had in the paintings.
#10 - Bandage:
Her sister tries to wrap up old wounds in sweet words.
#11 - Pearl:
In the old pictures Sydney shows her, her mother wears ropes of pearls that her husband had given her as tokens of affection.
#12 - Glass:
The shards of glass shone brightly, but none as bright as the ones stained with her blood.
#13 - Classified:
When she's feeling brave, she uses her clearance level to check the file on her mother, looking lovingly at the impersonal pictures and ignoring her misdeeds.
#14 - Buttons:
Orphans, she realizes, are like buttons: small, plentiful, and unimportant.
#15 - Closet:
Both of the sisters have remarkably neat closets, seeing as neither has the clutter of earlier years to haunt them.
#16 - Ash:
Nadia was an expert in mixing ashes with water for makeup; it was the only thing that made her look old enough to do what she needed to do.
#17 - Definition:
With every new piece she finds she loses something of herself- no longer an orphan, no longer a runaway, no longer an Argentine.
#18 - Staircase:
Sometimes the serum makes her feel like she is gliding down a long set of stairs into a gentle nothing.
#19 - Nail:
The sisters had crowed triumphantly when they had nailed up a shelf in Nadia's room, and then bent to pick up the nails they'd ruined.
#20 - Prey:
They were both the prey and the predator, she realizes dizzily as he kisses her.
#21 - Backwards:
Sometimes, when she's under, she feels the rip tides that make her want to stay there forever, just as she did when she was a little girl.
#22 - Trouble:
She could make things very unpleasant for many if she were to pursue this, she thinks with her mother's smile, but she thinks that Jack Bristow might be worth it.
#23 - Little:
There is little resistance when she starts subtly asking to work with Jack more; most think it is because she wants to learn from the best.
#24 - Collar:
The collar was just the final touch to the already ridiculous costume, but it was enough to make her blush deeply.
#25 - Circle:
Sometimes she feels that she could run circles around her father and jump up and down and still he wouldn't acknowledge her unless she was helping him reach Rambaldi.
#26 - Hands:
When she meets her mother for the first time, she sees that she has her hands, strong and capable.
#27 - Freedom:
Occasionally Nadia misses the freedom she'd had before, the freedom that had come with having no family and no one to care.
#28 - Last:
The last piece of the puzzle had fallen into place when Irina herself had appeared.
#29 - Scab:
Nadia could never leave well enough alone, and she creates moonlight scars on her skin.
#30 - Crown:
The crown Nadia is assigned to steal is delicate and beautiful, a princess crown, and she feels hopelessly intimidated by what it represents.
#31 - Time:
There will be time for it later, she had told herself about everything, including love and him, but she had been too optimistic.
#32 - Rice:
Nadia and her sister have similar tastes in food, but Sydney doesn't quite understand the wonderful, understated comfort of rice.
#33 - Worn:
She compares herself to the worn pictures of her mother, searching for something of Irina's that is hers as well, even though Irina herself is hiding in Laura.
#34 - Paint:
The butter yellow walls of her bedroom always remind her of her sister's acceptance and how the day they painted it, they really talked for the first time.
#35 - Ache:
Seeing families walking together always gave her a deep pang that throbbed.
#36 - Cherry:
She tells her sister she won't eat cherries because they make her nauseous, but the real reason is that the stain of the juice on her fingers makes her nervous.
#37 - Library:
Her father has a library in his home full of books that have remained untouched for years.
#38 - Win:
Her sister sometimes assures her that the life she has now is the prize she won for enduring so much.
#39 - Loss:
When she leaves Los Angeles, she wonders if Sydney misses her as much as she misses Sydney.
#40 - Fold:
She is able to fold lies into her words so neatly that no one can see them.
#41 - Music:
Nadia's father loves opera, but she politely asks him not to play it in her presence.
#42 - Bell:
The sound of church bells always made her pause; at the orphanage they had said it was God's way of calling his children to mass, and Nadia had feared God too much in her youth not to obey.
#43 - Sleep:
She wishes that while she was being kept in coma that she could fall under the same spell as Aurora and sleep through everything: the injections, the prodding, the harsh lights and noises, the soft crying of her sister and the hollow apologies of her father.
#44 - Contact:
Contacting Cesar makes the past come back to haunt her.
#45 - Electricity:
The air crackles when she works with him, and the few times they have brushed against one another sent off sparks.
#46 - Milk:
Sydney has to explain the remark made that she had "the milk of human kindness" because she's never read Macbeth.
#47 - Wild:
When Nadia surveys the life she has now, she finds it hard to believe how wild she had been in her youth.
#48 - Expectation:
The man she envisioned as a father for years is nothing like the father she receives.
#49 - Mechanism:
The small gadget Marshall had made her works perfectly, whirring gently as she slices through wood to get to the prize that lay beneath.
#50 - Finale:
She expected to die in a loud, explosive way, something with noise and color and excitement, but instead she dies with a gentle tinkling of glass.
Title: Guilt.
Fandom: Alias
Character: Nadia Santos
Theme set: gamma
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of its characters, they belong to JJ and those lovely people at ABC.
Rating: PG-13
#01 - Snow:
She always felt that snow had some magical quality, the ability to make even the ugliest things sparkle.
#02 - Child:
There are times when she is confronted by Jack Bristow that she feels like little more than a ragged, dirt streaked orphan.
#03 - Brick:
The first time she was arrested, she was slammed into a wall so hard the brick's rough surface left an imprint.
#04 - Judgment:
The Virgin Mary's eyes carried too much condemnation to make Nadia anything but repentant.
