everything is pointless...
We need $500 for rent. yea we have a total of $75 which some of that will need to be used to gas & groceries next week. so basically we need $500 if not more. I dont know how Sean expects me to do all this on my own. Even if i work a lot n got a check like the one i got last week i wouldn't have enough to pay the rent.
I seriously dont even see a point to working anymore, im doing it by myself and couldnt cover rent, fpl, & clearwire no matter how hard i tried. its just useless. Sean just thinks he can blame our issues on my car but my car is my only way to get to & from work and it wouldnt do me any good to have a car that constantly breaks down & threatens the life of me n the baby n risks having us stuck on the side of the road & then pay thousands over & over to get it fixed. he doesnt understand that though. he doesnt have a clue how many thousands of dollars & busted my ass to get just to get my car fixed so it would make it another day or week until it did it again. atleast this way im paying a lot but its for a reliable car that i dont have to stress over where ill break down next and if the baby will be okay. he doesnt get how much i fucking loved that eclipse, no duh i wnated to keep it but i had to do what was right for the baby.
but ofcourse thats just another thing that is all my fault. go figure.
but its not like it matters cuz no matter what i do or say its never good enough for him. Ill never be good enough for his non-human fucking standards anyways. I cant keep dealing with all the shit he puts me through every single night. he doesnt have any clue how much stuff i do and how much stress i have and then he still wants to spend hours every night fighting and yelling at me telling me how fucking horrible i am n that ill never satisfy him. to sit there n put up with that and him saying hes just gonna go find someone else and everything n then he knows hes fucking tearing me apart n making me cry n he just keeps on, then hes like oh im sorry when its obvious he doesnt mean it cuz 10 minutes later he just starts right back up at it. so then i have to put up with that all night long then still end up hurt and crying in the morning. he doesnt even fucking care how i feel or the fact that it hurts and im so exhausted from everything. he thinks that because hes helped out a tiny little bit for the past few days that thats just supposed to take away everything ive done the past 4 months to make me this tired. he has no clue how bad i feel to fucking wake up to a crying baby in the night n just wanting to fucking ignore him n go back to sleep cuz your so damn tired you cant even get yourself out of bed to go help your defenseless child that did nothing wrong.
there's so much more to say but i dont have the time.
XxXTangled_In_The_PainXxX
I seriously dont even see a point to working anymore, im doing it by myself and couldnt cover rent, fpl, & clearwire no matter how hard i tried. its just useless. Sean just thinks he can blame our issues on my car but my car is my only way to get to & from work and it wouldnt do me any good to have a car that constantly breaks down & threatens the life of me n the baby n risks having us stuck on the side of the road & then pay thousands over & over to get it fixed. he doesnt understand that though. he doesnt have a clue how many thousands of dollars & busted my ass to get just to get my car fixed so it would make it another day or week until it did it again. atleast this way im paying a lot but its for a reliable car that i dont have to stress over where ill break down next and if the baby will be okay. he doesnt get how much i fucking loved that eclipse, no duh i wnated to keep it but i had to do what was right for the baby.
but ofcourse thats just another thing that is all my fault. go figure.
but its not like it matters cuz no matter what i do or say its never good enough for him. Ill never be good enough for his non-human fucking standards anyways. I cant keep dealing with all the shit he puts me through every single night. he doesnt have any clue how much stuff i do and how much stress i have and then he still wants to spend hours every night fighting and yelling at me telling me how fucking horrible i am n that ill never satisfy him. to sit there n put up with that and him saying hes just gonna go find someone else and everything n then he knows hes fucking tearing me apart n making me cry n he just keeps on, then hes like oh im sorry when its obvious he doesnt mean it cuz 10 minutes later he just starts right back up at it. so then i have to put up with that all night long then still end up hurt and crying in the morning. he doesnt even fucking care how i feel or the fact that it hurts and im so exhausted from everything. he thinks that because hes helped out a tiny little bit for the past few days that thats just supposed to take away everything ive done the past 4 months to make me this tired. he has no clue how bad i feel to fucking wake up to a crying baby in the night n just wanting to fucking ignore him n go back to sleep cuz your so damn tired you cant even get yourself out of bed to go help your defenseless child that did nothing wrong.
there's so much more to say but i dont have the time.
XxXTangled_In_The_PainXxX