Your Face Is Real Symmetrical, And Your Nostrils Are So Nice
We went to see Piranha in 3D last night. I'm sorry we didn't get a big group together for this movie (and this would have been HYSTERICAL with a big group, plus since this was like the last showing the theater wasn't very crowded so we could have all sat together and we probably wouldn't have bothered anybody with our comments) but due to me being sick and then going to Colorado time just got away from us, so when I stamped my foot Monday night and said, "I want to see piranhas goddamnit!" Marvel answered, "So let's go tomorrow, it's our last chance!" So we went.
Some thoughts:
1) It had a great cast. Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, and Jerry O'Connell. Really? Either none of these people had anything better to do, or they really love cult movies. (I'm willing to believe the latter of Eli Roth, and the former of Jerry O'Connell.)
2) It was TERRIBLE. HOMG. To be fair we ran out of Jaegermeister at home, but I'm thinking that unless we had filled it with straight rubbing alcohol or something, the flask that we smuggled into the theater probably could not have held enough liquor to get us through this movie.
3) The effects were actually really good. The 3D was insanely clear, and while Marvel was disappointed that there were no "things flying out of the screen at you" effects, to be honest, I don't think the new 3D needs it anymore--that's an obvious, "Look! We're using 3D!" ploy. When you don't do that, the 3D feels much more natural, as if you're watching the action in a diorama or something. Also, since we stayed through the credits (you always stay through the credits), special thanks went out to the Amputee Surfing Association, which a) is awesome that that even just exists, and b) explains how some of the "missing body parts" effects were so good.
4) Apparently it's a remake? (Isn't everything?) One of my coworkers had seen the original, years before, and asked me if I'd be scared after the movie. That struck me as such a funny question. Generally speaking, I don't get frightened by movies, although I guess I could see how I could be if I were more convinced of the reality of, say, ghosts and extraterrestrials (and harmful ones at that.) But I can't imagine being frightened by a cheesy movie, and I really can't imagine being frightened of an easily avoided adversary. Afraid of sharks? Don't go to the beach! No matter how pissed off the shark is at you, it is not going to get out of the water, catch a cab, and come to your house, I don't care how easy it is to look somebody up on Google. Piranhas seem even easier to avoid, do they even exist in North America? (And prehistoric piranhas are just so absolutely unbelievable that I...yeah, not exactly losing sleep over this.)
5) This is the second movie Marvel's seen this week (and of course, I've already forgotten what the first one was) where not just the ending, but LITERALLY THE LAST SHOT OF THE MOVIE, was in the TV commercial! I'm not going to say which one, because it's not terribly obvious, but that just seems like a bad practice to get into.
6) I've been chasing Marvel around the house, grinning maniacally and growling, "OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM" since we got home. If he's got red marks on his skin when you see him, you'll know why.
Some thoughts:
1) It had a great cast. Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, and Jerry O'Connell. Really? Either none of these people had anything better to do, or they really love cult movies. (I'm willing to believe the latter of Eli Roth, and the former of Jerry O'Connell.)
2) It was TERRIBLE. HOMG. To be fair we ran out of Jaegermeister at home, but I'm thinking that unless we had filled it with straight rubbing alcohol or something, the flask that we smuggled into the theater probably could not have held enough liquor to get us through this movie.
3) The effects were actually really good. The 3D was insanely clear, and while Marvel was disappointed that there were no "things flying out of the screen at you" effects, to be honest, I don't think the new 3D needs it anymore--that's an obvious, "Look! We're using 3D!" ploy. When you don't do that, the 3D feels much more natural, as if you're watching the action in a diorama or something. Also, since we stayed through the credits (you always stay through the credits), special thanks went out to the Amputee Surfing Association, which a) is awesome that that even just exists, and b) explains how some of the "missing body parts" effects were so good.
4) Apparently it's a remake? (Isn't everything?) One of my coworkers had seen the original, years before, and asked me if I'd be scared after the movie. That struck me as such a funny question. Generally speaking, I don't get frightened by movies, although I guess I could see how I could be if I were more convinced of the reality of, say, ghosts and extraterrestrials (and harmful ones at that.) But I can't imagine being frightened by a cheesy movie, and I really can't imagine being frightened of an easily avoided adversary. Afraid of sharks? Don't go to the beach! No matter how pissed off the shark is at you, it is not going to get out of the water, catch a cab, and come to your house, I don't care how easy it is to look somebody up on Google. Piranhas seem even easier to avoid, do they even exist in North America? (And prehistoric piranhas are just so absolutely unbelievable that I...yeah, not exactly losing sleep over this.)
5) This is the second movie Marvel's seen this week (and of course, I've already forgotten what the first one was) where not just the ending, but LITERALLY THE LAST SHOT OF THE MOVIE, was in the TV commercial! I'm not going to say which one, because it's not terribly obvious, but that just seems like a bad practice to get into.
6) I've been chasing Marvel around the house, grinning maniacally and growling, "OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM" since we got home. If he's got red marks on his skin when you see him, you'll know why.