#05 - Powder:
She tried cocaine once when she was a teenager because one of her boyfriends told her she should, but the high was so uncomfortably familiar she never did it again.
#06 - Grim:
The gypsy who read her fortune once had set her mouth in a grim line before letting a wide, false smile spread.
#07 - Trap:
Nadia loves her new family, but sometimes she can't help but feel that relatives are nothing but a comfortable sort of prison.
#08 - Star:
Even the stars are different in Los Angeles.
#09 - Possession:
There are some illusions that she has of her mother that she won't share with her sister: that her favorite flowers were lilies, that she smelled like violets, and that she had the same eyes that the Virgin Mary had in the paintings.
#10 - Bandage:
Her sister tries to wrap up old wounds in sweet words.
#11 - Pearl:
In the old pictures Sydney shows her, her mother wears ropes of pearls that her husband had given her as tokens of affection.
#12 - Glass:
The shards of glass shone brightly, but none as bright as the ones stained with her blood.
#13 - Classified:
When she's feeling brave, she uses her clearance level to check the file on her mother, looking lovingly at the impersonal pictures and ignoring her misdeeds.
#14 - Buttons:
Orphans, she realizes, are like buttons: small, plentiful, and unimportant.
#15 - Closet:
Both of the sisters have remarkably neat closets, seeing as neither has the clutter of earlier years to haunt them.
#16 - Ash:
Nadia was an expert in mixing ashes with water for makeup; it was the only thing that made her look old enough to do what she needed to do.
#17 - Definition:
With every new piece she finds she loses something of herself- no longer an orphan, no longer a runaway, no longer an Argentine.
#18 - Staircase:
Sometimes the serum makes her feel like she is gliding down a long set of stairs into a gentle nothing.
#19 - Nail:
The sisters had crowed triumphantly when they had nailed up a shelf in Nadia's room, and then bent to pick up the nails they'd ruined.
#20 - Prey:
They were both the prey and the predator, she realizes dizzily as he kisses her.
#21 - Backwards:
Sometimes, when she's under, she feels the rip tides that make her want to stay there forever, just as she did when she was a little girl.
#22 - Trouble:
She could make things very unpleasant for many if she were to pursue this, she thinks with her mother's smile, but she thinks that Jack Bristow might be worth it.
#23 - Little:
There is little resistance when she starts subtly asking to work with Jack more; most think it is because she wants to learn from the best.
#24 - Collar:
The collar was just the final touch to the already ridiculous costume, but it was enough to make her blush deeply.
#25 - Circle:
Sometimes she feels that she could run circles around her father and jump up and down and still he wouldn't acknowledge her unless she was helping him reach Rambaldi.
#26 - Hands:
When she meets her mother for the first time, she sees that she has her hands, strong and capable.
#27 - Freedom:
Occasionally Nadia misses the freedom she'd had before, the freedom that had come with having no family and no one to care.
#28 - Last:
The last piece of the puzzle had fallen into place when Irina herself had appeared.
#29 - Scab:
Nadia could never leave well enough alone, and she creates moonlight scars on her skin.
#30 - Crown:
The crown Nadia is assigned to steal is delicate and beautiful, a princess crown, and she feels hopelessly intimidated by what it represents.
#31 - Time:
There will be time for it later, she had told herself about everything, including love and him, but she had been too optimistic.
#32 - Rice:
Nadia and her sister have similar tastes in food, but Sydney doesn't quite understand the wonderful, understated comfort of rice.
#33 - Worn:
She compares herself to the worn pictures of her mother, searching for something of Irina's that is hers as well, even though Irina herself is hiding in Laura.
#34 - Paint:
The butter yellow walls of her bedroom always remind her of her sister's acceptance and how the day they painted it, they really talked for the first time.
#35 - Ache:
Seeing families walking together always gave her a deep pang that throbbed.
#36 - Cherry:
She tells her sister she won't eat cherries because they make her nauseous, but the real reason is that the stain of the juice on her fingers makes her nervous.
#37 - Library:
Her father has a library in his home full of books that have remained untouched for years.
#38 - Win:
Her sister sometimes assures her that the life she has now is the prize she won for enduring so much.
#39 - Loss:
When she leaves Los Angeles, she wonders if Sydney misses her as much as she misses Sydney.
#40 - Fold:
She is able to fold lies into her words so neatly that no one can see them.
#41 - Music:
Nadia's father loves opera, but she politely asks him not to play it in her presence.
#42 - Bell:
The sound of church bells always made her pause; at the orphanage they had said it was God's way of calling his children to mass, and Nadia had feared God too much in her youth not to obey.
#43 - Sleep:
She wishes that while she was being kept in coma that she could fall under the same spell as Aurora and sleep through everything: the injections, the prodding, the harsh lights and noises, the soft crying of her sister and the hollow apologies of her father.
#44 - Contact:
Contacting Cesar makes the past come back to haunt her.
#45 - Electricity:
The air crackles when she works with him, and the few times they have brushed against one another sent off sparks.
#46 - Milk:
Sydney has to explain the remark made that she had "the milk of human kindness" because she's never read Macbeth.
#47 - Wild:
When Nadia surveys the life she has now, she finds it hard to believe how wild she had been in her youth.
#48 - Expectation:
The man she envisioned as a father for years is nothing like the father she receives.
#49 - Mechanism:
The small gadget Marshall had made her works perfectly, whirring gently as she slices through wood to get to the prize that lay beneath.
#50 - Finale:
She expected to die in a loud, explosive way, something with noise and color and excitement, but instead she dies with a gentle tinkling of glass.