Sometimes I feel lost...
I never knew that life would be so tough. Everyday. Just like the last. What was that image, the one I had that my life would be like. Freedom. Love. Laughter. Fun. No, none. Life is a consistent cycle of working and no fun. I have to do it all again just to make it to the next bill, the next due, the next charge. What is life supposed to be? I know that it doesn't have to be this...I could spend less time caring. I could stay in from work when I wanted, lose my job and probably have more fun. But then where would I be? On the street? Starting over from the beginning? If it doesn't have to be like this...Then how can it be so different than what I thought it would be...I need time sometimes...To do exactly what I want. I want things to be free sometimes...Even if it is just laughter. Laughter and smiles aren't free? No, not anymore. Someone was always paying for them, it just wasn't me. Will all this change? What if there is more money to be made? Will that make it better, or just easier to deal with? Money is not what is at stake..my happiness is. Money will not make me happier or better, but it would make things a hell of alot easier. I can't believe that life looks so different from one stage to the next...I hope that one day I will view it differently. One day maybe it will be easier, or atleast not as stressful.