My Day At The Races
I still remember turning 22.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2002/10/24/
I still drink. I still don't know if there are any more milestones to look ahead to. I don't know if I'm going to make my dream of being on my own by 32, though I hope I will. I no longer care if I'm single by then...and the cats will fall where they may. :)
I remember turning 23.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2003/10/24/
I still don't have my physical diploma in my hands. So far, I haven't needed it. I'm not in the terrible job I was in then that I was terrified to admit was terrible, because I thought all jobs were like that. (Hint for anyone else who's stuck somewhere they hate: they're not. You can find a job you love. Sometimes it takes creative thinking and sacrifice on your part--me, I got lucky, and fell into it. But either way it IS out there.) I'm less independent now than I was then...but I understand why and don't judge myself harshly for it.
My 24th birthday was my first ever with Marvel.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2004/10/25/
Our relationship is still odd (onii-sama) and we still play video games--we're really looking forward to Little Big Planet. (And Oh CRAP, we still need to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!) And The Kimono House is closing this weekend, actually--anyone in the NYC area who wants really great deals on kimono and yukata and other various authentic Japanese goods had better head on down to 131 Thompson Street post-haste.
I got pretty overwhelmed with good wishes when I turned 25.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2005/10/26/
I got a lot of toys and nerd-related items, because by this point my family had accepted that I'm actually not maturing all that much. :)
I felt a little badly that I wasn't the first lady of Argentina by 26.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2006/10/24/
And I'm wearing odango again today, too, which is pretty funny--I hope I didn't wear the same shirt again too! At least this time I KNOW I'm wearing different pants--I had them made to match this shirt. :)
And last year, I turned 27.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2007/10/24/
I had always had this...sixth sense kind of feeling that my 27th year to be incredible. It...was not. I don't know. It wasn't a year of hell, there's no way I'm going to say that. There were some good points. There were some very good points. And I learned a lot, no doubt about that. But a lot of it was a level of fear and pain and uncertainty that I had thought was over and done with...and I never want to feel that way again. And I'm afraid even now. Does this just go to show that I should break my crystal ball and never soothsay again, because I suck as a fortuneteller? Or does it mean that those hunches I feel (I have one about my 36th birthday, too) are actually warnings? Oh, my 17th birthday sucked, too--maybe it's the 7s I should look out for? Or maybe I should stop being so goddamn susceptible to superstition? I don't know where I'm going from here, and that's...a little scary.
But there's one thing that hasn't changed through the years, and that's you guys. You've been there for me when I was stressed about college. You've been there for me whenever I was about to go someplace new. You were there for me when I was financially strapped. You were there for me when I felt like being generous. You were there for me when I felt self-conscious. You were there for me when I felt like a supermodel. You were there for me when I took great photos, you were there for me when I took hilariously awful ones. You were there for me when Grandma died. You were there for me when my computers bit the dust. You were there for me when Mommy got sick. You were there for me when I needed advice. You were there for me when I needed a distraction. You were there for me when I had fights with my friends...you were there for me even when we had fights ourselves. You were there for me when I've been depressed in an awful, "I'm never going to feel any better" whirlpool towards destruction. You were there for me when I've felt almost manically happy. You were there for me when I've been introspective, you were there for me when I've been mind-numbingly random. Some people have passed from my life...some of them naturally, some necessarily, some jarringly, some too soon. But everyone in my life has been there for a reason...and I think the next lesson I have to learn is that sometimes they leave for a reason, too.
Most importantly, you were there for me when I needed something to believe in...and you believed in me. And more than that...you believed that I would believe in myself again, too. And that matters to me more than I can ever tell you.
If I die tomorrow...I think, I think I can finally believe that I've touched each of your lives in some small, hopefully good, way. And I can believe this because you all have certainly touched mine.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2002/10/24/
I still drink. I still don't know if there are any more milestones to look ahead to. I don't know if I'm going to make my dream of being on my own by 32, though I hope I will. I no longer care if I'm single by then...and the cats will fall where they may. :)
I remember turning 23.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2003/10/24/
I still don't have my physical diploma in my hands. So far, I haven't needed it. I'm not in the terrible job I was in then that I was terrified to admit was terrible, because I thought all jobs were like that. (Hint for anyone else who's stuck somewhere they hate: they're not. You can find a job you love. Sometimes it takes creative thinking and sacrifice on your part--me, I got lucky, and fell into it. But either way it IS out there.) I'm less independent now than I was then...but I understand why and don't judge myself harshly for it.
My 24th birthday was my first ever with Marvel.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2004/10/25/
Our relationship is still odd (onii-sama) and we still play video games--we're really looking forward to Little Big Planet. (And Oh CRAP, we still need to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!) And The Kimono House is closing this weekend, actually--anyone in the NYC area who wants really great deals on kimono and yukata and other various authentic Japanese goods had better head on down to 131 Thompson Street post-haste.
I got pretty overwhelmed with good wishes when I turned 25.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2005/10/26/
I got a lot of toys and nerd-related items, because by this point my family had accepted that I'm actually not maturing all that much. :)
I felt a little badly that I wasn't the first lady of Argentina by 26.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2006/10/24/
And I'm wearing odango again today, too, which is pretty funny--I hope I didn't wear the same shirt again too! At least this time I KNOW I'm wearing different pants--I had them made to match this shirt. :)
And last year, I turned 27.
http://sunseenli.livejournal.com/2007/10/24/
I had always had this...sixth sense kind of feeling that my 27th year to be incredible. It...was not. I don't know. It wasn't a year of hell, there's no way I'm going to say that. There were some good points. There were some very good points. And I learned a lot, no doubt about that. But a lot of it was a level of fear and pain and uncertainty that I had thought was over and done with...and I never want to feel that way again. And I'm afraid even now. Does this just go to show that I should break my crystal ball and never soothsay again, because I suck as a fortuneteller? Or does it mean that those hunches I feel (I have one about my 36th birthday, too) are actually warnings? Oh, my 17th birthday sucked, too--maybe it's the 7s I should look out for? Or maybe I should stop being so goddamn susceptible to superstition? I don't know where I'm going from here, and that's...a little scary.
But there's one thing that hasn't changed through the years, and that's you guys. You've been there for me when I was stressed about college. You've been there for me whenever I was about to go someplace new. You were there for me when I was financially strapped. You were there for me when I felt like being generous. You were there for me when I felt self-conscious. You were there for me when I felt like a supermodel. You were there for me when I took great photos, you were there for me when I took hilariously awful ones. You were there for me when Grandma died. You were there for me when my computers bit the dust. You were there for me when Mommy got sick. You were there for me when I needed advice. You were there for me when I needed a distraction. You were there for me when I had fights with my friends...you were there for me even when we had fights ourselves. You were there for me when I've been depressed in an awful, "I'm never going to feel any better" whirlpool towards destruction. You were there for me when I've felt almost manically happy. You were there for me when I've been introspective, you were there for me when I've been mind-numbingly random. Some people have passed from my life...some of them naturally, some necessarily, some jarringly, some too soon. But everyone in my life has been there for a reason...and I think the next lesson I have to learn is that sometimes they leave for a reason, too.
Most importantly, you were there for me when I needed something to believe in...and you believed in me. And more than that...you believed that I would believe in myself again, too. And that matters to me more than I can ever tell you.
If I die tomorrow...I think, I think I can finally believe that I've touched each of your lives in some small, hopefully good, way. And I can believe this because you all have certainly touched mine.