The Trick Was To Stay Alive
I'm thirty now.
To be honest, I keep waiting to feel different--much like I do every birthday. And to be fair, part of the reason this milestone birthday didn't freak me out might be due to the fact that Marvel turned thirty last January, and as each consecutive friend hit theirs, I found myself associating with them in my heads, so it feels like I've been thirty all year. In a way, that makes me a little sad because I feel like I missed being 29, but honestly, what was there really to do while I was 29 anyway? I tried to remind myself that I was 29 during the weekend of the New York Comic Con, because it was important to me that I cosplayed Rogue before I turned thirty. (One must have priorities in life.)
So, I'm thirty, and what do I have to show for myself? Well, I'm married. That wasn't anything I was particularly looking to accomplish, but if I was going to get married, I'm glad I did it in my twenties (nothing against brides over thirty at all! Just personal preference.) I'd like to own a home someday, but that's only because I want to own *my* home, not because I think home ownership is better than any of the alternatives. And I have no time limit on that; as long as I'm living in the house, I don't care who owns it. And I am. I still don't want children although I am trying to keep an open mind about them, so I'm fine there. I miss working in Manhattan, but not enough to give up what looks like is a fairly secure job just because of a location preference. (Plus, it's so much easier now that I'm carpooling with NANA every day.) I was never one of those people who wanted a really important career, but I did want a job that I felt was necessary, and wasn't just "make work", you know what I mean? And I do have that. I have a driver's license, which I didn't expect, and a car, which I REALLY didn't expect, but which I find is nice. I wish my family would all get along with each other, but none of them are mad at me, which I'll settle for. (And really, making them like each other is something that would make my life easier, but ultimately, is not my responsibility or probably even in my power, so I don't know that the fact that they don't should count as a failure of mine.)
I've met a lot of people. I've tried to make time to meet people who were coming to NYC; I've traveled both with Marvel, and now without. I've now been farther west than Pennsylvania. ::grin:: I've met a lot of the people on my Friends List, though of course, I want to meet more. I've been there for people when they really needed me. I've had so many people be there for me when I needed them. There are some people from my past that I'm not as close to as I used to be, but for the most part, it happened through naturally growing apart, rather than anything negative. I've gotten closer to people that I wouldn't have expected. For the most part, I seem to be well thought of, and while I can't say that there isn't anybody in the world who doesn't have a bad thing to say about me...I believe I can count them on the fingers of one hand. And out of the ones I can think of, I can respect maybe...one of them, so their opinions of me aren't really all that important.
I've seen Rocky Horror live. I've worn a bikini. I've danced on top of a bar. I've visited dying men in the hospital. I've learned how to put in my own contacts. I've had a pedicure. I've held a five day old baby. I've sung at karaoke. I've donated to charity. I've written to soldiers. I've polkaed. I've gone (semi)streaking. I've gone to goth clubs. I built websites. I've had a zero balance on my credit cards once, and if I really knuckled down I think I could do it again. I helped raise baby kittens. I've walked a country road for two miles alone at night. I sank five billiard balls in a row. I got myself into shape. I've spent days lying out in the sun. I built a snowman with my husband and my father. I've been fired and I've been hired. I've laughed at funerals and I've cried at weddings.
Are there still things I want to do? Naturally. I want to learn how to scuba dive. I want to ride the Cold River trail on horseback. I want to see the northern lights. I want to drive a zamboni. Do I have a definite plan for accomplishing those? Well, no, not really. It used to drive Frisco crazy that I didn't have what he called a "life plan", that I just sort of floated through life and let things happen. But I don't think that's really true. Just because I don't have long term plans doesn't mean I don't make things happen. Maybe it would be easier if I did, I don't know...but I doubt it. Long term plans are subject to the whims of fate and opposing forces you can't control. Maybe deciding to do things and then doing them makes it easier for me to focus, or maybe it just gives life less opportunity to come up with something to distract me. I don't know. But, I gotta say, I'm pretty satisfied with my progress so far.
