fic: All He Had Left Was Hope
Title: All He Had Left Was Hope
Rating: G
Ships: gen
Words: ~2,000
Notes: Written because I'm kind of suffering emotionally because my brother is leaving for the Army tomorrow and this seemed like the best way to just... emote.
Summary: Finn's about to leave for the Army. He doesn't know how he feels about it, and he doesn't want to say goodbye. Too bad he has to, anyway.
Finn sat with his face buried in his hands, a million thoughts swimming through his head but not a single one actually making sense. “You know, maybe it’s better that I sent Rachel off to New York like I did,” he mused, his voice soft.
It was nearly two o’clock in the morning and Finn couldn’t get his brain to stop moving. Finn was a teenage boy, and as such, he slept. A lot. But he couldn’t that night, because in the morning he’d be going off to his recruitment station and being sent off to the airport to fly to Oklahoma where he’d start basic training for the Army. A lot was happening for him in the next twenty-four hours and he couldn’t get his mind to stop. “What makes you say that?” Kurt asked, speaking equally as quiet as he sat down next to Finn on his bed.
Kurt had just been sitting around reading, trying to fall asleep, but sleep eluded him as well. Being around Finn was such a staple in Kurt’s day-to-day routine that now he just didn’t know what he’d do without him around. Kurt offered out a mug of warm milk, and Finn happily took it. “Maybe I’m not meant to do this after all,” Finn said, dejected.
“Don’t say that,” Kurt insisted. His heart hurt at the thought of Finn leaving - especially knowing Finn didn’t quite believe in himself and his decision the way he should. “You’re a hero, and you want to do this. You’re going to make us so proud. You’re going to make your dad so proud.”
Kurt held his own mug of warm milk in his hands as he sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Finn, who was leaning against the headboard, slumped against the pillows. “Will you write to me, dude?” Finn asked softly.
He knew everyone they’d graduated with would be going their own way. He knew that Quinn was already packing for Yale and Puck had started on his trek out to L.A. because apparently some MILF decided to “invest” in him. So this was it. Finn had his family, mostly. “Of course I’ll write to you,” Kurt insisted. “Every day. As much as I can.”
“I’m gonna miss you.”
The words were exactly what Kurt would have wanted to hear years ago, back when he was crushing on him or back when their families first moved in together, but now Kurt didn’t want to hear them. Kurt didn’t like hearing them because it meant saying goodbye and that wasn’t something he wanted to do. He’d already had to say goodbye to his best friend. Now his brother? It was more than Kurt really wanted to handle. “I’m going to miss you too, Finn,” Kurt said, and then leaned in to take a sip from his mug so Finn wouldn’t see the way his lip was trembling.
Kurt’s eyes had been glassy for the past few days as he watched Finn pack things away, get rid of some old clothes, and try to decide what few things he’d bring with him to wear. He’d have to pack them up once he got there and only wear military-issue things until he was high enough in rank to be able to wear civilian clothes again. Kurt couldn’t imagine handing over his clothes, but he wasn’t the same type of guy as Finn was. “Do… do you remember when glee club first started? When sometimes it would be just you and me and sometimes Artie working on songs? It’s weird to think that there used to only be six of us…” Finn mused.
Kurt blocked out all the bullying and taunting Finn had done blindly back then and nodded. “You were the only two guys in the school that didn’t hate me,” Kurt pointed out.
Finn looked up at Kurt sadly, and Kurt’s eyes locked with Finn’s. Finn’s worried look twisted into one of sadness as he realized that Kurt’s eyes were just as tear-filled as his own. “I don’t want to go,” he shook his head.
“You can do this, Finn,” Kurt insisted. “This is… this is way better than what I’m going to be doing. Whatever I decide to do. I’m stuck here. But you… you get to go see the world. You can go to school on the military’s money and travel the world and… you get to be the hero that your dad was.” Finn opened his mouth to argue and Kurt just shook his head. “Your dad was a hero, Finn. No matter what he did with the rest of his life, he saved lives and that makes him an amazing man.”
Finn just nodded, words failing him again. “What if I flunk out?” he asked softly. “What if I’m not enough of a man to make it through?”
“You are.”
Finn’s eyes filled with awe and adoration at Kurt’s proclamation. “You really think that much of me?” Finn asked, surprised.
Kurt nodded. “Of course,” he insisted. “I always have.”
Kurt offered Finn a small smile, but it was all he could manage. Saying goodbye to people hurt and he wasn’t ready for it. “Remember when you were the only one that liked my prom outfit junior year?” Kurt asked as he and Finn kept sipping at their warm milk. Finn smiled and laughed a little at the memory. “You have no idea how much that meant to me,” Kurt added.
