Shut The Fuck Up, or My Father's An Arse...
Just had a lovely conversation with my father that made me feel like I'm about 6 years old.
So this thesis I'm working on is for my teaching degree. I already have my degree in English Lit, and my German Lit one is WIP, there too I only have to finish my thesis. I originally wanted to finish both my teaching and the German Lit thesis this semester (both deadlines are now) but with everything that has been going on with my grandfather, plus the renovation of our old flat (which I got no help in from anyone I might add) I def ran out of time for the German Lit one.
The thing is, it doen't matter terribly much at this point. I have my plans for this year and they don't involve me going to teach in a school for which I'd need a degree. I have my private tutoring, I just started this Drama in Edication program (which will get me a 4th degree in 2 years), and I'm planning to at least try getting a PhD scolarship next autumn. So basically it doesn't matter if I finish these two now or in the spring semester. Bc if I do get a scolarship I'm not actually ALLOWED to have a full job anyway, and even if I don't I would only start looking for jobs in the summer. Of course, it would be nicer for me to be done with everything now, so I can enjoy my freedom in spring and only have to focus on my PhD entry exam, but this has nothing to do with my parents. This is something I'd love to have for myself, that's why I'm trying to finish the teaching thesis...
But now my father asked how I was doing (he NEVER asks that) and said, "Oh well, you still have the whole weekend" and I'm like, nope, drama weekend (means 3 days of being there from 9am to 9pm). And then he said "Well then you have to do what your mum does, work through the whole night." (Coming from a man who gets bitchy if he doesn't get his full 8 hours sleep every night) So I said, yes I'm still trying hard to finish it and even if I don't make it for the deadline I'll be done with it next week so next semester I only have to hand it in. And got all angry and said I HAVE TO finish it or he'll be REALLY angry. O_o
And then combine this with something my mum always says: "As long as you live here I can at least keep an eye on you and control if you're doing all your work." Once again: O_o First of all, if at this age I need parental control to do what I HAVE to do, then I'm fucked. And besides, it's the easiest thing in the world to make mum believe I'm working when I'm actually writing fic, so... Yeah...
I'm fucking 25 years old for god's sake. THIS is why I fucking NEED to move out. Bc this atmosphere is so debilitating I can't even put it into words. I feel like I'm not in control of my own life, nothing I do has meaning, so OF COURSE I'm struggling to bring up the energy to focus. But wanna bet if I end up not being ready for the deadline they will once again take revenge by not helping with the flat? *facepalm* SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!
So this thesis I'm working on is for my teaching degree. I already have my degree in English Lit, and my German Lit one is WIP, there too I only have to finish my thesis. I originally wanted to finish both my teaching and the German Lit thesis this semester (both deadlines are now) but with everything that has been going on with my grandfather, plus the renovation of our old flat (which I got no help in from anyone I might add) I def ran out of time for the German Lit one.
The thing is, it doen't matter terribly much at this point. I have my plans for this year and they don't involve me going to teach in a school for which I'd need a degree. I have my private tutoring, I just started this Drama in Edication program (which will get me a 4th degree in 2 years), and I'm planning to at least try getting a PhD scolarship next autumn. So basically it doesn't matter if I finish these two now or in the spring semester. Bc if I do get a scolarship I'm not actually ALLOWED to have a full job anyway, and even if I don't I would only start looking for jobs in the summer. Of course, it would be nicer for me to be done with everything now, so I can enjoy my freedom in spring and only have to focus on my PhD entry exam, but this has nothing to do with my parents. This is something I'd love to have for myself, that's why I'm trying to finish the teaching thesis...
But now my father asked how I was doing (he NEVER asks that) and said, "Oh well, you still have the whole weekend" and I'm like, nope, drama weekend (means 3 days of being there from 9am to 9pm). And then he said "Well then you have to do what your mum does, work through the whole night." (Coming from a man who gets bitchy if he doesn't get his full 8 hours sleep every night) So I said, yes I'm still trying hard to finish it and even if I don't make it for the deadline I'll be done with it next week so next semester I only have to hand it in. And got all angry and said I HAVE TO finish it or he'll be REALLY angry. O_o
And then combine this with something my mum always says: "As long as you live here I can at least keep an eye on you and control if you're doing all your work." Once again: O_o First of all, if at this age I need parental control to do what I HAVE to do, then I'm fucked. And besides, it's the easiest thing in the world to make mum believe I'm working when I'm actually writing fic, so... Yeah...
I'm fucking 25 years old for god's sake. THIS is why I fucking NEED to move out. Bc this atmosphere is so debilitating I can't even put it into words. I feel like I'm not in control of my own life, nothing I do has meaning, so OF COURSE I'm struggling to bring up the energy to focus. But wanna bet if I end up not being ready for the deadline they will once again take revenge by not helping with the flat? *facepalm* SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!