Especially since I cosplayed Rogue. I'm fucking psyched about that. =D
To be honest, I keep waiting to feel different--much like I do every birthday. And to be fair, part of the reason this milestone birthday didn't freak me out might be due to the fact that Marvel turned thirty last January, and as each consecutive friend hit theirs, I found myself associating with them in my heads, so it feels like I've been thirty all year. In a way, that makes me a little sad because I feel like I missed being 29, but honestly, what was there really to do while I was 29 anyway? I tried to remind myself that I was 29 during the weekend of the New York Comic Con, because it was important to me that I cosplayed Rogue before I turned thirty. (One must have priorities in life.)
So, I'm thirty, and what do I have to show for myself? Well, I'm married. That wasn't anything I was particularly looking to accomplish, but if I was going to get married, I'm glad I did it in my twenties (nothing against brides over thirty at all! Just personal preference.) I'd like to own a home someday, but that's only because I want to own *my* home, not because I think home ownership is better than any of the alternatives. And I have no time limit on that; as long as I'm living in the house, I don't care who owns it. And I am. I still don't want children although I am trying to keep an open mind about them, so I'm fine there. I miss working in Manhattan, but not enough to give up what looks like is a fairly secure job just because of a location preference. (Plus, it's so much easier now that I'm carpooling with NANA every day.) I was never one of those people who wanted a really important career, but I did want a job that I felt was necessary, and wasn't just "make work", you know what I mean? And I do have that. I have a driver's license, which I didn't expect, and a car, which I REALLY didn't expect, but which I find is nice. I wish my family would all get along with each other, but none of them are mad at me, which I'll settle for. (And really, making them like each other is something that would make my life easier, but ultimately, is not my responsibility or probably even in my power, so I don't know that the fact that they don't should count as a failure of mine.)
I've met a lot of people. I've tried to make time to meet people who were coming to NYC; I've traveled both with Marvel, and now without. I've now been farther west than Pennsylvania. ::grin:: I've met a lot of the people on my Friends List, though of course, I want to meet more. I've been there for people when they really needed me. I've had so many people be there for me when I needed them. There are some people from my past that I'm not as close to as I used to be, but for the most part, it happened through naturally growing apart, rather than anything negative. I've gotten closer to people that I wouldn't have expected. For the most part, I seem to be well thought of, and while I can't say that there isn't anybody in the world who doesn't have a bad thing to say about me...I believe I can count them on the fingers of one hand. And out of the ones I can think of, I can respect maybe...one of them, so their opinions of me aren't really all that important.
I've seen Rocky Horror live. I've worn a bikini. I've danced on top of a bar. I've visited dying men in the hospital. I've learned how to put in my own contacts. I've had a pedicure. I've held a five day old baby. I've sung at karaoke. I've donated to charity. I've written to soldiers. I've polkaed. I've gone (semi)streaking. I've gone to goth clubs. I built websites. I've had a zero balance on my credit cards once, and if I really knuckled down I think I could do it again. I helped raise baby kittens. I've walked a country road for two miles alone at night. I sank five billiard balls in a row. I got myself into shape. I've spent days lying out in the sun. I built a snowman with my husband and my father. I've been fired and I've been hired. I've laughed at funerals and I've cried at weddings.
Are there still things I want to do? Naturally. I want to learn how to scuba dive. I want to ride the Cold River trail on horseback. I want to see the northern lights. I want to drive a zamboni. Do I have a definite plan for accomplishing those? Well, no, not really. It used to drive Frisco crazy that I didn't have what he called a "life plan", that I just sort of floated through life and let things happen. But I don't think that's really true. Just because I don't have long term plans doesn't mean I don't make things happen. Maybe it would be easier if I did, I don't know...but I doubt it. Long term plans are subject to the whims of fate and opposing forces you can't control. Maybe deciding to do things and then doing them makes it easier for me to focus, or maybe it just gives life less opportunity to come up with something to distract me. I don't know. But, I gotta say, I'm pretty satisfied with my progress so far.
Especially since I cosplayed Rogue. I'm fucking psyched about that. =D