“Dude, that was like the best outfit at prom,” Finn said with a smile, a stray tear pushed out of his eye and down his cheek as he smiled.
Kurt just returned the gesture, and he and Finn reminisced well past their mugs were emptied. Slowly, Finn stretched and moved to leave, but Kurt reached out for him, grabbing his wrist to stop him. “You can stay here tonight if you want,” Kurt said. “Our last night together in the same house.” Finn turned to Kurt, surprise evident in his features. “We’ll never get the chance to do this again. Things are never going to be the same.”
Kurt frowned at the thought, and Finn just nodded, Kurt’s words haunting him. He climbed under the blankets and so did Kurt, and neither of them felt the slightest bit awkward. Living together for over two years could do that to a person. “I love you, man,” Finn said through the darkness as he felt Kurt snuggle just close enough to feel Finn’s body heat.
“I love you too, Finn. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother,” Kurt whispered, the emotion causing his voice to crack, leaving him only able to whisper.
They fell asleep like that, and morning came much too soon. Finn, Kurt, Carole, and Burt got into Carole’s car, Finn’s small gym bag full of everything he could bring with him sitting unmentioned on the backseat between Kurt and Finn. The car drive was absolutely silent all the way to the recruitment station. Finn climbed out of the car, unable to handle saying goodbye. Burt looked choked up, and Carole and Kurt were openly crying. “We’ll come say goodbye at the airport,” Carole insisted, hugging Finn close. “This isn’t goodbye yet sweetheart.”
Finn looked at her sadly and tried to offer a smile. The recruiter walked up and shook everyone’s hands, and then led Finn inside before another word could be said. The whole walk inside, Finn watched his family, and as they drove away, he felt a strange emptiness inside of him. They were gone. Rachel was gone. High school was in the past and now here he was, alone, about to get shipped off to a state he’d never been to where nobody would want to visit. It killed him inside, but he had to do this. He had to make his dad proud.
Riding in the bus all the way to the airport sucked. The other guys looked to be in way better shape physically, but also emotionally. None of them looked near tears like Finn thought he looked, and none of them were fidgeting or looked nervous in the least. They just looked… content. Secure in their decision. It bothered Finn the entire ride to the airport.
As promised, his family was right inside the airport, waiting by security. Carole rushed forward again, like many parents did for their children, and Kurt was right at her side. But what surprised Finn was that they weren’t alone. Nearly the whole glee club stood with them, behind them, watching with a mix of happiness and sadness. “You guys…?” Finn trailed off, but he couldn’t say another word.
One by one, they all rushed forward to hug him. Brittany was openly crying, and Santana even looked on the verge of tears as she pulled Finn in for a big hug. Sugar overdramatically buried her face in his chest for a bit longer than a normal hug, and Sam hugged him just like Sugar did. Joe gave him a hand shake, Finn leaned in to hug Artie, and Tina and Mike shared a big hug with him as well. Blaine was there for a fist bump, and in the back of the entire crowd stood Puck. “I thought you left, man?” Finn asked.
Puck shook his head. “I couldn’t. Not without a decent goodbye,” he said, his expression steeled to try to hide the fact that he was saying goodbye to the friend he’d had since elementary school. “I’m gonna miss you, dude. Take care of yourself.”
Fist extended, Puck waited for a fist bump, and he got it, but what followed was something he wasn’t expecting. Finn wrapped him into a big hug. “I’m gonna miss you too,” Finn whispered.
The gesture might have been a little over-emotional and not Puck’s usual style, but saying goodbye to someone you’d known practically your whole life wasn’t easy. Puck squeezed Finn tight, letting the hug last as long as Finn would, because Finn had been the only dude he’d had around for an example for longer than was probably right. Saying goodbye to Finn was like, saying goodbye to childhood and everything was good and decent in his life, and Puck really didn’t want to. Finally the hug broke and the recruiter walked over to tell Finn that it was time to go. Affirmations of love and well wishes flooded Finn’s ears, and he gave Burt a hug, and then Kurt, and then his mom, who didn’t want to let go. “You be sure to write,” she said firmly as she wiped away her tears.
Finn nodded adamantly and let himself be tugged away, his friends and family slowly disappearing behind him until he couldn’t see them at all. In the plane, he stared down at the airport, never wanting it to fall out of sight. Inevitably, it did, and Finn found himself all alone. Sure, he’d make friends with the guys in his platoon, but it wasn’t the same. Things would never be the same again. This time, Finn just had to make sure he got out okay, and then maybe he could go back and find that life didn’t move on without him. Maybe he’d find that there was still someone back home that wanted him after all the work he was about to put into the Army.
