Death
This may sound a little bit morbid but - I am looking forward to dying.
My grandma is on her death bed right now. I watch her struggling to breathe and can't imagine what it must feel like to be dehydrated, hungry and the stress of trying to take breaths.
And we're all going to eventually come to a similar fate.
Maybe I've come to terms with death and fully embraced it. Maybe that's why I look forward to dying. I'm not scared. How nice would it be to be rid of this life? Peaceful, for sure. No heartache, double for sure. And I would get to be with everyone I've loved who has also died (well, hopefully. I have no idea what's in store for those who enter heaven).
My grandma is such a fighter. She is fighting...her organs are still working and her blood pressure and heart rate have increased from the low levels they were last night compared to this evening...What I think is going on is she's fighting to stay alive because she doesn't want to miss anything - like, she still wants to experience life just for the sake of experiencing it. To quit would mean never seeing anyone again...and I believe this mentality would only come about if you didn't believe in God and his promise that he would be with you and take you to heaven. This seems similar to when I was young, kindergarten age and would stay up very late just because I didn't want to miss out on anything that might otherwise happen while I was sleeping. I wish death weren't real that we didnt have to do it and could always live. God better be real and merciful and kind and bring us into eternal life... otherwise, shit. I might as well die now.
While sitting there I had the strong urge to kiss her cheek and hug her.. :'( but I can't do it in a room for a relatives. I should get over it and just do it because it's not like there will be a next time. My heart and soul ache for her...Death has taken on a newer perspective in my mind because I'm now looking at it through Christian eyes... and it's raised more questions and angst than ever.
My whole life I've never been prone to telling people I love them. Especially not my family...I got to tell my grandma Shaltry I loved her, but only because we were the only ones in the room and she told me first...
I don't understand the whole accepting Jesus into your heart thing... At first I did but it only made me more judgmental about me vs. non-Christians. God is love...if we love each other...how can any of us be separated from God when we die? Something doesn't seem to coherent in the logic between loving God/people and accepting Jesus into your heart. What if you love and don't accept Jesus into your heart? it is written "If you love the father, you also love the son." This is how I see it presented - we can love all we want but if Jesus isn't there at all, we're not going to see the father in heaven.... UGH! so many contradictions in the bible it seems!
I've totally digressed...
Bottom line: I love my grandma and I hate the suffering and what death physically looks like when it's creeping up on a person's physical body. I don't want her to leave us. She's so strong. If the strong one dies...what else is there left? No matter what our strength we can't overcome anything unless we have Jesus. And this is now so incredibly obvious...
To embrace death is to experience relief.
My grandma is on her death bed right now. I watch her struggling to breathe and can't imagine what it must feel like to be dehydrated, hungry and the stress of trying to take breaths.
And we're all going to eventually come to a similar fate.
Maybe I've come to terms with death and fully embraced it. Maybe that's why I look forward to dying. I'm not scared. How nice would it be to be rid of this life? Peaceful, for sure. No heartache, double for sure. And I would get to be with everyone I've loved who has also died (well, hopefully. I have no idea what's in store for those who enter heaven).
My grandma is such a fighter. She is fighting...her organs are still working and her blood pressure and heart rate have increased from the low levels they were last night compared to this evening...What I think is going on is she's fighting to stay alive because she doesn't want to miss anything - like, she still wants to experience life just for the sake of experiencing it. To quit would mean never seeing anyone again...and I believe this mentality would only come about if you didn't believe in God and his promise that he would be with you and take you to heaven. This seems similar to when I was young, kindergarten age and would stay up very late just because I didn't want to miss out on anything that might otherwise happen while I was sleeping. I wish death weren't real that we didnt have to do it and could always live. God better be real and merciful and kind and bring us into eternal life... otherwise, shit. I might as well die now.
While sitting there I had the strong urge to kiss her cheek and hug her.. :'( but I can't do it in a room for a relatives. I should get over it and just do it because it's not like there will be a next time. My heart and soul ache for her...Death has taken on a newer perspective in my mind because I'm now looking at it through Christian eyes... and it's raised more questions and angst than ever.
My whole life I've never been prone to telling people I love them. Especially not my family...I got to tell my grandma Shaltry I loved her, but only because we were the only ones in the room and she told me first...
I don't understand the whole accepting Jesus into your heart thing... At first I did but it only made me more judgmental about me vs. non-Christians. God is love...if we love each other...how can any of us be separated from God when we die? Something doesn't seem to coherent in the logic between loving God/people and accepting Jesus into your heart. What if you love and don't accept Jesus into your heart? it is written "If you love the father, you also love the son." This is how I see it presented - we can love all we want but if Jesus isn't there at all, we're not going to see the father in heaven.... UGH! so many contradictions in the bible it seems!
I've totally digressed...
Bottom line: I love my grandma and I hate the suffering and what death physically looks like when it's creeping up on a person's physical body. I don't want her to leave us. She's so strong. If the strong one dies...what else is there left? No matter what our strength we can't overcome anything unless we have Jesus. And this is now so incredibly obvious...
To embrace death is to experience relief.