Tears
Why is it when I'm alone I let the tears fall? Why can't I just let my dad see me weak? The answer to that is quite simple. He think's its silly and that I should just get over it. So that is why I've gone back to just keeping things inside of me. No, its not good that I do but when you don't have someone to turn to that will listen it makes it that much harder. People have told me give it time and to give him time. Well I've given him time and he hasn't been the rock that I've needed. I can't help that I miss the one person who was there for me. The person who basically raised me and taught me more things than my own parents did. When I lost my mom back in 2004 I didn't cry hardly at all. I've cried more over the loss of my grandma. She was the one who made me feel secure and loved. I sadly don't feel that with my dad. I haven't asked for much and yet I get so little. The only times I actually go out is on Thursdays with him to his book club or basically a bar to hang out with his old military friends. Which is quite boring and I just tend to sit there and not say anything. Other wise I normally do the shopping and go to the gym when I can. I don't ask him for much money which is why I've put myself last. My hunt for a job hasn't turned up any offers but having only ever been a substitute teacher it doesn't exactly get you into the door. Not even in places they hire teenagers. It's enough to make you want to scream. In the last 9 almost 10 months I've never felt so alone and its the worst place that anyone can be.