All Finn had left was hope.
Rating: G
Ships: gen
Words: ~2,000
Notes: Written because I'm kind of suffering emotionally because my brother is leaving for the Army tomorrow and this seemed like the best way to just... emote.
Summary: Finn's about to leave for the Army. He doesn't know how he feels about it, and he doesn't want to say goodbye. Too bad he has to, anyway.
Finn sat with his face buried in his hands, a million thoughts swimming through his head but not a single one actually making sense. “You know, maybe it’s better that I sent Rachel off to New York like I did,” he mused, his voice soft.
It was nearly two o’clock in the morning and Finn couldn’t get his brain to stop moving. Finn was a teenage boy, and as such, he slept. A lot. But he couldn’t that night, because in the morning he’d be going off to his recruitment station and being sent off to the airport to fly to Oklahoma where he’d start basic training for the Army. A lot was happening for him in the next twenty-four hours and he couldn’t get his mind to stop. “What makes you say that?” Kurt asked, speaking equally as quiet as he sat down next to Finn on his bed.
Kurt had just been sitting around reading, trying to fall asleep, but sleep eluded him as well. Being around Finn was such a staple in Kurt’s day-to-day routine that now he just didn’t know what he’d do without him around. Kurt offered out a mug of warm milk, and Finn happily took it. “Maybe I’m not meant to do this after all,” Finn said, dejected.
“Don’t say that,” Kurt insisted. His heart hurt at the thought of Finn leaving - especially knowing Finn didn’t quite believe in himself and his decision the way he should. “You’re a hero, and you want to do this. You’re going to make us so proud. You’re going to make your dad so proud.”
Kurt held his own mug of warm milk in his hands as he sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Finn, who was leaning against the headboard, slumped against the pillows. “Will you write to me, dude?” Finn asked softly.
He knew everyone they’d graduated with would be going their own way. He knew that Quinn was already packing for Yale and Puck had started on his trek out to L.A. because apparently some MILF decided to “invest” in him. So this was it. Finn had his family, mostly. “Of course I’ll write to you,” Kurt insisted. “Every day. As much as I can.”
“I’m gonna miss you.”
The words were exactly what Kurt would have wanted to hear years ago, back when he was crushing on him or back when their families first moved in together, but now Kurt didn’t want to hear them. Kurt didn’t like hearing them because it meant saying goodbye and that wasn’t something he wanted to do. He’d already had to say goodbye to his best friend. Now his brother? It was more than Kurt really wanted to handle. “I’m going to miss you too, Finn,” Kurt said, and then leaned in to take a sip from his mug so Finn wouldn’t see the way his lip was trembling.
Kurt’s eyes had been glassy for the past few days as he watched Finn pack things away, get rid of some old clothes, and try to decide what few things he’d bring with him to wear. He’d have to pack them up once he got there and only wear military-issue things until he was high enough in rank to be able to wear civilian clothes again. Kurt couldn’t imagine handing over his clothes, but he wasn’t the same type of guy as Finn was. “Do… do you remember when glee club first started? When sometimes it would be just you and me and sometimes Artie working on songs? It’s weird to think that there used to only be six of us…” Finn mused.
Kurt blocked out all the bullying and taunting Finn had done blindly back then and nodded. “You were the only two guys in the school that didn’t hate me,” Kurt pointed out.
Finn looked up at Kurt sadly, and Kurt’s eyes locked with Finn’s. Finn’s worried look twisted into one of sadness as he realized that Kurt’s eyes were just as tear-filled as his own. “I don’t want to go,” he shook his head.
“You can do this, Finn,” Kurt insisted. “This is… this is way better than what I’m going to be doing. Whatever I decide to do. I’m stuck here. But you… you get to go see the world. You can go to school on the military’s money and travel the world and… you get to be the hero that your dad was.” Finn opened his mouth to argue and Kurt just shook his head. “Your dad was a hero, Finn. No matter what he did with the rest of his life, he saved lives and that makes him an amazing man.”
Finn just nodded, words failing him again. “What if I flunk out?” he asked softly. “What if I’m not enough of a man to make it through?”
“You are.”
Finn’s eyes filled with awe and adoration at Kurt’s proclamation. “You really think that much of me?” Finn asked, surprised.
Kurt nodded. “Of course,” he insisted. “I always have.”
Kurt offered Finn a small smile, but it was all he could manage. Saying goodbye to people hurt and he wasn’t ready for it. “Remember when you were the only one that liked my prom outfit junior year?” Kurt asked as he and Finn kept sipping at their warm milk. Finn smiled and laughed a little at the memory. “You have no idea how much that meant to me,” Kurt added.
