Decisions... can't make them
Ugh, I can't decide if I want to go to acting camp again this year. I mean last year's is a really nice memory but there were times when I hated being there. And I just can't decide which feeling is stronger.
The acting part was great. It was great precisely bc there were times when I was close to vowing never to act ever again. It was the first time I actually felt the boundaries of my acting which is great because it means we did proper work. And I got great advice from the actor and actress who were with us even if it was slightly creepy how the actress could figure out my whole problem (meaning I can't handle my body on stage bc I haven't learned to properly handle it in real life) in just a week even though we barely worked together. It would be great to go back and work so intensively for another week.
BUT! I really don't do camps very well. Actually, I don't do situations where I don't feel at home, so to speak. Meaning, I like situation where I am perfectly aware of what I can and can't do and how to do it, so having to adapt to the daily routine of a bunch of unpredictable 18 year old girls just wasn't fun. It didn't help that I was never good at being 18 in the first place, the holy trinity of drinking-smoking-partying never was something could or wanted to do and being of an age now where these aren't the only ways of having fun is incredibly liberating. Spending a whole week in a group that consisted in 90% of 18 year old girls made the old insecurities and awkwardness come back full force and on top of that they were just incredibly irritating most of the time. There were some people I really liked but I don't know they will be back this year. Balázs, one of my best friends is going again, and another girl from our acting group but I still don't know if that's enough to make me go.
I need to decide today. And I can't. Please, please help me. What do you think?
This was us last year
The acting part was great. It was great precisely bc there were times when I was close to vowing never to act ever again. It was the first time I actually felt the boundaries of my acting which is great because it means we did proper work. And I got great advice from the actor and actress who were with us even if it was slightly creepy how the actress could figure out my whole problem (meaning I can't handle my body on stage bc I haven't learned to properly handle it in real life) in just a week even though we barely worked together. It would be great to go back and work so intensively for another week.
BUT! I really don't do camps very well. Actually, I don't do situations where I don't feel at home, so to speak. Meaning, I like situation where I am perfectly aware of what I can and can't do and how to do it, so having to adapt to the daily routine of a bunch of unpredictable 18 year old girls just wasn't fun. It didn't help that I was never good at being 18 in the first place, the holy trinity of drinking-smoking-partying never was something could or wanted to do and being of an age now where these aren't the only ways of having fun is incredibly liberating. Spending a whole week in a group that consisted in 90% of 18 year old girls made the old insecurities and awkwardness come back full force and on top of that they were just incredibly irritating most of the time. There were some people I really liked but I don't know they will be back this year. Balázs, one of my best friends is going again, and another girl from our acting group but I still don't know if that's enough to make me go.
I need to decide today. And I can't. Please, please help me. What do you think?
This was us last year
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