Missin u Mommy
Today was a hard day.. it is 3 years today since my mommy left nd i was to never see her again. i still get upset and scared every day knowing i have to go on without you. Just to think i wont ever hear your voice again and feel your hug. the holidays are coming up and my birhtday and thats always hard. i remember when i was 15 and told you i wanted a suprise party for my 16th and you told me ook and laughed at me but i knew you would have done it for me because u just wanted me to be happpy. luckily i have best friends who knew what i needed. i hold back my tears when i think about my future. i wish you could see me on graduation when i look up in the stands and see my father all by his self i know there will be a part of me missing and it will break my heart that my children will never see you or expierience your happiness and humor. ill never understand why i have to pay such a hard price.. i would do anything and evrything to see you one more time and say goodbye to you. i wish i coulda said goodbye. i know your watching over me and all my loved ones, i wish you werent lookin over me ..i wish you were next to me so i could hug you forever. if i could i would give up seeing you if there was a chance u could be with my dadddy one more time. there is so much pain in his eyes and i wish i could take it away but it wil always be there. i wish david could of met you and you met him.. i kno he would like you. sometimes i wonder how am going to get through another day. i feel such a huge amount of sadness that washes over me and i can barely catch my breath thinking about that day when u left us. from that day on my life was changed forever, and no matter how happy my life is i will never be happy completely. i know its hard for some people to understand and i hope they never understand because if they did they would feel such pain. im glad i think of only the good times. i remeber about a month before she passed we fought a whole lot like all the time.. but thank god like a few days before she left we went to walmart one night to get christmas decorations and stuff and we had such a good time.. like ill never forget how happy she was.. that night she had a bad toothache and was crying and i held her for the last time and we both cried because i was crying because she was in such pain .. and when we were sitting there on the bathroom floor she toldd me she was proud of me and shes sorry we are fighting so mucha nd she loves me with all her heart. ill never forget that. i know i will see her in heaven...but i miss her still..and i always will. but thats all for now since im now in complete tears.. RIP mommy