“Dude, that was like the best outfit at prom,” Finn said with a smile, a stray tear pushed out of his eye and down his cheek as he smiled.
Kurt just returned the gesture, and he and Finn reminisced well past their mugs were emptied. Slowly, Finn stretched and moved to leave, but Kurt reached out for him, grabbing his wrist to stop him. “You can stay here tonight if you want,” Kurt said. “Our last night together in the same house.” Finn turned to Kurt, surprise evident in his features. “We’ll never get the chance to do this again. Things are never going to be the same.”
Kurt frowned at the thought, and Finn just nodded, Kurt’s words haunting him. He climbed under the blankets and so did Kurt, and neither of them felt the slightest bit awkward. Living together for over two years could do that to a person. “I love you, man,” Finn said through the darkness as he felt Kurt snuggle just close enough to feel Finn’s body heat.
“I love you too, Finn. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother,” Kurt whispered, the emotion causing his voice to crack, leaving him only able to whisper.
They fell asleep like that, and morning came much too soon. Finn, Kurt, Carole, and Burt got into Carole’s car, Finn’s small gym bag full of everything he could bring with him sitting unmentioned on the backseat between Kurt and Finn. The car drive was absolutely silent all the way to the recruitment station. Finn climbed out of the car, unable to handle saying goodbye. Burt looked choked up, and Carole and Kurt were openly crying. “We’ll come say goodbye at the airport,” Carole insisted, hugging Finn close. “This isn’t goodbye yet sweetheart.”
Finn looked at her sadly and tried to offer a smile. The recruiter walked up and shook everyone’s hands, and then led Finn inside before another word could be said. The whole walk inside, Finn watched his family, and as they drove away, he felt a strange emptiness inside of him. They were gone. Rachel was gone. High school was in the past and now here he was, alone, about to get shipped off to a state he’d never been to where nobody would want to visit. It killed him inside, but he had to do this. He had to make his dad proud.
Riding in the bus all the way to the airport sucked. The other guys looked to be in way better shape physically, but also emotionally. None of them looked near tears like Finn thought he looked, and none of them were fidgeting or looked nervous in the least. They just looked… content. Secure in their decision. It bothered Finn the entire ride to the airport.
As promised, his family was right inside the airport, waiting by security. Carole rushed forward again, like many parents did for their children, and Kurt was right at her side. But what surprised Finn was that they weren’t alone. Nearly the whole glee club stood with them, behind them, watching with a mix of happiness and sadness. “You guys…?” Finn trailed off, but he couldn’t say another word.
One by one, they all rushed forward to hug him. Brittany was openly crying, and Santana even looked on the verge of tears as she pulled Finn in for a big hug. Sugar overdramatically buried her face in his chest for a bit longer than a normal hug, and Sam hugged him just like Sugar did. Joe gave him a hand shake, Finn leaned in to hug Artie, and Tina and Mike shared a big hug with him as well. Blaine was there for a fist bump, and in the back of the entire crowd stood Puck. “I thought you left, man?” Finn asked.
Puck shook his head. “I couldn’t. Not without a decent goodbye,” he said, his expression steeled to try to hide the fact that he was saying goodbye to the friend he’d had since elementary school. “I’m gonna miss you, dude. Take care of yourself.”
Fist extended, Puck waited for a fist bump, and he got it, but what followed was something he wasn’t expecting. Finn wrapped him into a big hug. “I’m gonna miss you too,” Finn whispered.
The gesture might have been a little over-emotional and not Puck’s usual style, but saying goodbye to someone you’d known practically your whole life wasn’t easy. Puck squeezed Finn tight, letting the hug last as long as Finn would, because Finn had been the only dude he’d had around for an example for longer than was probably right. Saying goodbye to Finn was like, saying goodbye to childhood and everything was good and decent in his life, and Puck really didn’t want to. Finally the hug broke and the recruiter walked over to tell Finn that it was time to go. Affirmations of love and well wishes flooded Finn’s ears, and he gave Burt a hug, and then Kurt, and then his mom, who didn’t want to let go. “You be sure to write,” she said firmly as she wiped away her tears.
Finn nodded adamantly and let himself be tugged away, his friends and family slowly disappearing behind him until he couldn’t see them at all. In the plane, he stared down at the airport, never wanting it to fall out of sight. Inevitably, it did, and Finn found himself all alone. Sure, he’d make friends with the guys in his platoon, but it wasn’t the same. Things would never be the same again. This time, Finn just had to make sure he got out okay, and then maybe he could go back and find that life didn’t move on without him. Maybe he’d find that there was still someone back home that wanted him after all the work he was about to put into the Army.
All Finn had left was hope.